A Death in the Family

I have lost my older brother.  He has been slipping away for a couple of years now, but now it's done.  It's over.  My feelings are so jumbled right now.  Half of me mourns, half of me is relieved.  These last two years have been increasingly painful for my entire family as he sunk deeper and deeper into his illness and became less and less like himself. 

He was, or rather is, 58.  I don't mean to confuse.  The fact is that in technical terms, he is still breathing.  He still holds a job, he still cuts his grass, he still goes to church every week.  But, regardless, my brother has died.  It all started a couple of years back when he started making rather strange remarks at family gatherings, while sitting around the dining room table discussing issues of interests. 

You see, my family is from Massachusetts and my parents have always been educated, Kennedy-loving, church-going Democrats.  They raised my brothers and me to believe that it is our responsibility in life to 'Do Unto Others', and to take care of those who are less fortunate.  If I had a nickle for every time my mother said, "There but for the grace of God go I", I could have retired long ago and be writing this from my Caribbean villa, dripping from my morning dive.  So, you get the picture - real Christian, empathetic, 'concerned citizen of the world', liberal Democrats. 

At first, we thought my brother was simply exhibiting stress.  He had lost a couple of jobs in his life during the era of downsizing and low military budgets, and has never been one to handle change.   These losses, although he always ended up finding another job, took their toll on his sense of security and self-esteem.  And I think it was these feelings that drove him to the pusher on the corner radio - Rush Limbaugh. 

At first he would share some of Limbaugh's comments with a laugh, making them out to be a joke.  When the rest of the family told him they didn't think that it passed for 'humor' and was actually pretty twisted, he would simply shrug.  Then, he started taking these ideas seriously, but still offering them up in discussions as 'alternative ways of looking at things'.  Being an open, liberal-minded group, we would discuss the merits and veracity of such 'views', probably giving him a little too much confidence to pursue them further.

We didn't realize that this was becoming a serious illness until the Spring of 2008.  At our Easter family gathering, it really hit the fan.  My brother 'came out'.  He took over the discussion as if he was in the pulpit, preaching to the almost-damned.  It was shocking and, although we tried to change the subject, he was bent on telling us that the world would end if a Democratic President was elected.  Afterwards, his teenage children seemed quite embarassed and one of them sidled over to me and said, "Aunt Sheryl, dad sits out in the car in the garage when he comes home from somewhere, just listening to that guy on the radio finish his program.  He's like a stranger now."  That nearly broke my heart.  My brother - the one I had always looked up to, who always had a quick joke or comment, and an easy laugh.  He used to be so likable, so kind.  Now, his own son didn't know recognize him.

From that time on, anyone in the family with a working email address started receiving the forwards.  They were nauseating, they were full of hate, they were full of lies and twisted exaggerations.  When Obama won the Democratic nomination, they exploded.  At first, I would occassionally open one and try to respond with some facts and a few counter-points.  That was futile, and exhausted me no end since I had to fight the bile coming up my throat into my mouth while reading these hate-filled diatribes.  My next tact was to delete them, but that got to be tiresome, too.  I finally asked him nicely to cease and desist.  It took a couple of nice requests, but it finally got through.  Unfortunately, my grown children were also on his recipient list, but were technically savvy enough to create a separate folder to which my brothers' emails would automatically drop, which they could periodically delete without having to even read the subject lines.

Thanksgiving came and my brother decided not to come to my parents' home for dinner, making up some lame excuse.  We all knew he was in a deep depression that Obama had won the Presidency.  Christmas came - no show.  Easter came - no show.  And he stopped calling my parents (both in their 80's and not too long for the world) and stopped coming to any other family functions.  To say my parents are heart-broken is an understatement.  My kids have tried to engage him via email, to no avail.   I recently asked him and his family to our Labor Day weekend party to celebrate our son's graduation from college.  I got a brief email from the 'other side' stating that he was going to spend the day covering his pool, and that he would keep me in his prayers.

I didn't know whether to be angry or weep.  I wanted to do both.  I still feel that way.  He is lost - to everyone.  Rush Limbaugh has killed him.  Murder in the first degree.  Or perhaps a kidnapping charge should be added - that seemed to come before the actual demise.  The brother I knew and loved, the eldest child, the funny, kind, intelligent guy I adored is gone.  And I don't even have the consideration of a wake and funeral with which to mourn his passing. 

When will this end?  How many lives have been rined like this?  How many have suffered this epidemic of hate sweeping the nation?  How many more families will be torn apart?