I Wasn't So Nice Yesterday

If you read many of my posts or comments, you'll know I love Freecycle. Since I live in a suburb withing 20 minutes drive time to 6 other cities with their own groups, I belong to many and try to read all the wanted listings.

Last month I posted some trees, my groundcover ivy, my trumpet vines and cuttings for my Rose of Sharon. I know from experience that not everyone will show up, so I developed a system of telling people to call my cell phone before coming out. That way I don't expect anyone until I get a call. I no longer even pay attention to who says they are coming out. If someone says they'll be there at 2 p.m., I try to stay available and to set up others at the same time.

The group of people who responded in April were nice, interesting and quirky. I've learned also from experience that I have to be right there to supervise, and that I often don't have the assertiveness to speak up when I should. Some people's idea of pruning is to strip an area bare. Most don't have a concept that roots don't end within 4" of a plant trunk. Many don't realize that plants need water.

Anyway, it went so well, that when the rains came and more plants started popping out, I advertised again. When some of the April trees had been dug up, there were more behind it that I hadn't seen. This group was quirkier than the first, including a lot of totally clueless people.

I'm not surprised when people don't bring a shovel, since it's easy to assume I have one. Rarely do I have more than one freecycler here at a time. But of the last 17 people to show up, only two (plus the one that asked and I told specifically to bring something) brought anything to place the plants in after they were dug up. It annoyed me to be asked for pots to carry their free plants home. When someone comes over for the purpose of digging up 4 trees 2-4' tall, why hasn't the idea that they have to be carried home in your vehicle sunk in? When I'm using pots for my yardwork, why assume they are meant for you?

I thought I'd been grumpy because people kept showing up without calling. I thought it was funny that the lady in her flip flops thought she could dig up an 8' tree in my hard clay soil. I was annoyed when she told her husband, also wearing flip flops, to dig toward the root of a plant so he could cut it off there. I didn't say anything when the lady digging into my monkey grass made a 2' gap instead of taking the part that had grown into the flower bed. I didn't say anything when the lady who did call 5 minutes before she got here at twilight gave up on digging a 6th tree up after going down about halfway.

Yesterday I got a call from a man who had cancelled by email the night before. He asked me whether he should bring his wife's minivan. I told him that unless he was going to try for the 8' tree, most of the items he wanted were less than 2' tall. He arranged to come out between 4:30-5. That meant I had to skip going to the movies with a friend, but I was anxious for him to come while the ground was still moist for easier digging. When he arrived at 5:27 p.m., I didn't think anything of it. While I wouldn't have worn nice white shoes, some people might. He mentioned that he thought he should put the trees and plants into plastic bags. I told him whatever he wanted to do. We walked around with me pointing out the specific plants he was requesting. On the way around the house, he mentioned the bags again. I thought he was wanting to drive his car around to the back to keep from having to carry them. It wasn't until we were finished and it was time for him to dig when he mentioned the plastic bags again or putting them in pots that I realized he was expecting me to supply his needs. Probably because I'd been stewing over giving pots I wanted to keep to two other men, I told him that I'd go find some plastic bags for him in a put upon voice. I asked him how he had been planning to get all these plants home. He admitted that he hadn't thought about it. Basically he didn't want to put them in his car.

After being assertive to him, I felt guilty and was nice to him until he left. Then I got angry. This man had wasted my afternoon waiting for him, when a second call would have saved both of us. Instead of showing the plants to him in the warm sun, I could have been enjoying a movie in the air conditioning. He said he'd come by today in his wife's vehicle. I stayed home and available, not believing for one minute he'd actually show up. He didn't.

I learned a powerful lesson. Next year, when I post again, I will specify in the first post that people are expected to bring something to carry home their free plants. Then in each response where I tell people my address, I will emphasize why they should call before coming and repeat they will be expected to bring their own items to carry off the plants. It's easier for me to be assertive in writing anyway.

I wish I could say that I had learned I was a wimp and that would change. Unfortunately, I've known that for a long time. I can stand up for anyone except myself.

On the positive side, I met some interesting people, one of whom I'm emailing back and forth already. Most of my volunteer trees are out of my flower beds and the rest should be gone by Saturday. I'm making some people happy by getting the plants they wanted and couldn't afford. Plants I would have had to cut down are now gracing homes in three counties. I'm almost over my soreness from being on my feet so much and doing with the cutting, so surely I got some muscles and lost a little fat over this week. And best of all for me, I have a little room to plant my flower seeds at last!