Siouxy's Serenade A Poem in Four Parts

Add my 23 and 1/2.....

Let me be the first to say, I'm confused. Are all y'all sure this is good?

If Siouxy wrote it, it must be good.

Hey, here's a thought: ask Gather's poet lauriat to come and look at it..... you know, the guy from Maine?

Thank you, thank you. As a person with many crosses to bear, I appreciate your support.

You mean, you don't like curlicues, Ivy?

In this set of four quatrains the letters are on a perfectly straight line, the spacing between words is flawless, and most of the words are spelled correctly. It also rhymes! You've set a very high bar for most of Gather, Siouxy. Well done!

A 10 from me!!

In stanza 2 lines 2 and 4 don't rhyme very well. Just the same I can see that it came straight from your heart and you worked very hard on it. That's worth at least a 5 before considering the considerable merits of the piece. I'm saying 9 because of the little technical problem I noted earlier.

Crepuscular doesn't mean quite the same thing as night. I don't know if that would be a disadvantage.

In programming we have a saying about reports. "Numbers and letters, nicely formatted." I think you have gone far beyond the poetic equivalent but for one tiny quibble. There are no numbers.

If you vandalize my house, harm my pets, slash my tires, or do anything similar to what you did the last few times I've commented on your literary efforts I'll have to involve law enforcement. You need to learn to express your anger in ways that don't harm other people, their loved ones, or their property.

I still love you.

Wow. I am impressed Siouxy! These are my favorite lines:

heavy is my heart, in taco tipsy moonlight

With a week's worth of smack

So save my soul, you creature of the night

because to whack a wang behoves the hack



gin and tonic in hand, a wisp of thought in head

the pure of black coffee blues, four a.m.

YOU ARE DEAD DEAD DEAD dead dead

a fly grasping warmth while perched on an integrated circuit



alone now, you've left me adrift on a sea of turtledust

Unable to win or lose or even play the game

Darkness will fade into scarlet lust

I'm a lunatic just the same



pass the bottle, pass the pipe, get out of my face

I ask for an order of honey marinara sauce, on the side

I could be the last of a dying race

But he could be your spirit guide

I think I seen this etched in a cave in Arizona somewhere?

...I'm almsot sure of it.

I'm almost sure of it, also.

It is great. But, it is poetry. I rated it 10 anyway.