Are All Human Beings "the same?"

Grief, like joy-- is something we all share, something we can all relate to as human beings, even if grief or joy takes shape differently in each individual. Though we may not have had a close relative die, perhaps we've seen people suffering, seemingly, endlessly with a chronic disease. At times it seems this might even be worse than experiencing the death of someone close to you.

As a teenager, we may not be familiar with what it is like to be bullied, but we've all been rejected from a peer group at one time or another, and know what it feels like to be on the outside, looking in. For every success story a kid has, he probably has several more ending in failure.

I've been thinking about the various ways we experience life together, through the prism of individuality.

It might seem difficult to understand, but I believe many of these things we all experience, are the very things we end up seeing as individualized, splintering, and divisive convictions in our lives, and here's an example: two different mothers, of two different soldiers serving in Iraq, each receive official written notice of their son being killed in Iraq, in exactly the same manner-- an IED as they traveled down the road in a Hummer.

One reaction might be to become an anti-war activist as a result, or another might be the decision to speak out for her soldier son, his life and his choices, and appear to be supporting the war effort, while another reaction might be to close off emotionally, severing ties to the outside world and reverting to a hermit like existence.

If the reaction of the two mothers in question coincide, there is no conflict. But what if they react differently, antithetically to each other's perceptions of what has occurred? I think it is rather easy to see such a scenario might create circumstances naturally lending themselves to judgementalism, even the aggressive pursuit of negative, destructive behavior.

Our environment is one of the largest factors, in my opinion, shaping our attitudes and convictions, and determines how we will react to nearly any situation. If our environment as a child is mostly calm, though full of debate, encouraging reading, writing, and analytical thought, it is quite likely we will be well read, able to digest what is being read, able to write and debate what has been read, without undue emotional upheaval in our daily lives.

If however as a child we witness our parents watching TV, yelling at the TV and each other without reason, it is quite likely you won't read much as an adult, be unable to vocalize your own motivations and ideas, and become easily frustrated with anyone that "just doesn't get it." This in turn will create frustration, anger, and meaningless arguments.

But our environment rarely teaches us about those things we all seem to believe make us the "same."

Does the fact that your husband beats you, make you the same as me? No, that's not my experience with grief.

Does the fact that you beat your wife because she catches you in a lie about drugs/gambling/another woman make you the same as me? No, that's not my experience with grief.

Does the fact that I have been a liar, a thief and an adulterer make you the same as me? Only if you too are a liar, a thief, or an adulterer.

But I think we can all agree, if your husband beats you, you are experiencing grief, if you are a thief stealing from your employer, you are experiencing grief, and quite probably are in for more in the near future.

Yes we all experience grief, but we experience it individually, within the prism of our individual perception, and grief is splintered through the infinite complexities of each individual.