2
It only took about twenty or so minutes, arriving in front of Charlie's house. He had your typical wide ranch. The Christmas decorations still scattered about the melting snow. It was now January. Santa and his reindeer were erect except Rudolph, who must have been subjected to last night's winds. His front door had been open, giving me a signal that he was expecting me. He knew my plan would be going down early today and he did the right thing by signaling me to come on in with an open door. And so I parked, turned off the ignition, still wondering how I would begin this whole ordeal, approaching the entrance with anticipation.
I rang the door bell and opened the screen door. "Charlie you up," I called out. Charlie responded as he approached the foyer.
"Yeah Frankie I'm ready. Got everything we need. You let the others know we're swinging by?" He looked at me as he placed his jacket on. "Only the basics, the less they know the better," I told him as I walked back outside to my car.
Charlie had been my friend since were kids. We both grew up on the same block, our parents moved into their homes while we were still in diapers. As we grew older, we bonded. Charlie loved to play movie characters as a kid and I always ended up playing the villain. Running around chasing after Dirty Harry with my cap gun, Charlie would jump out of a tree shooting me with his water gun as I'd fall to the grass, pretending to be mortally wounded. Today we have real guns.
As Charlie entered the car he looked in my direction, waiting for me to go over my plan. He was sure I had all the details; location and whatever else came with it. He was right. This wasn't the first time for me, nor was it for Charlie. We've been through this before and we survived, coming out unscathed.
"Charlie, you have your piece right?" It was important to ask him because he tended to forget some of the minor details before, and I wasn't allowing him the opportunity to screw things up this time around. "Yeah, can we go, I got to be back before three, my wife is having some friends over."
I thought about what he'd said as I started the car up and proceeded to drive further south to get the last of us. My wife still thinks I'm doing some restructuring and cleaning in Charlie's garage. I wonder what Charlie told his wife he's doing. I left this part of the equation out. What if the Mrs. calls asking for me? If these two women start asking each other questions, we're bound to get caught. Then what?
"Charlie, what did you tell your wife? Does she know what we're doing?"
"Yep, she knows enough to cover up for ya, if that's what you're worrying about."
I could see the seriousness in Charlie's face; he had it all taken care of. That's what I liked about him. Even as childhood buddies, I could count on Charlie to cover for me. Like the time I had to go in the Ladies room after my girlfriend. Charlie kept an eye out and wouldn't let anyone else in while I was conducting business.
"I said come out of the stall Virginia, Let's talk this over. She's just a friend. Nothing more, you gotta believe me.
"Bullshit, Frankie, I seen you two smooching in the hallway, no way, don't lie to me!!" She yelled.
"If you don't come out, I'm sliding under and grabbing your legs Gin,"
"Frankie..."
I can still remember as I was about to get Virginia to reconsider, in came Charlie to warn me that Principal Skinner was traversing this way. So I quickly said my forgiveness and a few Hail Mary's as Charlie and I crawled out the bathroom window. He was that type of guy, always watching my back for me.
Reaching for my gun in the glove compartment, making sure I had a fresh round of bullets to unload if needed, I thought again how this plan of mine would work best. Charlie seemed to be in deep thought right now as well, because he's looking out the window gazing into nothingness. This will work.
Around this time, I begin to get nervous. It makes me more prepared though. Best to be on your guard, I always say, want to come home to my wife alive, not in a body bag. And so I place my magazine clip back in my gun letting off a loud click, breaking Charlie's concentration as he looks back over in my direction. Trying to concentrate on the road ahead of me, driving carefully so I don't get pulled over by the police, I know I have Charlie's attention.
"Ok we are almost near Kurt's house and Lou's with him. They know the basics. When we get closer, I'll fill ‘em in with all the details, Ok." Charlie agreed, nodding as he put his gun away. I did too, feeling a little anxious and wondering if I had too much coffee this morning. I needed to prepare mentally, as I knew things would get worse from here on in before they got any better.
PART 3 TO COME
By
Charles D
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976918345


Comments: 34
Kathleen, you make me want to go back right now with those words of encouragement and inspiration. Yet I need to eat, use the facilities and stop reading so many great articles on this addicting site. Help!!!
Rated 10.
Marilyn
Good manipulation follow-through... and good intensity building!
Still distracted by tenses. Here's a great example of what I mean.
Charlie seemed to be in deep thought right now as well, because he's looking out the window gazing into nothingness.
Either Charlie SEEMS to be in deep thought, because he IS looking
Or he SEEMED to be in deep thought because he WAS looking.
So far, that kind of spit shine could put enough polish on this to make it viable in the NON Gather publishing world.
Excellent way to draw the reader out and make him want to know just what the heck is going on.
"Charlie had been my friend since were kids." ~ missed the word 'we'
" We 'both' grew up on the same block," ~ 'both' may be an unnecessary word
"Charlie 'agreed, nodding' as he put his gun away. ~'nodded his agreement' maybe
"I'll fill 'em in with all the details, Ok." "~ needs a question mark?
"It was important to ask him because he tended to forget some of the minor details before,"~ I get the point here but maybe you should rearrange the sentence a little and not end this phrase with 'before' or do you even need the word before since you used the word 'tended'
"I did too, feeling a little" go ahead and say exactly what you did..I feel it's a little lost following the sentence before.
Charles I like this story. I know I can be a pain in the butt about critiques but I hope you feel I'm helping in some way. I'm looking forward to reading the next part of your story!
I've read some people's comments about how they don't get why or how some can offer so much intended constructive criticism while they have little writing history to show for it. My excuse is that I'm just an aspiring know-it-all. LOL
I for one applaud anyone who can write fiction. I would love to be able to write a fictional story but haven't since I was in about 4th grade. I just don't think I have the imagination. Hopefully this will change and the change will probably only come after I take a course in creative writing. Who knows?
I'm really interested in reading more of your story. Is it finished? Will you post more soon?