The other day, an online friend of whom I am quite fond made the extravagant claim that, were we to be pals in real life, she could teach me how to have fun. I was skeptical of her ability (or indeed, anyone's) to accomplish this. I've been thinking about it ever since, and wondering why I don't ever seem to have fun. I do have experiences I would consider to be satisfying, or enjoyable, but not "fun." I tried to define what I think fun actually is, and had a hard time figuring it out. I know it when I see it. Children seem to have fun playing, and so do my cats. Other adults seem to have fun at parties, or doing things like skiing. I came to the conclusion that "fun" involves: 1) an absence of need to accomplish anything concrete, and 2) a certain degree of abandon, or un-selfconsciousness.
As any of my readers will readily ascertain, both 1) and 2) are utterly foreign to my nature. I remember reading a book about Myers-Briggs personality typing a while ago, and coming out as an INTJ -- as part of the discussion of this personality type, there was a sentence that said: "It's almost heartbreaking to watch this type of person try to enjoy himself." I hadn't thought about that in a long time, but it came back to me as I was considering this issue.
I then started to wonder whether it's even important for me to be able to have fun. Perhaps I have a different internal definition of what "fun" is. I don't feel at ease unless I am doing something I consider to be worthwhile. The things that I see people doing for fun usually strike me as a complete waste of time (getting drunk, for example). Not too long ago, I was on my way to a chamber music concert, and someone said to me: "Have fun!" I was insulted by this, on some visceral level. I wasn't going in order to have fun. I was going to Get Something Out of It, which I did. It's quite important to me to Get Something Out of Things, which seems in some way adversarial to many people's concept of fun.
If I were going to cast a vote in favor of what I really need out of life, "fun" wouldn't be on the list. "Peace" would be the first item. This may explain why, in my unstructured leisure time, what I really like to do is sleep. Maybe I'd need less sleep if I enjoyed myself more. I don't know. In some sense I enjoyed writing this post, but I wouldn't say I had fun doing it.
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 25
So I think it just depends on what our definition of fun is. Maybe for you fun is doing something productive. That's okay. I do remember the post you made about splashing in the rain puddles. I think that might have been the beginning of fun for you, if you had allowed yourself to go with it!
I so enjoy your wonderfully idiosyncratic, virtuous view of the world, even if it's just "in fun."
"Fun" times for me where, for example, when I'd saved up enough bubble wrap to cover the whole floor of the living room and then let my kids hop around and pop it all. Or, when we'd strike up an impromptu game of "keep it in the air" with a half-dozen balloons.
"Fun" happens, but not usually as planned: it seems to have more to do with an ability to laugh and let things happen. And sometimes that happens because the other choice is to cry, of course...
And don't get insulted by other people saying "have fun" to you. You know, it's just an expression to be polite.
Now does that make me insensitive??*scratching my head..*Darn if I know!!But I do think that you take yourself too seriously sometimes....*again wondering if Im being a fool by saying that!*
David, we order you to have fun.
ascribe to joannes take on alcohol. At around twenty, you can recover in a day, after forty, it may take three or more to feel totally normal again. Ugh!
Am I a stick in the mud, yeah maybe. ;-)
David, I think we need another gather... for the rest of us