Oct 21 - 28

This was a crazy module and an even crazier week. 

This mod I go Tues, Thurs, and Saturday.  This week I had a test, a quiz, a test.  And I worked M - F and Sunday.

I get afraid I have taken on too much.  Or maybe I cannot rely on my support system as much as I thought.   I don't know which.

I don't want to revisit the drama...just suffice it to say.  Drama kept knocking on my door and I kept letting it in.  Big mistake.  I know almost precisely what I must do to make it through the week.  I keep telling myself that these 16 hour days are a great preparation for what is ahead....but I realize that it is such a delicate balance and if I don't honor that....I will be the one to pay.

By Wednesday I was so exhausted....I failed my quiz.  I have never failed and it sucks.  I did get 90s on both the tests but I am embarassed about that quiz.  Friday I almost could not make it thru my work....so tired.  When I went home, I don't remember what happened from the time I got home to the time the alarm went off so I could pick up the kidlettes.  Scary.

Getting tired of this relationship I am in. Tired of the pressure.Yet now without it I cannot reach our goals.  I feel bad.  This is supposed to be for all of us.  I am such a team player but damn.  It is not a matter of some one running ahead or behind.  It is a matter of some laying down in your path and grabbing your ankles.  I am trying to keep my cool.  Trying to be thankful.  But I get so resentful.  Maybe I am just tired. Maybe next week will better.

Went out for my birthday Sat. but I think it put me over the top.  I slept until the last minute that I had to work and slept  until I knew I had to do laundry.

rough week.  hopefully it will get better