Where Shall We Spend the Holidays?

Well, we always spent them at home and still do. Most people who show up have had enough of the whole holiday cooking and baking things and I love them, so it works out great for us. I think we're lucky though....How about you?

My family has no issues anymore. It's only one big one . Since my mother died in 1999 no one comes any more for christmas and holidays,and since then, no one spends the holidays together and I have a large family, but seems no one has money for holiday foods and all that so they don't bother to get together which seems my mother is the only one that helped us stay all together. SinceI have no car I am stuck at home,so I don't get to go too much. The only thig I want is to spend my holidays with my sweetheart and that looks bleak again this year too because he is waiting to get here and who knows when. Fours years without him now and they promising to get them to Canada is a long process and looks like I am going to have to try to get the $3500.00 myself and get him here if I ever want to see him at all. Holidays are just terrible for me with no one around any more so I spend them alone doing what I do every day for the past three years. And being my Birthday on that day My sweetheart never forgets and calls me and sings to me over the phone. My own children even forget sometimes,but he has done that for the past three years now and I also do that for him in February when his birthday rolls around. As for my family there seems to be no solutions and they all do their own thing for the holidays. But as long as I have him ,it doesn't really matter to me any more because they don't know what compromising is. Oh well hope this year is happy for them all and I will be happy as long as I can talk to him on the holidays and my only dream is to be with him this year ,but I know it is impossible,so I will take his voice over the phone as a blessing. I think so many families these days don't care any more and that's very sad thanks for sharing this

Since my husband's family is spread out from Arizona to Arkansas, it is hard for us all to get together. Years ago we created "Thanksmas" a holiday around Thansgiving weekend that also combines Christmas...this year we are all bound for Branson, Missouri where the inlaws have a time share they have reserved for the whole family! It works for us and best of all...it leaves Christmas for each family to celebrate closer to home.....

My husband and I have agreed (and have explained to each side) to celebrate holidays with each family by alternating each year. So, Thankgiving with his family, Xmas w/ mine this year, and vice-versa the next, etc. I think this would work with kids split between mom and dad, but I think it would be important to make sure everyone understands that you're taking turns (including most importantly the kids). I know this worked for my cousin right after she split from her husband.

Knowing where you'll be the entire year really takes pressure off when the particular holiday comes along. Of course, there's always the OTHER stress that being with family brings! So, for that I usually use vodka. :)

We do what Amy P. does - T'giving and Christmas are split each year, and swapped the next. The only trouble is the other holidays - we don't have a system worked out for them, and my mother has somehow gotten the idea that we DO, so she keeps thinking that "this year is MY year for _____" when it's no such thing - we just get up there when we have a chance, which may or may not be connected with a holiday. She's really jealous of her time with us because she *thinks* that just because DH's parents only live 20 minutes away, we must see them all the time - but we don't!

Last year I swear we almost got a divorce over this issue.

When we started having kids I told my husband we would be spending every X-mas at home, here, in our own house. I told my family we could visit them sometime after x-mas before New Year's so they could see us in the season, and told them they were always welcome to come up. This means that I spend every Christmas and Christmas eve with HIS family, since they live nearby.

I thought we could alternate Thanksgiving, having it here one year and with my parents the next year... Last year I was 8 months pregnant and thought we'd go to NY to see my family, but when my husband found out he got so upset! He wanted to have it here, in our home, for the second year in a row. Going to NY is a bit of a pain, it takes time, and his immediate family is just him and his mother... and his mother doesn't "fit" really well with my family. (my family drinks and sings and acts crazy, his mother thinks wine is for church ONLY.)

This year we are having it here, but my family won't be coming up, because my dad has to work. Which means I won't be with my family for any of the holidays, and that makes me sad. Add to that the fact that I will be with my husband's family, who we see all the time, and who don't drink at all, or really have fun... they have a turkey dinner for every single get together they ever have and they don't use any spices AT ALL... But such is life - I'll be with my kids andmy husband, and we'll see what happens next year.

After spending most of Thanksgiving and Christmas last year in the car driving between Boston and Albany, we resolved that this year could not be a repeat of that experience (and that it was stupid to do it that way, because we ended up stuck in the car in holiday traffic and not actually spending quality time with any of the families.)

So, we decided that the family in Albany gets one of the holidays, and the families in MA get the other, alternating holidays each year. MA gets Thanksgiving this year, and NY gets Christmas (although we will probably spend the Saturday before Christmas doing a mini celebration in MA). Easter, though we're not religious, I lay claim to and invite everyone to celebrate in MA with me as an excuse to get the NY family out here once a year.

I feel so fortunate to have both families close by. After reading what some of you go through, I am trying to count my blessings. STILL it's difficult even with them close. My inlaws are snowbirding people who can't wait to get out of town as soon as Christmas is over. Last year, they tried to leave BEFORE Christmas. It just makes it difficult. I don't feel Christmasy until Christmas. I do quite a bit of shopping, planning etc before hand, so that come Christmas week, I can just play.

Well having Christmas the week before Christmas just gets me out of kilter.

Last year, we tried to stay home with our kids for Christmas. That didn't work well either.

You know what? Now that you wrote this, I'm going to figure it out ahead of time.

I think I'll just announce that "this is when we're available" and see what happens.

I doubt that will work. My mother has a way of making me think that what she wants is really what I want.

(Off to check out a codependant no more gather group)
Nic

I wish you could spend the holidays with us Mary. I'm sorry that you'll be alone.

I'm glad to see that at least a few families have devised happy solutions. But I think that a lot of families have disagreements like Kathleen described. I love Susan's idea of Thanksmas.

We have holiday meals at our house. We usually have Thanksgiving dinner and Xmas dinner at least twice to accommodate everyone. Thanksgiving Book 2 is on the Sunday after Thanksgiving and the second Xmas is during the week between Xmas and New Years.

We have Christmas with my family at our house on Christmas Day. This works out well for us. The kids have time to unwrap gifts and not be rushed out the door. We have Christmas with my husband's family sometime in December. His mother usually works with everyone to find an evening that everyone can attend. We stay at home on Christmas eve. We set the table with our Christmas dishes, and each of us enjoys our favorite take out food
by candlelight. The kids love this tradition.

Hey Nicole. You were publishing at the same time I was. I think the holidays are a little less stressful if you make these plans in advance. They'll probably never be stress free because you can't please everyone. But it helps to know what to expect.

It's great that your mother in law is willing to work with everyone Stephanie. That eliminates a lot of stress and allows everyone another family day to enjoy.

Growing up was a bit stressful for me. I had to decide if I wanted to spend it with my mom or my dad's family. They weren't divorced but due to extended family relations which had taken a turn for disaster when I was about 8, my parents each spent the holidays with their own families. Generally I was closer to my mother's side of the family but I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings by going with her all the time so I sort of took turns.

As an adult, it's not been a problem.

Well, I don't have any of those problems.............there is just the two of us (my son and I) in Hawaii and the rest of our families are on the mainland..........One year, my parents and one brother and his wife came to spend the holidays with us. Another year we went to my sister's in Miami for the holidays.........but that has been just twice in the 12 Christmas since I move here!!!

I love living here, but I would give anything to be able to spend Christmas with family every year!

I love having both sides of our family nearby, but it still is hard on holidays. Since my parents and in-laws live in neighborhoods next to each other we can't not go to one of them. For Christmas we usually wake up at our house, do presents, relax and have breakfast together and then we do a late lunch at my parents house and then we always do spaghetti at my in-laws on Christmas night.

Granted on Thanksgiving we do the same - both houses - but it's a LOT more eating. I usually eat at my parents' house and have dessert at my in-laws and then my husband has appetizers and eats lightly at my parents' house and then eats a big meal at his parents' house.

Anyway, it's a little stressful and a lot of running around, but I have no idea how long they are going to be around during our lifetime and I want to enjoy every minute that they are still here and if it means a little running around on holidays, that's fine. I want my daughter to have these memories forever of her grandparents.

My son is grown up and Matt's children are grown up, they don't celebrate the holidays , Matt comes to my place for christmas, his kids go else where they are jewish.

I try to spend the holiday at home alone. I give my cat a gift and he and I cuddle on the couch. Other than that, anything else is very difficult and frustrating. My family hasn't even discussed it, but I know, my older brother will spend them with his in-laws, my older sister will do the same. My younger brothers will both be working all day (at least most of it). Between now and then, I might get invited somewhere, but not sure I will want to spend time with any other family...

Thanks for sharing all the personal stories. I hope that everyone is able to enjoy the holidays in whatever way is best for you

Time resolved these issues for me. After the deaths of my parents and in-laws, we made our own holiday traditions. Before then, we showed up whenever we were summoned on a holiday.