two (2) count 'em TWO parrot jokes

DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. ?Finally the repairman vcouldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!? 
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Laura Bush bought Dubya a parrot, for his birthday.  She told Dick Cheney, "This bird is so smart!  George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," Cheney said.  "But, you must realize that he just says the words.  He doesn't understand what they mean."

"That's okay," Laura replied.  "Neither does the parrot."