Contribute to the "Unofficial Civilian Code Book"! (yah... we gotta code for that...)

I was thinking the other day --

(Uh-oh... she's been thinkin' again... It took a week and 3 bottles of Clorox to get the stains out the LAST time...)

Don't pay any attention to what those italics say... I think it's just part of this "inner dialogue thing" I seem to have rambling around my brain most of the time...

As I was saying (before I was so rudely interrupted), I was thinking about those cool-sounding numerical "codes" that police and fire departments use to describe different situations and I thought:

"You know, we 'civilians' could use something like that to report situations that aren't necessarily 'illegal', per se, but ones that we think other people should be made aware of."

(Does she always carry on a dialogue with herself in complete sentences? -- Yah, most of time, she does... With dangling participles like that? ... yep...)

Anyway, here are a few of my suggestions for the "Unofficial Civilian Code Book":

Code 13-35: "Failure to complete all line items on personal check with exception of amount before entering 10-items-or-less check-out line at supermarket" (upgraded to a felony if, after filling out the check, the check-writer makes the entire line wait behind them while they reconcile their check register).

Code 13-22: "Low-profile tires, racing slicks/stripes or rear spoiler installed on Gremlin, Colt, Omni, Pinto or Probe".

Code 13-41: "Man operating toupee with expired registration" (added penalty for each shade of color difference between the guy's real hair color and the toupee).

Code 13-54: "Little, old lady peering through steering wheel while attempting to operate motor vehicle" (penalty enhanced if she has blue hair or is wearing a golf visor).

Code 13-57: "Hispanic operating motor vehicle with excessive passengers" (if "oompah music" is present, penalty doubled for each decible over 100).

Code 13-63: "Oversized American flag(s) being flown from back of pick-up truck" (penalty doubled for each flag over one and for each inch of fraying present).

Code 13-12: "Loud conversation over cell phone being conducted in a public area" (penalty tripled for husbands in the paper products aisle at the supermarket consulting their wives about which kind of toilet paper or sanitary napkins to buy).

Code 13-12B: "Use of ear-piece with concealed cell phone which makes other people in area think you're talking to them".

Code13-24: "Attempted 'high-five' coercement".

Code 13-42: "Excessive use of cologne or perfume" (penalty enhanced for each yard from the wearer that the cologne/perfume can be detected by innocent bystanders).

Code 13-43: "Excessive application of tooth-whitener" (penalty tripled if any innocent by-standers must have their pupils dialated after exposure).

Code 13-25: "Attempting to pass another vehicle in 'straight-through lane' by use of 'right-turn only lane' when light turns green."

Code 13-17: "Pressing pedestrian 'walk' or elevator up/down button more than once" (penalty added for each press over three and tripled if there is another person already waiting whom it's reasonable to expect already pressed it).

I'm sure that you can come up with other codes that you'd like to see listed in the "Unofficial Civilian Code Book". C'mon, now, don't be shy...  :o)

(...Then whaddaya gonna do? Make everybody in the whole freakin' WORLD a copy?)

Aaaaaaa, shuddup inner-dialogue... or I'll make up a code for YOU...

(Edited on 06/18/07 to include Humor Writers group in distribution.)