You know, John, this brings to mind some 'little' stunts I used to pull in high school, a kind of reversal of what this thought-byte is about. I always hated it when those kids who couldn't protect themselves would get picked on mentally and emotionally, so I would start rumors about myself. I guess I was pretty good at it, as it always turned the focus off of them on to me. It was funny when they'd bring the rumor back to me only to find that I was the one who began it in the first place. I think they never quite knew what to do.....or believe.....about me.
"I always hated it when those kids who couldn't protect themselves would get picked on mentally and emotionally, so I would start rumors about myself."
Tanya that's an amazingly clever and nice tactic. Also a good way to learn not to pay much attention to what others say.
I'll bet the rumor had grown by the time it got back to you.
I am an introspective person. I try to apply your excellent messages to me. To apply them to others save the work and pain that could come if we work on ourselves. For a long time I would seek out people who reinforced my guilt about my life.
Well before I point out someones weaknesses to them I always like to tell them first that they are defensive and then they are helpless against my onslaught - unable to fight back without appearing defensive. Then I can truly feel superior. Of course I would never behave that way but I have a list of people who do if you want to talk about them.
Aah, diversion in the tactical sense not entertainment sense. D'accord.
But in the end is anyone really paying attention to the inadequacies or are you merely wasting time worrying about it? When you could be improving yourself, a more useful way to allocate the time, IMO.
David said something that reminds me of what my priest told me by way of consolation..."Jennifer, you can't live in the biggest house on the highest hill and not be talked about...It's human nature..."
Someone ahead of me said this one packs a punch, and I have to agree. You point this out and yet you do it in such an inoffensive way, where people are willing to admit it. Now that takes genius.
I so agree! That's what I realized after years of being teased. You sum it up so nicely. Many of the people I knew back in high school carried their insecurity like a blanket around them, using it as a shield. And, battering others with their stupidity. It took me years and a lot of pain to figure out, they were putting their self loathing onto me. That they were seeking attention in a negative way. I am so glad you posted this one. It makes my heart sing.
It actually took my sister Melissa to figure that one out. She always picked at me. Hit, pinched or kicked me when I did nothing to warrant such actions. She's the one who taught me that the negative reactions were warranting action from me. She told me years later that she had just been wanting me to pay attention to her. That she had thing she had been hiding that were a big source of her pain.
Suey, that gossips are depicted as women is true. Probably historical from the 16th century when the term was applied solely to women.
There aren't many studies I could find about this with a quick Google. One showed"
"1,000 cell phone users about how they use their cell phones for gossip and how gossip affects their lives. Many male participants initially denied they gossip, according to the study, while nearly all of the females readily admitted to it. But come closer and listen to this: The study found 33 percent of men indulge in gossip every day or almost every day, compared with 26 percent of women."
And my favorite finding was: "Men gossip about work, politics or other highbrow topics less than 5 percent of the time, unless women are present. Then the proportion of male conversation devoted to sounding impressive increases to 15 or 20 percent."
As men and women tend to "gossip" about different topics, it's hard to say who gossips more because that depends upon your definition of gossip.
It does appear to be a close race and certainly women are depicted in the act of gossip much more than is deserved.
Of course, the message in the Byte is somewhat deeper than that.
Truthfully, growing up many of my best friends were guys. I was just never fond of the back biting I saw going on with my friends who were girls. It was easier to confide in guys.
There are none so dangerous or insecure as those who are unsure they are better than someone so they can feel superior to someone. And, those people have to attract "friends" to assure them that they are correct in their "put-down" of others so they do not forfeit the chance to be admired or feard or both.
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Thank you for sheering
God Bless You
OK, Wanda, now I don't want to see you talking over the fence anymore. :)
Tanya that's an amazingly clever and nice tactic. Also a good way to learn not to pay much attention to what others say.
I'll bet the rumor had grown by the time it got back to you.
Karen, that's another aspect of this Byte.
Thanks.
Ah, Doc, would that more people could.
It's never anywhere near as frightening to look inside as we think. Just the opposite.
Well, Dan. Time to wipe that grin off your face.
Excellent point, Pat.
Another layer to this Byte.
It's the great American pastime, Bert (And the great Jewish pastime, and the great Italian pastime, and the great Greek pastime ....)
Yet another level to this Byte, Larry.
Excellent point and thanks.
You have a great day as well, sir or madam.
Of course I would never behave that way but I have a list of people who do if you want to talk about them.
I know a few of those people myself.
And isn't that person you really are quite impressive and likable?
Thanks.
But in the end is anyone really paying attention to the inadequacies or are you merely wasting time worrying about it? When you could be improving yourself, a more useful way to allocate the time, IMO.
Worry is a great denial technique.
"you still have to face yourself in the mirror"
Ah, but do you see?
That's their business. I've got enough just trying to stay on top of my business.
(Back to unpacking)
Thanks.
Thank you.
(adding the drawings helped a lot.)
Many of the people I knew back in high school carried their insecurity like a blanket around them, using it as a shield. And, battering others with their stupidity.
It took me years and a lot of pain to figure out, they were putting their self loathing onto me. That they were seeking attention in a negative way.
I am so glad you posted this one.
It makes my heart sing.
Is this a case of your inferiorities make my inferiorities seem inferior?
They're doing it to make themselves feel better. Glad you figured that out, Angela.
It also diverts my attention from the weaknesses in myself.
She's the one who taught me that the negative reactions were warranting action from me.
She told me years later that she had just been wanting me to pay attention to her.
That she had thing she had been hiding that were a big source of her pain.
Sorry you had to go through it, and that's how we learn.
There aren't many studies I could find about this with a quick Google. One showed"
"1,000 cell phone users about how they use their cell phones for gossip and how gossip affects their lives. Many male participants initially denied they gossip, according to the study, while nearly all of the females readily admitted to it. But come closer and listen to this: The study found 33 percent of men indulge in gossip every day or almost every day, compared with 26 percent of women."
And my favorite finding was: "Men gossip about work, politics or other highbrow topics less than 5 percent of the time, unless women are present. Then the proportion of male conversation devoted to sounding impressive increases to 15 or 20 percent."
As men and women tend to "gossip" about different topics, it's hard to say who gossips more because that depends upon your definition of gossip.
It does appear to be a close race and certainly women are depicted in the act of gossip much more than is deserved.
Of course, the message in the Byte is somewhat deeper than that.
Truthfully, growing up many of my best friends were guys. I was just never fond of the back biting I saw going on with my friends who were girls. It was easier to confide in guys.
Another sign of insecurity?
And no, I don't, but was just thinking about someone I knew once.
A sophisticated form of denial.
The irony is, what they dislike about themselves is probably not true.
You may be in the clear.