Sept 17 - 14

Wow. This week was rough.

1.  Our Class

Tuesday we were given a group project.  We so do not function as a group and I think it is to our great detriment.  People are getting personally offensive to one another and I hate it.  I cannot believe these people want to be nurses.  They are all words, "the patient this", "patient that".  This of course is of the greatest importance.  BUT and this may be my feeling alone, if we don't all get it together...

Well it is like this for lack of an ability to express myself well.  Have you ever been to a workplace and there is a lot of drama going on?  You can have 3 people putting all the attention on you as a customer but when all the employees are not getting along, back biting, etc. you feel that undercurrent of discontent and you find yourself a piece of their drama unwillingly.  I fear this could happen to a patient if these folks don't leave their baggage at the door.  I tried to talk to everyone.  People walked out on me.  Some amped up the drama.  I think 2 or 3 people actually listened (We are a class of 24)  I was told....I am not here to make friends.  Well ok, how about colleagues?  I swear I feel like I am caught up in some big reality drama series thing and it blows. 

I sent the following email: 

Hello Everyone,

I apologize for the second email.

I went home with an unsettled feeling last night. This presentation is supposed to be about professionalism and teamwork. I know that we all have it in us, despite some of the issues we had last night.

It is difficult to organize a group of 25 students. We all come from different places in our lives and have different situations. Some of us have very strong personalities while others are less vocal. The one thing that is unique to all of us is that we want to reach our goals and graduate. In attaining this goal, it will be required of all of us to work together and interact in a professional manner.

I heard a lot of the blame game, name calling, condescending attitudes, people not letting the leader do his job, and patronization. That is not teamwork. That is not professional behavior.

You will have people that you will not like or agree with here, in your clinicals, your patients, and on the outside. But there is one thing that you should give to all these people, especially your classmates....and that is respect. I should not have to remind you that we are all adults, we are all intelligent. We are all different, yes....but if you choose to ignore the fact that different can be an advantage then it is to your detriment.

I am not here to point fingers. That will get us nowhere. I think it is best that we take a look at ourselves as individuals and control our own behaviors. Ask yourself, what is professionalism is and work on yourself and once you have done that. Discover how you can best succeed in a spirit of respect and cooperation of others trying to reach a similar goal. I know it is in each one of us. Screaming, patronizing, and divisive behavior may work in the short term...but I am in here for the long haul. And it is my great hope that we can all be nurses of the highest caliber together!
I have heard "I am not here to make friends". Well, that is your decision. I think you should at least consider that the people around you, while they may not be what you consider friend material....they will certainly be your future colleagues. Treat them as such and please be respectful.

I apologize if I have stepped on any toes here.

Amber is asking us to meet tonight. I hope that the grand majority of us will be able to do this, but realistically I know that there will be some who cannot. I hope that my time will not be wasted tonight discussing people's level of dedication, drive, or questioning their judgment. We all know what we have to do so let's do it. If you cannot make it tonight, maybe there is another way you can contribute. You know what you are able to do better than anyone else. Offer it up.
Because in reality, no one can control anyone else's level of effort, but a professional with good solid teamwork can make it work. And isn't that what this project is all about?

God Bless. Have a good day. And I hope to see you all tonight,

Heather

I guess that was bad to send but I felt so desperate. I brought lollipops for the group to sweeten some dispositions for fun.  Well I got us in trouble with the instructor for the lollipops but I accepted responsibility for it.  I was told by one of the group that it wasn't the way to do it.  Well I don't know what more to do. 

On the flip side, I felt more at peace because I did try.  I cannot control them, only myself.  I only hope it won't be this way forever.

2. Instructor v Students.

We have a war going on.  An Instructor v. the Students.  Thing is both sides are wrong and everyone is crossing the line.  There are some students acting with disrespect.  The teacher lectures the non offenders and punishes us.  Is there no middle ground?  And maybe it is because I am older....but I don't understand how anyone can be disrespectful to a teacher whether they are wrong or right. I am again beside myself.

3.  I am doubting myself.  If this is how it is I am not sure I want to continue and I am angry with myself for even questioning wanting to stick with it.  I still want to be a nurse.  But I am depressed thinking that this will be straight drama until graduation.  BUT I will do it.  I have to.  This too will pass.  I keep telling myself, even if it continues to the end this is only temporary.