Day one - The bruises looked like a familiar painful memory to her mom. Two bruises on the top of the arms of her 16 year old daughter. Eerily placed....the shape, the proximity.
"Where did you get those bruises?"
"Oh I don't know."
"You don't know? It looks to me like someone grabbed you and was holding you. See how these marks look like perfect thumb impressions when I hold you?"
"What ever. I told you I don't know."
Day two - Mom walks in. The daughter is getting dressed.
"Oh my gosh. Where did you get that huge bruise on your shoulder?"
"Me and Tom (the boyfriend) were playing around. I bit him and he bit me back."
"Is he hitting you?" the mom asks.
"Oh my God! NO! I told you we were just playing."
Day 3
Mom answers the phone. A hysterical voice on the other end of the phone says, "I don't know what happened! He just went crazy! Don't worry, the police are on the way." It is the daughter's friend.
Mom says, "Who? What? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Tom. Tom went crazy. He had her pinned against the car. He wouldn't let her up so she hit him to try to get him to let her go. He head butted her and hit her in the jaw."
"Where are you at? I am on way. You better tell the cops to have him gone by the time I get there or they can get ready to take me in too."
Mom gets to the parking lot of the local eatery. Her daughter is in tears. There is a huge knot on her forehead, a slight bruise on her jaw, the inside of her mouth is busted. The police are taking pictures. Pictures of the 16 year old girl. Tom has split - no where to be found. Daughter breaks down. She tells the whole story. Tom had not been hitting her but he had started grabbing her and pushing her around. The bruise on her shoulder? It was a bite. Only Tom didn't have one too. The bite was because she had tried to leave on that particular day and Tom wasn't ready for her to. He bit her so she would take her hands off of the keys so he could get them.
Mom just didn't ask the right question, I guess. Mom said has he been hitting you. No - he was pushing her and biting her and grabbing her with such force that it left bruises. But he didn't hit her.......until today. I hate technicality in teens.
Mom never thought she would be glad to hear that her daughter was head butted and slugged. But today, it seems a whole lot better than hearing "We found your daughter's body."
As daughter sleeps in the living room floor because she is too scared to sleep in her room, Mom wonders, "What can I do to help her?"
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Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:
harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching;
tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say;
frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you);
threatens to harm you or himself if you leave the relationship;
twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions;
demands to know where you are at all times;
constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends.
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/abuse.html
When she finally had enough from her abusive husband, she was two months pregnant with their third child. The first had been four months old before he decided to take responsibility and the second pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage.
I was on the phone with a dear friend at work when my daughter called me to come and get her. My friend told me that whatever I did, NOT to take her home with me. She said, "He will come there looking for her. You will fight with him, and she will leave with him. Take her to the Women's Shelter." Best advise I ever followed. My daughter told me later that if I had not taken her to the shelter, she knows that she would have gone back to him. That was almost seventeen years ago.
I hope this helps someone in a similar situation, and that the mom and daughter above can turn this horrible experience into a lesson they pass on. It could save a life. My prayers are with you.
A friend of mine related a story to me. She had to clean up her aunt's house after her aunt had been beaten to death by her aunt's so-called "boyfriend". I won't go into detail, but the horror of her experience, as she related it to me, never quite went away.
It gave me the strength I needed to get my baby sister out of an abusive relationship before it was too late, even when she didn't want to let go.
I pray that your daughter stays safe from this maniac and never again gets involved with an abuser.