Who Cares if You Have an I-Phone

There are days when I feel like a therapist dealing with one alcoholic after another.

This after noon I went to visit my mother and I really love my mom and she has her problems like anyone else but I think alcohol has taken a deeper grip of her life than she even knows.  I have spent my life watching my mother fall deeper into depression.  When I saw her today she would hardly talk to me because she had not had a drink all day.  She is trying not to drink anything till 5pm everyday, I had no idea that people could set a specific time to start drinking.  The anticipation on her face was a mixture of deep sadness and a longing.  I got to her house around four and since she would not talk to me I decided to talk to her while I cleaned up her house a little.  I straightened out the living room and then did the dishes while she watched television.  At exactly five it felt like the recess bell rang.  She went to the fridge and immediately opened a can of beer.  She just seemed to spring to life and got very talkative.  By the time she got to her third beer she was doing fine and making jokes.  She pulled out her check book and told me that this was for the car payment and to buy food.  I thanked her and left her house, I told her I was leaving three times but she never paid any attention to what I was saying.  I locked the door behind me.

On the drive to the store I thought about what I had said to Teresa this morning and then I looked at my mother's check.  I feel bad about taking money from my mother at my age and the thought of tearing up the check crossed my mind.  I folded the check and but it in my purse.

I drove directly to the grocery store because I have been putting off buying food because I have spent a lot of money this week on buying things I really did not need.  I went to the produce aisle and got some fruit and vegetables.  Then I went over to the frozen food section and bought a bunch of smart ones and lean cuisine.  I made sure I bought enough food to last me two weeks.  While I was looking at the magazines my friend Karen came up behind me and scared me.  The first thing she did was pull out her new i-Phone and she told me how great the phone is.  She said her husband had waited outside the store for two days to get the phones when they came out.  She must have spent 20 minutes bragging about how amazing it is.  I stood patiently listening to her and then she asked to see my phone.  When I pulled it out to show it too her she looked down at my hand and said, "that is cute its pink" and then returned to show me all the things her phone could do.  I finally told her that I left something in the oven.  She looked in my cart saw the frozen food and said, "Beth but you don't cook".  I told her I had to leave and moved my cart around and headed to the check out line.  Some people can just be so rude.

When I got home I put all my groceries away and I stared blankly into the television not caring what was on.  I started getting down on myself for not having a more exciting life.  I have spent the majority of this evening kind of spaced out.

I have come to the computer to write out my thoughts on the day and its not always about telling a story on gather.  This is my life, I share it with gather, this is what I am doing right now.