How Much Does It Matter?

Mine never even got me the cheap bouquet!

It depends. Does he do other things for you? Maybe the flowers are not the issue. Does he just not ever get anything or do anything for you? How does he make you feel? I would do without the flowers and gifts if I knew he cared about me and loved me. If he made me feel that I was important to him and that he appreciated me, then the flowers would be no big deal!

It's a real trick, setting aside expectations society holds for what we truly feel. If it's important to YOU, I'd talk to him about it.

Some people bring flowers and things when they're really doing their partner wrong, trying to assauge their guilt. So sometimes it really doesn't mean anything good. And someone who isn't doing negative things on the sly, but doesn't bring flowers... well, sometimes there's more value in just being there and being honest and true than in the gestures.

But if YOU want them and miss them, there's nothing wrong with talking about that.

Maybe he is not a flower guy. Only when I had my affair, have I ever received flowers and I had to hide those.

You can make a big deal about it but what else does he do? Does he leave you little notes? Call you to say "I love you". Guess what I am trying to say is that maybe he does other things but buy flowers. Remember men have a hard time with flowers and many see them as a waste of money.

If you really, really, really want the flowers. Go buy them on your own and thank your husband for them. He'll either be happy you got them or he'll get the hint.

I don't think it's a right or wrong question. I think it is materialistic to feel hurt if he has satisfied you with giving love and affection freely. I think the real question then is whether or not he has satisfied your other needs.

I would like to believe that if you have been married for 30 years that he does something right to make you feel valued and loved. My husband bought me flowers whern we dated but that quit even before we married. I now get other "flowers".
When I am sick, he takes care of me. When I hurt he comforts me, when I am happy he shares my joys, He takes turns with me at taking days off when we have a sick child. He never hesitates to stop by the store on his way home-no matter what I ask him to pick up. sometimes it is that back rub or the playing with my hair when I dont ask for him to. Oh I would never trade what I get on a daily basis for flowers that will fade. I hope one day to say "I have been married for 30 years". In todays world of disposable marriages, yeah!

I don't know how much it matters! he may be so tender is so many ways that I do not know; so who am I to judge?
why don't you tell him about the way you feel!
love, light and flowers from Greece

It really depends. My husband will never buy me flowers, but that's because I've told him time and again that I don't approve of killing a flower so I can look at it! Would I like a potted plant? Sure! But he'd never remember or think of that because I've told him "I don't like flowers". I think honestly it only takes saying that ONCE for a man to permenantly lock it out of his brain as something nice you'd like, no matter how many time you try to tell them differently.

If it matters to you? Really really matters? Tell him.

That's a good question. Have you ever told him that it hurts you? Is it possible that since everyone else sends you flowers that he thinks that makes "flower sending" nothing special? Is there anything unique that he does for you - perhaps something even very small, but something no one else does? You certainly have a right to your feelings. I think it would be better to tell him how you feel. He may be very surprised that you are hurt by this.

is he a good guy? ask yourself this...

good guy & no flowers or...

asshole, & mountain of flowers?


if i knew him i'd say something like..."she's upset youre not buying her flowers...cough up some bling and send her some flowers at random times...brownie points...so simple..."

would you rather he pick some wildflowers and say "i love you" sincerely in person, or mechanically send you expensive flowers because he feels like he kinda has to do that, and say on the card "i love you"?

How you feel is how you feel, neither right nor wrong. How you feel is up to you. Evidently you like flowers. Grow some or buy some for yourself. Teach him to like flowers. Do it with flowers you like. If you had a rose at dinner time tonight would you put it in a vase on the dinner table? Would he notice if you did? Would it be "special" or ordinary if you had a bouquet on the dinner table tonight? Next week ask him to bring a bouquet for the table Friday night. Make it a tradition starting next Friday. People don't automatically change habits.

All very good, very thoughtful remarks. I know I do need to look at my priorities in this relationship, but there are many other factors clouding the issue of flowers/no flowers.

Thank you all for the bouquets of wisdom! So many great folks in Gather land!

It is the little things in life that matter the most. Guess the question is does he do other things besides the cheap boquet to show his love/affection/appreciation for you and how much you mean to his life??

My husband is far from being the romantic type and use to have the attitude of why should I buy expensive flowers like roses if they are just going to die in a few days anyways. I explained that it was the thought that counted, the fact you wanted (magical word) to do something nice for me for whatever reason. Some guys are just not flower kind of guys.

You should be honest with him as to your feelings as someone else had stated, but just remember he is not going to change unless he wants to change.

Different people have different "love languages," I learned from a lecture and a book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Some express love with gifts, others with service, others with words, etc. Misunderstandings arise when the spouses have different ways to express their love.

So many people here who do not receive flowers, and are able to accept that. Diana, you're right - it's the thought that counts, and the expression thereof may not be conventional, but still meaningful. Alison, I will have to look for that book.

Thank you again for your great comments.

Thanks, Cynthia. My feelings exactly.

There are so many other ways to show love then a vase of roses. My hubby gives this family everything but flowers. He knows I absolutely love flowers, because I move my flowers around the garden more then most people move their furniture. lol ..... And he is the one that moves them for me.

It doesn't matter if flowers came from the local grocery store it is what is the thought behind the purchase.
When flowers are brought for me I love them; as they start to die I sometimes think about the relationship and hope it never dies like these flowers have, it's a terrible feeling for me.

You say there are other things; well hopefully you are able to work through those other things.
The one thing that really bothers me is that my hubby doesn't really talk to me or take an interest in what I do. He believes that people that are in love don't really have to talk, just sitting by one another or watching some movie with each other or whatever says it all. As he looks over at me with a wink and says my love speaks for itself I am still here because I want to be here, I don't want to be any where else. Now that I am older I think I understand what he meant.

I hope that you can find a way to be closer to the one you have been with for so many years, for we know not what tomorrow holds.

Blessings