Sorry to unload, but....

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my being told that my job was on the line at the private school where I used to teach.

After three years of glowing evaluations, three years of students voting me favorite teacher, three years of extra curricular work coaching volleyball and softball, and planning dances and art shows, I was pulled into the office and told that my work was substandard. 

I was told that I would need to rewrite the art curriculum for k-8th grades by the end of May in order to have any chance of keeping my job.  That gave me 5 weeks to do something I had never been trained to do.

I was devastated.  Shocked.  I did not see it coming.  I cried for 3 days and then had to pull it together to go to school on Monday morning.

At the faculty meeting that morning we were told that the projected enrollment was way down for the coming school year.  There might not be enough jobs to go around, they said.

On Friday of that week, exactly 7 days after being told that I was substandard, I was told that I needn't worry about any of what had been said the previous week. 

Well, I am capable of putting 2 and 2 together.  They were worried about budget, and who is more expendable than the art teacher?  I decided that I would not ask to renew my contract.  I can deal with being poor, not knowing where the grocery money will come from, but I will not work for people who would treat me so callously.

I know that is what happened.  Many of the people who had been there for several years left after last year.  Now, there are two teachers in my former position - both are part time with no benefits.  Well, they advertise that art is a big part of the curriculum, so they can't get away with no art teacher, so how else to save money but by cutting benefits?  One of those teachers didn't make it through the year.  They had to replace her in November.  Ha, they won't find another like me.  (Yes, I am bitter.)

I know that it was an underhanded and purely economic decision on their part, but it still really hurt my confidence.  I have been unsure of whether I should continue teaching.  Unsure if I am actually good at it.  I have spent the better part of the last year trying to pull it together and decide which direction I want to go in now.

A teacher at one of my new schools told me Friday that she thought I had a lot of grace in what I do and that it's obvious I have a connection with the kids.  That they respond to me.  I have taught there for one week now. 

It hurts me that I was pushed out of the old place because I loved those kids so much.  I felt like I was a part of something good - something important and that I had a real influence on the kids lives for the positive. 

I know that I have influenced the kids I work with now and I love them as well, but I am still hurting about all of this even after a year and I am not sure I even want to continue with teaching.  I am considering getting a masters in library science and specializing in childrens lit or YA literature.  So maybe that is where I pick things up.