Nothing is so impenetrable as laughter in a language you don't understand.
- William G. Golding, novelist (1911-1993)
Setting aside the mystery of the language of laughter and my natural aversion to absolutes (nothing is so...), when you are part of a group that begins to laugh based on something one member of the group has said in a language you don't understand, your reaction can be quite negative. Even those who pretend to not care have difficulty hiding their hurt feelings.
Many of us assume that the speaker made a comment that would reflect badly on us, the outsider. While this would not be a likely event, we see enough of such situations on television to believe that it could be possible.
People who speak a different language than us likely also belong to a different culture. Even if we knew what the speaker had said, it might not be funny to us because humour varies greatly by culture.
When we are among people who speak a different language than us, as their first language, we understand that we will comprehend very little. However, when those people laugh at something hilarious that one of them has said, that laughter alienates us to a much greater extent than not understanding the language itself.
The psychology of that is debatable, but my take would be that at a time we most need to feel the embrace and acceptance of a group with whom we cannot communicate with words, having them enjoy themselves through laughter while we are excluded drives a spike into our emotions because we feel more different than ever.
The lesson is to include everyone who is part of a group, no matter what their difference with us because excluding them from something could be hurtful.
Bill Allin
'Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems,' striving to encourage acceptance of those with differences to make everyone more emotionally comfortable. Learn more at http://billallin.com
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Comments: 12
Personally I don't feel weird about it either but I was born and raised in Hawaii and was used to different languages being spoken around me that I might not exactly understand. But I notice here on the mainland it's more of an issue and it does alienate people because people get scared of things they don't understand and when they don't understand what is being said, they tend to assume the worst.
Marsha, I think you made a good point. The more familiar we are with people speaking different languages around us, the less frightening it is when we find ourselves in unfamiliar circumstances with people speaking a language we don't understand. When 100% of the people you know speak English, then you go somewhere that people speak a different language, it will make you uncomfortable (except for Daniel).
My articles are always oriented to sociology. Sociology, of necessaity, deals with generalizations. These refer to large numbers of people, usually a majority of people (or situations). However, there are always exceptions to every generalization. When people cling to exceptions they are familiar with as if they are more significant than the truth that applies to the greater portion of the population, then there is disagreement.
Your explanation, by the way, shows you not to be crazy, but to be sensitive and understanding of people who feel comfortable speaking (and laughing) in a language you don't understand. However, I believe you proved the point of the article when you said "other people's actions make me feel unconfortable." That is a symptom of the alienation I intended.
Debra, a week ago I stopped at a Costco store in Montreal--a very French part of Montreal--where everyone spoke French, exclusively. I was uncomfortable. It was a bit annoying knowing that many of them could have spoken English around me if they had deigned to do so. The Quebeqois have adopted the better-then-you attitude that so turns people off in Paris, as their politicians tell them that they are better than the Anglos and that Quebec should separate from Canada.
If pressed by someone who can't speak French, someone in a Quebec crowd can always speak English, even a majority in some cases. Don't be afraid of them.
Joe, I understand. I am not certain how to handle that situation. The wise cracker is, in effect, a kind of bully. Saying anything against a bully can be risky.
For what it's worth, I haven't heard of a single bully who was a happy person. They are all insecure, lonely (despite their apparent confidence outwardly) and fear what will happen when their world gets worse. And it always does.
I don't see anything rude, either in the article, the comments or your examples. It's just human nature. See my Gather article published on Wednesday for more on human nature.
I don't fault the Quebecois for their behaviour in anything. To do so would be to stand outside of a culture and criticize that of which we are not a part.
~
Beany, no matter what we may say, if we say it well enough and loud enough, some people will admire us and some will hate us for it.