by Sophiya S.
Member since:
January 7, 2007

Benefits of being a loner

May 19, 2007 11:14 AM EDT
views: 4171 | comments: 70
I really enjoyed reading the article! Psychology Today is a great magazine. I used to have a free subscription to it, but it expired unfortunately. Very interested to read about myself, and why I act the way I do. Carl Jung actually came up with the terms introvert and extrovert, and the whole energy draining, energy gaining concept. Jung was an introvert himself. Balance is the key. I'm pretty shy though so I tend to shy away from social surroundings, parties, big gatherings and such. I like contact with people, but in small groups, not crowds. I love being alone, and having my own space. Just being able to soak in solitude and focus on creativity and introspection. I'm reading it, and I'm thinking, man, that's so like me. It's always comforting to read about people similar to you, because you know you are not alone. The norm, or what our society/media/whatever glorifies as the "norm" or what's common is to always be around an expanse of people, to just surround yourself with them, and it's usually frowned upon when one is a loner, and would much rather stay at home writing a poem or watching a film, rather than going to a club, being surrounded by strangers, and getting drunk. Not that I wouldn't mind doing that seldomly, but I definitely wouldn't make it routine, as some do. That's just my personality. I'm an introvert.  
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Comments: 70

Gretchen Lee Bourquin May 19, 2007, 11:17am EDT
I will have to make a point to read that article. It is important to find the right balance between "you" time and "people" time. That formula is different for everyone, and needs to be respected
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 11:26am EDT
Very true. Balance is essential. Extremes are bad.
☃ Aunt Shanny May 19, 2007, 11:29am EDT
I am not necessarily an introvert, but I certainly prefer my own company over that of others'.
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 11:35am EDT
Being introverted means simply that. You prefer your own company to that of others. It doesn't neccessarily mean you wnat to isolate yourself from others and be alone all the time. It is completely healthy to be introverted, it is just a matter of preference.
Carolyn G. May 19, 2007, 11:35am EDT
I am an extrovert who is also, because of circumstances, a loner. Try that for a balancing act.
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 11:37am EDT
Wonderful!
It's Not Me w. May 19, 2007, 11:42am EDT
I do enjoy my alone time! When I'm alone I feel so free!
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 11:46am EDT
Yeah. It's always important for everyone to set aside at least 5 minutes everyday to themselves, regardless of a busy schedule. You need to schedule time for yourself. To relax, organize your thoughts and emotions, be creative, meditate, have some tea, watch t.v, read, or whatever it is that you enjoy.
Paula C. May 19, 2007, 11:47am EDT
this was a good article. Thanks for sharing it.
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 11:49am EDT
Thanks Paula
Carol P. May 19, 2007, 12:13pm EDT
Love the article. I understand about needing your space. I demand it.
Charles D. May 19, 2007, 12:14pm EDT
Since you sent out an invite for a connection, I wanted to thank you. ANd I also enjoyed your article. I am an outgoing, fun loving person. But I also love my time spent alone. I try and keep the balance you know. Have you recently graduated college?
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 12:15pm EDT
Thats' great Carol
Carmen Y. May 19, 2007, 12:16pm EDT
Great article. When I was younger I was a much different person but after going through various things in life I found that I'm a bit of a loner (avoid parties/crowds, love staying home and reading/watching a movie or relaxing).
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 12:17pm EDT
Charles, that's what I do. I actually did just graduate two weeks ago from college, and I plan on going to grad school also =)
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 12:19pm EDT
Carmen, you bring up a very good point. Depending on circumstances in life, one can be an introvert or extrovert at times.
Nana to Seven Cutiepies May 19, 2007, 12:27pm EDT
Great article Sigriet. As I age I find that I prefer solitude. I find it peaceful and easy.
Kim J. May 19, 2007, 12:31pm EDT
Good article. I've always considered myself to be an "extroverted loner" so I fall somewhere inbetween.
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 12:39pm EDT
That's very interesting Mia
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 12:40pm EDT
Kim, it's great to be in between
Sigriet,
thanks for sharing that. Very interesting article.
I think it's the first time I've seen someoone say that it's okay to be an introvert and not a social butterfly.
I'm not sure where I fit, somewhere between the 2 extremes.
Jamie ~grant me the serenity..~ G. May 19, 2007, 2:00pm EDT
I am somewhat of a loner too. I prefer it that way.
Thomas Millington May 19, 2007, 2:39pm EDT
Sigriet: I didn't read the article you refer to but I certainly enjoyed your comments. I can identify with you 100%. I am currently living alone, and it is certainly not the ideal situation, but far better than what I had to put up with for the past year and a half. Just this week I lost my two dogs so I feel more alone then ever. Thank you for posting your comments.
Shane B. May 19, 2007, 3:34pm EDT
Enjoyable article Sigrief As for me, Introvert should include the words, "not by choice"
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 5:19pm EDT
That's great Faith
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 5:20pm EDT
Nice to hear that Jamie!
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 5:29pm EDT
Thomas, I know what you mean. Because I have also been in that type of situation. I'm also sorry about your dogs. Times get tough at times, but it's important to hang in there and be strong.
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 5:30pm EDT
Kathleen, there are so many of us out there!
Sophiya S. May 19, 2007, 5:34pm EDT
Ivy, you brought up very clever points. I do agree with you. There are negative connotations or pre-conceived notions about "loners". When the very word is brought up, they think of shooters, loneliness, and such. But this is really not the case and only occurs when introversion is taken to an extreme, and other psychological factors come in hand.
Bonnie S. May 19, 2007, 5:59pm EDT
I used to like being around a lot of people, now I would prefer to be alone with just hubby and I. We spend most of the time at home and really have no close friends and that is just the way we like it. I enjoyed your article : )
CyberGwen ! May 19, 2007, 6:08pm EDT
Wow, that article was so me. Being drained is exactly how I describe feeling to people and they tend to give me a blank stare. It is hard to explain it to non-loners.

It has gotten so bad that I am trying to do everything I can to work from home. For every 8-10 hours that I am at a job, I need at least that much recovery time. That doesn't include sleeping! I have only had a few jobs where I didn't work from home in the past couple of years. The only one's that I stayed at for any amount of time were the ones that I was completely alone while doing my job.

Thanks for sharing, you're right it is nice not to feel like the only one or crazy!
j - Frugal Mom - r. May 19, 2007, 7:14pm EDT
Me too!! I am often thought of as being a snob or stuck up, but I can tell you for sure that I am not. It is just that when I walk on the street, I walk in my own little bell jar, and it is as if I would rather that I do not meet anyone. Of course I will greet anyone I know, but the truth is that most of the time, I do not even see them.

I do not know how I did it, but I somehow got through college ín my own little bubble. The grades were excellent, but my social life was surely lacking.

It is so strange, because I seem to have split personalities in some ways, I seriously can be outgoing, and I was too in some aspects of my high school and college life, but then all of a sudden the shyness kicks in and I am in my little bubble again.

I met my husband in college (about six years ago), but he found me, and not the other way around, as I was in my bubble. Fortunately I had some outgoing roommates, and they got me socialized a bit. As soon as I moved off campus though, the socializing aspect became non existent.

I honestly think that I am an introvert with spontaneous outgoing moments. Let's put it this way, alcohol helped me a great deal in high school, but if I had not been drinking I think I would have turned out to be an outsider because of the shyness.

Well, I am just rambling now Sigriet...but I just wanted to let you know that I appreciated your article.
Debbie H. May 19, 2007, 7:40pm EDT
I have two sons that are just like you and they are doing quite well in life!!! They just don't like the "party" scene and hanging out in big crowds all the time!!! To me..they just have a lot of confidence in themselves and their goals in life...so different from their friends that always need attention and will do anything to get it!!!
Kay C. May 19, 2007, 8:14pm EDT
I was a loner growing up, and still treasure time alone. I hate crowds also!
Tracey W. May 19, 2007, 8:22pm EDT
wow, you really set things off with that article. I'd have to say I'm an introvert with definite extroverted tendencies. LOL Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed your article.
Janette O. May 19, 2007, 9:02pm EDT
Interesting article. I too am an introvert and prefer to be by myself most of the time. I do have a small circle of friends that are outgoing. They have helped me open up a little bit more. I'm glad it's o.k. to be an introvert.
Rex T. May 19, 2007, 9:04pm EDT
I'm no rock or island, like in the Paul Simon song, but I burn out very quickly around others. I operate independently in my job and have passed up a better paying job to keep from having to move into an office. I think some people see me as arrogant but I can't help that. I have a few friends that I see occasionally and don't socialize much. I consider me to be my best friend. The only time I feel lonely is when I think about my family members that have passed away. Good article, Sigriet.
Alicia Storey May 20, 2007, 1:35am EDT
I never get alone time being I have two kids and three step kids but if I did get it I would perfer it
Kathryn E. May 20, 2007, 9:55am EDT
I have not read that article, but my husband does usually get most of the PT issues, as he is a psychologist. Have you ever taken the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator Test?

I'm an ENFJ, an extraverted, feeling, intuitutive, judging. Meaning, I need and gain energy from being with people, I am very feeling and intuititve and I like to make quick decisions.

It is quite OK to be an introvert. I am actually someone who needs a LOT of quiet time, by myself.
Sophiya S. May 20, 2007, 10:23am EDT
I actually haven't taken the Meyers-Briggs test, but its something I've been wanting to do
Sophiya S. May 20, 2007, 10:24am EDT
Thanks everyone for your comments!
Barbara F. May 20, 2007, 2:54pm EDT
I like both..to be alone and then to be with people I enjoy being with..will go read the article now..thanks
Sophiya S. May 20, 2007, 4:49pm EDT
that's great
Sandra ~ D. May 20, 2007, 5:00pm EDT
Great article, Sigriet. I, too, am an introvert AND a loner. The Myers-Briggs interpretation of introversion is that I can only replenish my energies when alone. People drain me after a while. I don't have a lot of balance though. When I think I should be with others, I go shopping or to my neighbor's.

Thank you for the article and sharing of yourself.
Sophiya S. May 20, 2007, 5:08pm EDT
That's interesting, Sandra
ShouldHaveBeen JanisJoplin May 21, 2007, 1:51am EDT
introvert here also, LOL
Carol Lloyd May 21, 2007, 4:00am EDT
thanks for the post a 10
I'm an introvert, and when I do socialize, I somehow end up with a bunch of people around me. Still haven't figured that one out...
Some days it's like puppies following me around and I think, "Damn, people, I already HAVE kids!". :D
There is a GOOD book out by that title.

The secret is to know when too much is too much.
Sophiya S. May 21, 2007, 4:48pm EDT
Thanks
Marge H. May 21, 2007, 6:33pm EDT
Also introverted. Fortunately hubby is too. It would be really difficult for a homebody to be married to someone who wanted to party.

I guard my solitude zealously. I can't write without it.
Sophiya S. May 21, 2007, 6:47pm EDT
Your welcome
Sophiya S. May 21, 2007, 6:51pm EDT
Glad to hear that
Sophiya S. May 21, 2007, 7:37pm EDT
glad to hear there are so many others like me
Laurie White May 21, 2007, 8:09pm EDT
Sigriet, it's also a good thing that you don't feel you NEED to have others around you. I'd rather be alone and enjoy my time than to be with somenone because I was afraid of being alone. THere's nothing wrong with being an introvert and enjoying your time to yourself!
Sophiya S. May 21, 2007, 8:23pm EDT
I agree
Crystal Scordias May 21, 2007, 8:31pm EDT
I'm rather introverted myself. My husband, on the other hand, is an extrovert, and will invite people over WHENEVER POSSIBLE. Very annoying right now, as I cannot even go to my room to escape. I love psychology, self-realization is something all people should look into at one time or another.
Sophiya S. May 21, 2007, 8:44pm EDT
Very interesting Crystal
Jean E. May 22, 2007, 11:26am EDT
Have you noticed that most writers are introverts? great posting Sigriet. And its a good thing we enjoy our own company, isn't it? If not, it sure would be hard to get away from ourselves. Kudos ~j
Trish A. May 22, 2007, 11:35am EDT
I'm an introvert and an extrovert! There are times I need to get out with the right people. I have to be careful though because I'm very open to the energy of others and if I'm not careful I can give away my limited energy. So, before I go out I remind myself to not give all my energy away. I'm also very careful not to associate with people who carry great amounts of destructive energy. If I feel it I will quietly move away from them.

After time around other people I have to be by myself.

I hope this helps.
Jean E. May 22, 2007, 4:39pm EDT
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

btw- this is an on-line abbreviated Myers Briggs test link - If you are interested Sigriet...
Sophiya S. May 22, 2007, 4:41pm EDT
Jean, that is very true! I have noticed that. That explains our introspective personalities and our need to be alone and describe human experience through our words.
Sophiya S. May 22, 2007, 4:44pm EDT
I feel this way also at times, Trish
Sophiya S. May 22, 2007, 4:46pm EDT
Thanks Jean. I will take the online test.
Clifford H Colpitts Jr May 24, 2007, 2:38pm EDT
Beling a loner is sometimes not to bad: consider the star we call the sun. She, in a way is a loner. Look how far she is from her sisters. For instance, aren't you and Jean J. related?
Sophiya S. May 24, 2007, 3:52pm EDT
That's so lovely and true. In a way we are all connected. Jean J. is such a lovely girl, Maybe we know each other from another lifetime, or she is a long lost sister of mine.
Miss H. Jun 14, 2007, 8:07pm EDT
Hello there your article was good.

I am the type of person who is really nervous if I am in a public place like for example if I am walking in the street, going shopping, being stared at by strangers...

But when I am with one or two people I am really jokey and funny and have a laugh...


I think if your a loner its more difficult to interact in a croud, its probably easier if two people are a team in a crowed.

I would rather be a loner and have freedom, that have a friend who calls me 24 seven and expects me to always go to their house even though they live far away!!!!
I had a friend liek that which Im glad to get rid of lol
Sophiya S. Jun 15, 2007, 8:53pm EDT
i feel like that too at times
Parker S. Dec 30, 2008, 4:15pm EST
Thanks for sharing

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