Need advice: Working mom to staying at home

I personally have always been a working mom that dreamed of being able to stay at home like all of my friends did....

Some of the things that my friends did regularly:
- find a group of ladies that also stay home and join with them on the activity list.
- find a couple local parks with swings and things to take your kids to daily for play time, you will surely meet a few ladies there that you can meet and make friends with.
- if you have a pool or a friend that lives in an apartment complex with a pool you can use or a city pool, add that to your list.
- make a small garden with your kids or plant some flowers or something, make a day of it.
- do daily walks
- bicycle as a family
- have "art" day and fill the kitchen table or other table that you can put wet items on...fill it with shaving cream and let the kids just play in the shaving cream and make cities and drive matchbox cars through it and use little play people....my kids always loved this.
- have "playdough" day. You can even google a recipe and make some homemade playdough with them...they love this too...and get out the cookie cutters and play with playdough.

Hi Erica,

I hear you! And I know what you are going through! When I was on maternity leave with my second boy, I stayed home for 4 months with a 2-year-old and an infant and it was a shock to my Type A full-time working mom system.

However, you will be surprised how quickly you will adjust to your new "job." My boys are almost 3 and 5 now and when I am home with them on Fridays or long weekends or in the summer, I find that having a schedule is KEY to everyone's happiness.

Pick an activity for each day of the week: Monday is library, Tuesday is the park, Wednesday you do a play group, etc. Also there are some great books our there with ideas and suggestions of simple things you can do with the kids at home. (365 Games Toddlers Play and the Toddler Busy Book are two of my favorites)

The important thing for you, I think, will be to find a support network of friends or other moms. Moms groups are really made for moms who are at home with the kiddos and usually they have field trips, outings, and other events that involve the kids so you can all have a good time. Look for a local MomsClub or Mothers & More group if you have them in your area. If ones don't exist, maybe you are just the type to get one started!

I think it is natural to be nervous. It's kind of like starting any new job. The good news is if you fully embrace this new job, and surround yourself with like-minded friends, you will do great. I also think it's important for you to carve out time for yourself every week: whether that's to do a book group, cooking class, or some other FUN activity,it will help keep you from feeling burned out.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

There are some great websites out there designed to help you with keeping your kids busy. You can also do all kinds of crafts with them. Just type in "kids crafts" in your search engine and you will be amazed at the things you will come up with! My granddaughter is almost three and I will have her all summer. She will be "helping" me in the flower garden (which means she will be picking my flowers! LOL). She also "helps" with the dishes and the laundry. I have foam sheets and foam stickers for her to mess with, along with crayons and coloring books. I have big pony beads for her to make her own jewelry and I am going to teach her how to sew using plastic canvas, plastic needles, and yarn. She loves to help out in anyway she can, so I will have her baking cupcakes, cookies, etc. Okay, so I do all the work, but she can help put the stuff in the bowl to mixed. It makes her feel all important and like a big girl. Go to your local book store or craft store and see what kinds of things they have to keep the kids busy.

One of the things that tends to bring order to children's lives is a regular schedule.

If you have pets (we have cats), the morning ritual involves feeding, cleaning the litter box, and cat brushings.

YMCA classes are offered at regular times, along with swimming, gym, and other sponsored/monitored activites. Visits to the park for scheduled playdates with other children.

A weekly field trip is exciting (museums, local exhibits, local historic spots, performances, fairs, craft shows, a local pier or marina, etc.) Martial arts are of particular interest to some boys and girls and dance classes for girls are a possibility.

And the most important and exciting of all: the twice-weekly trips to the library where one can find all sorts of challenging and educational activities going on for children (and many libraries have both chilren's librarians and children's reading rooms).

Oh. The daily hike. Even if it's just around the block, it's great exercise and an excellent time to chat with the children. Use a stroller for wee ones, but for toddlers, you can buy a little wagon (I naturally prefer red). You can even tote extra water, cookies or nuts and raisins, or even a brown bag for an impromtu picnic.

--Dan

Erica,
Things are different since I raised my three sons. My kid's were taught how to entertain themselves, and to play outside in the backyard. We bought baseballs and bat's and basketballs etc. And they were given paper a craylons and just taught how to play without that constant neediness I see these days. I worked with them on their alphabet and numbers and other things important for starting school. But they loved to play outside and discover the things going on in the backyard. My children have never had a weight problem and have always done well in school. And are extremely independent Men. Mother's today feel that they have to entertain their kids, schedule all of their time. Something as simple as a package of toy men, would keep my sons playing for hours. They used their own imaginations to set up citys and all types of storys in their mine. If taught kid's can have so much fun without you.

If you're not opposed to your children playing on the computer, Nickjr.com and noggin have great games for preschoolers. Maybe you could set your 4 yr old up on the computer and then have some one-on-one with the 2 yr old. My 3 yr old loves nickjr.com and plays it almost everyday while I help the older kids with homework or school projects.

We go to the park a lot. We take bread to feed the ducks and wade in the river. Sometimes we take stuff for a picnic. We also go to the library for story hour and AWANAS at church.

When the older kids are in school and we both have the time, my sister and I take our younger ones mall-walking. We put them in strollers and window shop or browse for an hour or so, then we head to the food court for lunch.

We also go to little league ballgames and any city-sponsored event like craft fairs or car shows.

One of our favorite things to do is have a movie party. We make popcorn and other snacks then put in a favorite movie like Shrek or Cars and watch it as a family. Good luck, I hope you get some ideas that work for you!

Somewhere in all of those schedule's you have to teach a child to think for themselves. Or do you end up with a adult who is afraid of the world unless someone is telling him or her what to do. Some activitys should just happen, like a impromtu walk to the park. Or a trip to visit friends and family. Can these schedules work againest the young mother who might feel like a failure if she doesn't keep them. Or forcing activitys on a kid that just may not like something you have planned for them?

I love being a SAHM. It is the most stress-free job I've ever had. Like others mentioned, I follow a schedule with my daughter and there is an activity during the morning for each day of the week. One day is the library (check with your library for toddler/storytime hours), baby gym the next, etc. We also eat and nap at specific times. Children love routine and it gives them a sense of security. I try to keep the organized activities in the morning hours so she can engage in indoor free play or outdoor play in the afternoon. Try to arrange your activities around where other SAHMs might be, that way you can build a network of new friends.

Just learn to relax, it will help you get through everything much better. It's ok if your son isn't 100% into reading at 4 years old, that just makes him normal. I had three kids in three years and I am pretty psyched to have just made it through the first couple years.

I would look into a part time job that you can work at night etc. so that you can still feel that side of you is accomplished. I recommend www.Arbonne.com -- it's a fabulous company that you can work a little or a lot and you can do so whenever you have time. It provides incredible compensation and a great success plan. check it out and contact me with any questions etc.

Hope you enjoy your kids as much as you can. Some days it is very very difficult -- but in general it is such a gift.

Thanks for all of the great advice. I want to balance between scheduled and unscheduled events for the kids. Since they are at different developmental stages, I am really nervous about how to give the older child attention when the younger one is pulling on me and screaming.
I really like the advice to just let the kids explore. I grew up exploring, and I enjoy relaxing in the backyard reading while the kids run around, look for bugs, and just entertain themselves. When I move, I won't have a fence, so I will still be outside with them. Charlene, I really appreciate the advice to foster independence.
Erin, thanks for the reminder to keep time for myself. I'm home every other Friday with the kids and on the weekends and I'm usually ready for work on Monday.
Please keep up the good advice.

I agree with the previous advice and just want to encourage you on. My mom was a stay at home mom as well. Even though things may not have always been planned out perfectly and at times may have been chaotic, those are not the times I remember. I remember the special times together with her. During these years you will be building lasting memories with your children. When they are grown up I am sure they will be sooo pleased that you spent that time with them. I know I am so thankful my mom stayed home with me and my brother. I understand that some moms can't be a stay at home mom, but when you can, it is nice!

I like being a stay at home mom, but that doesn't mean I'm only a mom, I need some time to myself. If you have a community where you can sign your kids up for some activities that helps alot, then you get some time to yourself and they have a special activity for themselves. Outside is definetly a life saver!!!!! and having a few people you can count on just to listen helps a lot too. Heck, come on here and complain and you'll feel better. I'll be glad to listen, while I was writing this my 3 and 5 year old boys are right beside me working on projects that we make from empty boxes. One thing i do have to say is that I have not stressed out about cleaning since I've been home, we have a family room that is lived in and I don't let it stress me out too much. It's taken me about a half hour just to write this because in between I have to keep helping my kids with taping and scizzors. Also if you love to do something don't be afraid to bring it down to a kid level, I love to read so when it's reading time I have my magazine and the kids look through their own books, I'm interrupted, but 9 times out of ten I can at least get through one article. Also don't be afraid of bringing your kids out, they're people too and ignore any of the comments and remind people that they once were a child too. Good Luck! In the end do what's best for you because a happy mom is the best present anyone can give their child.

I appreciate all of the moms contributing to ideas for planning the day. Does anyone have advice to occupying the 2 year old so that I can work with the 4 year old? Having the 4 year old entertain himself is not a problem, but the 2 year old is more difficult.
Gabrielle, I do read and have them read at the same time. Sometimes, I even read my magazine/book to the kids when they want to see what I am reading. Of course, I make sure that it's an appropriate topic for them to hear.
Ana, I do spend a lot of time with them now and make a lot of memories. On the weekend, we limit our other-than-family activities to only a few times per month (1 or 2). We really focus on making good times with the family and good memories, whether it is a tickle fest on the living room floor or a trip to the zoo. Usually, we focus on the family and night and weekends. Phone calls are even limited to after bedtime for the kids, except an occasional call to grandparents to let them talk.
Keep the advice coming.

2 year olds are tricky, have you tried home made play doh, only let the 2 year old play with it on special occassions, then it will feel like a special treat when you let her have it, I would set my son up in one of those chairs with a tray in the kitchen and then I'd be able to get about 15 minutes that I could work on a puzzle or building blocks with my other child. I don't know how you feel about videos, but I would allow my 2 year old to watch Dora, which was his favorite and not so much with my older kid so I could go to the kitchen with him and practice letters and shapes just with simple things like special markers that we only used together for letters. Also I would keep a basket of toys stached away and then when it seemed unbearable I would bring them out, and the kids would treat them like they were new. We would also take walks in our neighborhood looking for something special, eg. blue flower, piece of string and we wouldn't come home until we had it. But I do have to admit it only got a lot easier when my younger son was able to really play with the older one, now I just monitor and play fetch for whatever they need, and I get a lot more time for phone calls, or even to sneak in watching a tv show of my own once and a while.

Hi...from the perspective of a child who's mom quit work when i was 3 or 4 to stay at home with me, she always let us play (supervised) outside quite a bit. I'm not sure what your situation is in terms of access to outside facilities like parks and playgrounds, but I remember time flying and having a lot of fun. And even though they get a bad reputation (despite numerous studies linking them with improved math scores/hand eye coordination improvement) I also played a lot of video games. Good luck with everything.

I am a stay at home mom and I love it! Not to say that I don't love being in the workforce, but I love knowing that my children are getting the best care possible! My two key things: a schedule and a Dr. Pepper!! You just do what is best for you and make the needed sacrifices. Good luck!

It is a big transistion. In any case, take some time to relax. Good luck!

I would agree with most of the advice here, and would definately suggest a part-time job or your own business to be able to talk to some grown-ups every once in awhile. I sell Mary Kay and it is sooooo nice to get out and have real conversations!

Erica: Do what you Aunt and I did. Buy them motorcycles and tell them that if they get hurt don't come crying to us. You just have to relax and roll with the punches. Life is to short to worry about every step. Also life is to much fun if you just let it. Remember that you are the BOSS and make sure they know it as well. And keep a ball bat handy for when the oldes gets bigger than you. I wish I could have had my Grand kids first.

Find activities to do with both of them, like crafts or playdough.

I can sympathize--it was very difficult transitioning from working mom to stay-at-home mom. I began to feel like I had little purpose, and the kids did drive me batty some days!
Kids need to learn to occupy themselves for at least part of the day. I am not a cruise director, and I don't need to organize activities for them all day long.
The most lifesaving thing for me is playdates, because I consider them not only a playdate for the kids, but also for the moms. I've built a network of really wonderful ladies that I enjoy sharing time with, and through it all we realize that we are not alone and often share the same frustrations. It's therapeutic!

I've always been a stay at home mom. I was lucky that I didn't have to go back to work after we started having children. Truthfully I get a little irritated every now and then with my children, but that's to be expected. When you feel like you are getting too stressed, take a mini time out for yourself. When there's another adult around of course. Sometimes when my husband comes home, I leave for a while, just so I can unwind. It can be stressful especially with little ones, but you can do it. Just remember to take some me time.