Not Caring

There are problems with living in two different worlds. One of the problems is that I’m still holding on to my life. I’m holding on to what feels comfortable as I find myself growing. Being LDS ( Mormon ), I think leaves a bad taste in the mouths of some guys. No, I am not talking about oral sex here. I’m a gay man. What this post deals with isn’t the fact that I’m mormon or that I’m a gay man. This post has to do with people who can’t deal with me being me.

You know, they need to wake up and smell the roses. I’m not going to sit and pretend right now to any of you. I’m a guy who is done caring if any of you can’t deal with who I am. I am thankful to Rick, Wally, Carlos, and the others who have kept their presence quiet on my blog. I am not coming down on you. There are people who wouldn’t care one way or another who I am. There are people who don’t care what my heart looks like, but people should look past the those labels of Mormon and gay.

Yeah, they need to look those labels. They need to see all the different posts on here wrapped up inside one person’s shell. I’m not a fragment of one label or another. I’m the sum of all these different posts and then some. I’m sure that some of you see it. Man, I’m thankful for those who do see it.

Some of you have seen the bright side of me. You’ve seen that despite being in the closest that I’m not so bad. It’s true! There is no problem with who I am in my eyes. Do you have any problems with me?

I’m sick of not feeling like I’m worth anything every time, I enter a chat room. It’s okay! You have your opinions. I’m sorry if this offends. I certainly don’t mean to be offensive. But when I feel happy after a night of chat, then to have it dropped like a dime. Do you have any idea what it’s like? This time, I am not closing myself off. After this post, I’m going back into chat.

I’m going back into chat. I’m going to spend at least an hour. I’m going to relax and chat with a friends. I’ll enjoy the quiet of the local room. There is something comforting and boring about it. I just need to find a few friends. That is what, I’m going to do. I’m going to relax.