Friday musings, again

About a month ago I had a young cousin die in a freak accident.  He was a 19-year old with an amazing future ahead of him in sports.  1,200 people showed up at Sean's funeral, which is pretty impressive when you think of a kid impacting that many lives.  That's not even counting the two vigils that were held by the kids at his university and in his hometown.  He was a twin, too, only two weeks away from his 20th birthday.  I didn't even know what to say to his brother....all of a sudden to have a birthday without your twin, to have silence in a house used to the noise of a linebacker full of youth and energy and the joy of living.

Sean was closer in age to my son, and he lived in a state away, so his passing didn't affect my day-to-day life.  I'm grieving more for the pain his brothers, his mom and dad, and my parents-who had appointed themselves the boys' de facto grandparents-are having to live with.   Sean's death has torn the fabric of our family that was whole, except for the passings that one expects because people have lived long and full lives, and the repercussions show up in such unexpected ways.

After this whole event, I started noticing all of the other people who experienced losses every day....each day's paper or news report brought some information about someone who was greatly loved and who had died suddenly,  ....there are so, so many people grieving around us.  I'm sure that everyone reading this has had first-hand experience in loss within the past year.  James Taylor tells us that "you've got to walk that road alone", and that which is walked by the bereaved is the most crowded yet lonliest road out there, isn't it?

So what can we do for each other?  I know at Sean's memorial service Jack Riley,a man who had been an All American football player (Sean had a huge future in football) and who had also lost a son who was 19 gave the final prayer.  His presence and his prayer was like someone who stands on the sidelines of a marathon race, yelling encouragement to those who are running.  He showed us that the pain never leaves completely, but there will, at some point, be an end to the feelings of hopelessness and emptiness, and life goes on....and even contains joy, which seems impossible at the moment.

One thing I have taken with me from this is that, when I hear of an untimely death, I notice.  I look at the person's picture, if there is one in the paper.  I read the details, not out of morbid curiosity but to notice, to make sure that this person's passing is not just a blurb to pass over on my way to other sections of the paper, and I try to picture their friends and family so I can send a good thought their way.  Guess it's like the naming of the dead in "Fight Club"....they lived and they mattered and they matter still.

My hope is that your losses of loved ones will be few, and limited to the elders who are relieved to be able to move on to the next stage.