This is one of those days when I wish I had some small iota of musical talent. I would find a suitable slow, gut wrenching bluesy piece and just pour all this stagnant emotion out into the world. Unfortunately, I am destined to always be a listener and so that outlet is not open to one such as myself.
Perhaps it is the approaching season with its excess of baggage that always seems heavier at this time of year. Perhaps it is just that there have been too many rainy days in a row and despite the fact that the sun has come out for a day or two, I don't quite trust that it will stay. Most likely it is the ongoing, as yet undiagnosed health problems that I am watching my sweetheart struggle through. Whatever the cause, I've gotten myself a whopping case of the blues.
Truth is, it's been a really hard day for Deb. Yet another doctor has washed his hands of her case and is referring her elsewhere. The pain has been much worse the last week or so and this news today just felt like a crushing blow. After all these months one would think the doctors could come up with something but instead they seem to be just giving up. It's all so very frustrating.
I've developed a habit over the years when someone is talking about the troubles of their lives I always ask them at the end of the conversation "Now, tell me something good". It seems only fair that I impose that on myself.
We are blessed to live in beautiful part of the country. Tonight, we are warm in our home while there are so many others who do not have that luxury. We are graced with the loving kindness of family and friends who fill our world with light when it seems to get a little dark.
I know that, just like a heavy rain cloud blocking the sun, this mood will pass. Sometimes though, I do need to remind myself of that fact.
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Comments: 33
and that the new doc will be the one you need
flit - yes, sooner is good. And maybe it is all for the best that she is going to be treated exclusively at a teaching hospital - the doctors there seem more motivated to figure this out.
Verie - thank you my friend. Often times it is the support that makes all the difference. And who knows, maybe there is a reason for all of this that we are yet to discover.
Faith - yes, holidays can be a little tough - I sure won't pass up on what is being sent our way - thanks.
per rain...i live at the home base of rain!...LOL...when it gets to me, i just remind myself that it keeps all green here in the "Evergreen" state of WA
Have a cool yule!.....cheers,gayle
I feel so much for the both of you. It is indeed traumatic to watch a loved one suffer. The weather and the season surely add to your mood, and I know you're forcing yourself to count your blessings.
But sometimes, a good wallow is really therapeutic. Cry, wail, feel sorry for yourself and Deb, pound a pillow to smithereens. Then shake it off, take a bubble bath and have some egg nog with those cookies. (I hope they're chocolate. That helps, too.)
You're both in my prayers, as always.
Kate - I really understand how our thoughts create our reality - that is a valuable lesson that you've shared - and yes, I am hoping the cookies will be the cure-all that is needed tonight :-)
G - we haven't gone the naturopath route yet but it is an excellent suggestion. Thanks for the well wishes.
The cookies should help to improve the evening and you can always go out and beat your frustrations out on some more dough! Take care. Sending healing thoughts your way!
Marianne - love does make us want to spare our loved ones of their pains, doesn't it? Debbie has actually never been out of pain but it did become more tolerable for awhile. Now it is flaring up again...oh, an answer would be so very welcome.
Mariana - thank you my friend. My blues are evaporating. Sometimes just acknowledging them helps.
I empathize with your mood - I listen to Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" when I start sliding down the hill to depression - and indulge in books, meditation, and hot baths. Best of luck and a great big hug to both of you!
Rosa, smiling at your comment, but I love it when Tonia sings. There isn't a more joyful sound to my ears. :)
Liz - unfortunately we need to stay in Arkansas due to the limitations of Deb's insurance but thank you once again for your kind offer.
Lynn - it is a comfort to know that so many prayers are being offered on our behalf. Thank you my friend.
Vicky - the cookies really seemed to help :-)
Katrina - actually, we don't yet know what it is. Lyme disease has been ruled out - an interesting fact we learned that it is not in Arkansas. Certainly the ticks are here as well as the deer but some link in the chain is absent and so the disease is not in this state. And Louis Armstrong's "It's a Wonderful World" is pretty much my theme song :-)
Rosa - it's funny that you mention singing - I truly can't carry a tune but despite that I sing Deb silly made-up songs all the time - it makes us both smile.
In the musical world, it has been my experience that those with a passionate love of music but an admitted lack of musical talent/expression make wonderful conductors. I think there is a new career waiting for you.