ST.GEORGE AND THE MULLAH

If I was to start this article with the sentence, "I have a problem with George Bush", the predictable response from many Americans would be, "doesn't everybody?" My problem is different, however. I genuinely want to like the guy. Let's face it. Bush may be a moron when it comes to foreign policy, but his heart is in the right place. My problem is that Bush makes it so hard for me to like him.

Take this whole Iran situation. There is little doubt that Ahmedenijad character is a piece of work. Here is this down home farm boy who has been catapulted to global prominence; and he is reveling in it. He has prolonged his fifteen minutes of fame into an awful long time; with the simple of expedient of pushing the right buttons. Thus, he vows to wipe Israel off the face of the earth, even though he knows in his heart this is pure poppycock. The Holocaust never happened, says he. Who cares if it is true or not? It makes for great theatre, with him as the lead actor. His particular talent is for getting under George Bush's skin.

So it would be better for everybody if he just went away. In the old days, of course, this would not be a problem. The CIA would have dispatched a hit squad and that would be it. But we live in a more civilized world these days (don't laugh); and that sort of thing is just not done. Ok, so it won't be easy to get rid of the guy who hates neckties. What is making a lot of people tearing out their hair is that Bush is actually playing into his hands.

Remember that celebrated Bushism when he accused Iran of being potentially responsible for initiating World War III? That had diplomats all over the world rolling their eyes. Then, earlier this month, when the US navy reported that five Iranian gunboats had approached a US naval convoy in the Straits of Hormuz had threatened to blow up their ships; Bush promptly declared that "all options are on the table to protect our interests." Some would applaud his Churchillian sentiments. Only problem was, Pentagon officials noticed that the recording was suspect and were forced to hem and haw that maybe the initial threat report was not quite true. Result: Bush was left with egg on his face.

The wily Ahmedinejad, meanwhile, is egging Bush on with ever more outrageous speeches and actions. It is in his interest to make Bush mad. All this war talk has come as a real boon for him. The reality was that his own people were getting pretty fed up with him.  They had had it up to the neck with his sermons and social restrictions; especially for woman. Then there was the matter of the government's critics getting picked up off the street and tortured. Isn't that what the former Shah's dreaded secret police used to do - and the purported justification for the great Islamic revolution, in the first place? Yes, Ahmedinejad's throne was definitely tottering. Then along comes Bush, with all his war talk, and his people are united with him again. There is nothing like the threat of invasion to make a populace rally round.

What Bush should do - but won't because, after all, he is who he is - is to reach out to the Iranian people. Average Iranians may have no love lost for the US government, but they have no beef against its people. In fact, many Iranians would like nothing better than to visit America for some sightseeing and shopping. This would not be a bad thing, because they would see for themselves how friendly and non-threatening ordinary Americans are; and spread the word back home. However, the reality is that it is almost impossible for an Iranian to get a visitor's visa; and the few who do succeed are assumed to be terrorists - and treated as such by US Immigration personnel at airports. All this succeeds in doing is making Ahmedinejad's rhetoric about the Great Satan all that more believable.

Then there is the little matter of Iraq. The US Administration is pouring tens of billions of dollars into that blighted nation. The undisputed top dogs in Iraq are the Shi'ites. It is no secret that the Shi'ites are directly and indirectly controlled by Iran. You do the math.

I am pretty sure that when Ahmedinejad turns towards Mecca five times a day, he includes a little prayer for George Bush.