I could never quite make my mind up about Will Smith and until now never understood why. He was funny in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and as a stand up and turned in competent performances in films like Men in Black. Somehow though I never took to him, it was not his strange looking ears I’m sure, perhaps it was the way, because he is tall and gangly we are expected to assume he is multi – mega – talented (what happened to the little, fat, talented bloke in The Fresh Prince, he was hilarious?) No, whatever the thing about Will was, it remained intangible.
It troubled me for many years. I wanted to like the guy, he is intelligent, articulate and well presented but there was something that did not gel.
This week Will was reported as having leaped to the defence of his friend Tom’ Cruise (4’6") whose devotion to the evil mind control cult of Scientology continues to attract ridicule. Styling himself a student of world religion, Will enlightened us thus: "The ideas of The Bible are 98% the same as the ideas of Scientology, Hinduism and Buddhism."
Hindus and Buddhists might be quite surprised to hear that and, well I’m no fan of The Bible but I don’t recall any mention of inter-galactic Empires in the Old Testament.
So what are these Scientology beliefs that are 98% the same as most of the world’s great religions?
The information I am about to give you is usually only revealed to people who have gained admission to Scientology’s highest echelons by making a payment of £350,000 and an epoxy resin replica of Kirsty Alley’s butt. Remember, you were let into this secret of the origins of civilisation for free by Ian Thorpe at Gather (although if you want to send $350,000 (£175,000) feel free. We will pass on the replica. Here we go.
Seventy five million years ago the Intergalactic Evil Overlord Xenu banished dissidents from his realm and sent them to earth in spaceships that looked like Douglas Dakotas, (the WW2 transport plane.)
These beings were imprisoned in mountains before being blown up with H bombs, and brainwashed by repeated showings of movies based on the sci – fi novels of L Ron Hubbard. Their traumatised spirits, called Thetans, then took possession of human bodies and still possess us.
Your inner Thetan can only be removed by "advanced scientology" in a ceremony that involves paying the cult $350,000. You will be relieved to learn however that Xenu is safely in captivity under a mountain, just like Merlin in the King Arthur legend.
Will Smith is not yet a scientologist but says it is dangerous and ignorant to ridicule the beliefs of scientology.
"How can I condemn their beliefs when I believe my God was born of a pregnant virgin?" he asks.
So now I understand why I could not take to Will Smith for all those years.
He’s a dick.
BTW to anyone thinking of commenting, please be careful what you say about the evil, mind controlling cult of scientology. They are well known for dealing ruthlessly with people who criticise them, particularly those who say they are an evil, mind - control cult. If you know anyone who has described the evil, mind - control cult of scientology as an evil mind - control cult in public you should warn them to be very vigilant. The scientoligists will be watching them.
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Comments: 40
Oh, and the idea of a pregnant virgin isn't so strange now, is it? Simple artificial insemination, Mr. Smith. You can do it with a plastic turkey baster - I seen it on the Maury Povich Show. ;=)
Nobody noticed his name was straight out of "Damn Yankees" the Devil's persona while walking on earth.
Whatever the heck those turkeys are talking about is their bag not mine and as long as they don't ask me to contribute to their cause I shall not worry about them whatsoever.
Thanks!
You need to change your name, move to another town and admit: 'I was wrong, Scientology is the WAY FORWARD'...
Clearly I have stumbled into a cult of some sort here . . .
(And some of them play a lot of crappy music too,
there's another reason not to make fun of them.)
You want turkey baster jokes, I got them Gene :-)
I am reporting what I read in the press. I suppose my embellishments on top of their embellishments on top of Scientology's nonsense. But broadly speaking its what they are told to believe. Basically their beliefs are very distorted versions of ancient myths common to many cultures. The Egyptians for example believed the Gods came from the stars, the Greeks, North Europeans, Brahmins in India and many others believed renegade Gods were imprisoned under volcanoes.
Piece it all together and you find modern religions are all synthesised.
I remember Christina Applegate in Married With Children :-)
Lightening bolts Bert? Like the ones that fly out of The Ark of the Covenant? Its a giant capacitor you know, but Egyptian or Persian in origing. Dammed if I know what they used it for, but wet cell batteries dated to 200 BC were found in the ruins of Babylon.
The Bible gets in the way of a lot of interesting stuff the ancients were up to.
Worry. With Huckabee's campaign set to fall apart, its not to late for a Scientologist candidate to enter the field.
Let them come and have a go if they think they're hard enough :-)
What gets me is they just don't understand no sane person takes them seriously. There was a brilliant episode on Star Stories where John Travolta recruited Little Tommy by hitting him with a shovel.
But if things do get scary for me Ishbel, I promise I will come to Edinburgh and take refuge in the underground city.
A British cult comedy maybe, its Gods being Python of Monty, Milligan of Spike, Izzard of Eddie and Britain of Little.
Because religions and cults have contributed so much to world ills many of us in Britain consider it a sacred duty to make fun of them. Ridicule is a more effective weapon than rhetoric. I have no problem with people treating my beliefs as ridiculous. Beliefs are ridiculous and people who do not want their ridiculed should not proslytize.
Fundamentalist churches have never gained a foothold in Britain (don't believe the lies of fundie preachers) simply because we are always ready to make fun of them. And yes, often in childish ways.
Yes, and satire too. Humor in general is a better way to oppose the intolerant rants of fanatical fundamentalists.
Here's my latest effort in that genre.
You too have your beliefs and customs. You too are capable of taking your own speculation, as if the word of God. Turns out, you can't know what the actual truth of this or that doctrine is, just your imagination. You can dress it up as fact all you wish, and speak as though you knew the ultimate nature of the universe, but you don't.
So why do you keep pretending you do? Kinda cultish if you ask me.
How can I resist an offer like that ;-)
Nobody knows the uliate nature of the Universe and I for one do not pretend to although I know more about quanum physics than most.
The idea that none of us knows anything and all we have is a personal perception of reality is one of the most stupid notions to come out of the LSD culture of the 1960s. Of course there are facts, there are knowns. Gravity is a fact, we know this because we are not floating around in space. But what is gravity, how does it work? Nobody unsterstands. Therefore I can easily prove "scientifically" that gravity cannot exist. All I woild be proving in bfact is that the known natural laws cannot explain gravity (or magneteism or certain behaviourts of light. It is fact though that these things are so.
Also John, you seem rather confused about what constitues a cult. It takes more than one person to be a cult and I do not advertise my beliefs so I am not encouraging others to share them.
What I write does not represent my personal beliefs but is styled to encourage others to question the kind of religious thinking that claims unquestioning belief in ancient superstitions is actually the key to understanding the nature of the universe.
The Answer To Life, The Universe and Everything - begin your quest here, and remember DON'T PANIC!
Higgs Boson
Superstring Theory
BTW Did I mention among things I believe are: King Arthur, The Loch Ness Monster, Leprechauns, Bigfoot and The Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy.
"What I write does not represent my personal beliefs"
Well, not much to discuss then.
Nemo me impune lacessit.
What are you saying? That we should only write of our personal beliefs?
Well that eliminates most of the world's great literature from everybody's "to read" list.
Have you heard of writing to entertain, to provoke thought and discussion?
At the school I went to (a very old, very expensive school) we were taught to debate in both the spoken and written word. Part of this education was learning to present both sides of the argument. We also learned the techniques of philosophical enquiry, abstract thought in other words.
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin John?
When a tree falls in the forest and their is nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Pointless questions but a great source of intellectual exercise.
Immanuel Kant said "objects exist in reality but only a human mind can surround them with time and space." Care to discuss that idea.
When Nietzsche said "when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you," what did he mean?
According to David Hume knowledge comes from observation and experience thus, as every individual's perceptions are different nothing can be proved. This is the basis of the modern obession with beliefs. Hume, one of the earliest existentialists, says however "observation and experience," not belief. Our perception of an object may differ slightly but in most cases what we see, a table, a chair, a cat, a dog is broadly the same. The object exists in reality, as Kant so rightly said. Time of course is a purely human construct and distance similarly. What is a minute, an hour, an inch or a yard? Purely abstract and arbitrary concepts of time and distance.
Still think there is not much to discuss John. Or more to the point, do you think you are up to the job of discussing it?
I have no problem respecting the beliefs of people who have thought about what they believe, developed a profound understanding and can discuss constructively a critical analysis of their belief system.
Most people who hold strong beliefs however take the intellectually lazy option and try to deny thinkers the right to criticise their beliefs. For such people belief is a psychological crutch.
Over to you John, discuss.
What are you saying? That we should only write of our personal beliefs?
What are you saying? That there is another kind?
Peace ; )
I like Will Smith and Tom Cruise. And, if I were going to join a religion, I think it would be Scientology (I completed the ten-page questionnaire recently). At least they know they are weird and admit that they are proud to be that way.
On the serious side, at least they are happy and peaceful and don't want to drag everyone else into their religion.
Agree with you there, Carlton was great. Over at Boggart Blog, my UK comedy blog, I have found quite a lot of people who wonder what Carlton is doing now. My son thinks he's a stand up, but her has dropped off the radar in the UK.
There is lots of stuff to write about other than beliefs and many people's beliefs are boring to others so we should perhaps keep our beliefs to ourselves.
Hope you decide to read some of the stuff I mentioned. One of the problems with philosophy now is in our time poor world people tend to react, "I believe that" or "I don't believe that," when all the philosopher is asking the reader to do is consider an idea.
Abstract thought is a wonderful place to escape to.
You weren't under attack. I come in peace.
"There is lots of stuff to write about other than beliefs"
I understand the off-hand meaning of what that says, and realize one can speak of what one has gathered of others, but when we do, our words reflect OUR beliefs, and not an ultimate reality. All beliefs are personal, there simply can be no other kind. If you are operating under some other assumption, you are lost in your own beliefs, believing them something more solid.
One can always find a way to see others as different, or odd. One can always describe this or that aspect of humanity as the "other". Religion is a popular whipping boy for many who fancy themselves beyond the childish practices of group-ism and specialness . . but what then are you folks doing here, exactly?
If you spoke of belief in the singular you would be on solid ground, a belief is that we accept as being so without alsolute proof. When it becomes beliefs in the plural, a set of beliefs i.e. a faith is something we accept unquestioningly without any proof, something not supported by reason.
It is my belief that you are challenging my right to ridicule the beliefs of Scientology because you fear I might ridicules your beliefs next.
My beliefs include the following: Though Shakesoeare ranks supreme as a verse - dramatist, Tennyson equald him as a lyric stylist; The Beatles are a better band than the Rolling Stones but neither are as good as Don't Feed The Bears, Oscar Wilde was a good playwright but a bad Queen; beer brewed in the North of England is infinitely superior to that brewed in the South.
You see beliefs are not important to me, perceptions, which are based on evidence, are. Thus perceptions can change on the basis of experience, beliefs can change on a whim.
As for you final question, being active at gather does not involve unquestioning acceptance of dogmas or a creed therefore cannot be compared to religion. Religion is a popular whipping boy of those who recognise the danger of large numbers of people setting aside the power of individual thought and basing all their judgements on the alleged revelations of the word of the divine to an assortment of oddballs ranging from ancient priests to failed sci-fi writers, country and western singers and failed insurance salesment.
If your only counter - argument is that my beliefs must be as crazy as those of the average religious person, then you know little of the world outside America.
Ideas John, talk about ideas and people will respond positively, talk about dogma and only the weak minded will listen.
The German government are trying to ban Scientology and close their operation in Germany. I guess as a social-democratic state they consider all beards to be equal.
Fuck religion? No thanks, I don't get jiggy with ugly minds :-)