by Linda R.
Member since:
August 14, 2006

Visitors and Kids

September 13, 2006 08:20 PM EDT
views: 35 | comments: 19
A friend with two or three young childen comes to visit. You enjoy the conversation and the company, but you' re starting to get uncomfortable because the kids are not being supervised (making a mess/touching your stuff etc).  What, if anything do you say or do?
link to this page
Bookmark this post:
Facebook
Twitter
Delicious
Buzz
More

Comments: 19

Julie L. Sep 13, 2006, 8:32pm EDT
I am pretty blunt when it comes to things like that. I will tell someone "look your kids are messing with stuff that isn't theirs. Make them stop" but that is just me. Or I will tell the kids that they need to leave stuff alone that doesn't belong to them.
Cheri C. Sep 13, 2006, 8:33pm EDT
You need to say something to her in a polite way. Tell her to ask if she would tell her children to clean their mess up. If that doesn't work you may have to hurt her feelings although I know you don't want to.
Viemiki B. Sep 13, 2006, 8:35pm EDT
if she/he doesn't respond to your uncomfortable vibe, tell them something about it. you know how to handle your friend. most people give the speech in the car but some people really don't think it's necessary especially if they really know you.
Cindi P. Sep 13, 2006, 8:39pm EDT
I would say something to the kids directly, but if it's that big of a deal why not get togther at HER house. The kids have their own stuff,and they won't be tempted by the forbidden things!
Marsha B. Sep 13, 2006, 8:59pm EDT
I usually will say something to the children directly. But then my friends know how I feel about children not being supervised so I've never had that problem.

Besides, lately I don't often have people over to my house who aren't my kids and grandkids or who have very young children.
Robin B. Sep 13, 2006, 9:04pm EDT
There is a tactful way to approach the friends so they don't get upset. The kids are their responsibility, so they need to know when they are being unruly or messing with things that they shouldn't. Like Marsha B., I usually ask the kids nicely to not mess with my things.......and try to redirect them with something interesting. If that doesn't work.......then yes, talk to the parents. They should understand.
Sandra L. Sep 13, 2006, 9:12pm EDT
I agree with Robin. If it is a friend who will take offense at my talking to her children about their behavior, I would offer them something to do that isn't destructive.
Janet H. Sep 13, 2006, 10:12pm EDT
I find it easiest to keep some kid friendly things at my house like coloring paper and coloring books, crayons, stickers, blocks, small toys, etc. Maybe some old magazines, scissors, glue, and paper. When the kids arrive, sit them at the table or in an appropriate spot and give them some of these things to play with. Shut doors to bedrooms, den or sewing room, etc. and say those rooms are off limits. Keep an eye on the kids as you visit and if they leave the area where you put the things for them to do, ask them to return to that area. You could put a video in for the visiting kids or put on a kids TV show too. I keep a special toy box of toys here for visiting kids.
Linda R. Sep 13, 2006, 10:29pm EDT
I have had this happen many times over the years. I usually bit my tongue and hoped they didn't destroy anything.

These days the only children who visit are my grandkids - so I can say "hey you quit that", provide an activity or assign a chore. Fortunately they're pretty good kids.
William M. Sep 13, 2006, 10:58pm EDT
you should know the people to know how to handle it. Would if upset the parents more if you spoke to them or the kids?
John B. Sep 13, 2006, 11:31pm EDT
I usually say something, unless they were my grandkids, they can get-away with quite a bit before I gather them up.
Cassandra M. Sep 13, 2006, 11:58pm EDT
I say something like "Why don't we all go outside, it's such a beautiful day and the kids can run around in the yard"
Laura B. Sep 14, 2006, 5:25am EDT
I usually don't have a problem when little ones come over to play. My youngest nieces and nephew are often over to visit and I prepare before they come. Even if someone comes over unannouced since I have pets my breakables are out of reach. I would rather enjoy the company of my friend and her children than worry about them getting into everything.
Carol Roach Sep 14, 2006, 5:30am EDT
I used to lay down the rules as soon as the kids came, for example I would say " My Bedroom is off limits, if you want to play play in Steven's room and if you pull out any of his toys you are responsible to help him put them back before you leave.
Kathleen G. Sep 14, 2006, 8:42am EDT
I would tell the kids straight out. "Hey, guys! You know what? Those are really not things for you to play with. Here why don't you play with THIS (hand kids a safe substitute.)"
It might clue the mom in, too, that her kids were acting in a way that isn't OK with you in your home.
Linda R. Sep 14, 2006, 8:48am EDT
Some moms just don't take the hint Kathleen. Maybe they're a little thick headed or probably just pretending to be.
Tab B. Sep 14, 2006, 10:11am EDT
Since I have kids of my own, they usually help make the mess....
I normally speak to the children directly and kindly. "Please don't mess with that, Johnny." When it comes to cleaning up a mess of toys, I will tell my children to clean up and MOST of the time, the friend will tell their children to clean up too.
Jiya S. Sep 14, 2006, 11:39am EDT
I've had this happen several times. Usually I have some things on hand for the kids to play with, or I take them into our playroom and show them a few things, or if all else fails we go down to our basement where they can pound on the piano all they want or play ping pong. Unsupervised kids running wild is a big pet peeve of mine (and I don't let my little guy run wild when we go out). Busy kids are usually happy kids, too.
Linda R. Sep 14, 2006, 11:47am EDT
Unfortunately some people get busy visiting and "forget" to supervise. Many of these are not necessarily bad people. Because they have small children, their own homes are often "child proof". They don't realize that people who don't have young kids don't always keep their valuables, breakables, medications etc. out of reach.

Join the Conversation
Chime in! Become a Gather member to comment.
Already a member? Sign in
top
 
Gather | Friends | Groups | Share
About Gather | Engagement Marketing | Make New Friends | Gather Points | Advertise on Gather | Gather Press | Privacy | Terms of Service | Community Guidelines
Books | Celebs | Entertainment | Family | Food | Health | Moms | Money | News | Politics | Spirituality | Sports | Travel | Writing
Version 16961, "Pacino"; Copyright © 2009 Gather Inc. All rights reserved.