by ~*~Nina~*~ R.

Member since:
December 24, 2007

Me

October 07, 2008 07:23 PM EDT (Updated: October 08, 2008 03:46 PM EDT)

views: 63 | comments: 34

So much locked up inside.
I have no words.
I am invisible.
Fear paralyzes me, at times from dusk to dawn.

I feel intruded upon and lonely at the same time.
I fear the things I love and love the things I fear.

Noise and sound penetrate me.
I don't understand.
I want to run away from it.

Colors too brilliant. They hurt my mind.
I must get away.

I like my room. I pull the curtains. It is dark.
I am safe.

Tags: fear, confusion, contradictions, sadness, sad, pain, agoraphopia, points, gather fever, stories, gather, gather addiction, black, surroundings, mental, depression

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Comments: 34

Marge H. Oct 7, 2008, 7:26pm EDT

Painful but well written.

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Elaine S. Oct 7, 2008, 7:27pm EDT

you are depressed

you have described it very well

Now I hope it's just a poem

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Denise W. Oct 7, 2008, 7:28pm EDT

Thank you for sharing

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Penny M. Oct 7, 2008, 7:28pm EDT

I agree with Elaine...

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~*~Nina~*~ R. Oct 7, 2008, 7:33pm EDT

Yes, I have depression. It comes and goes...whenever it wants to!
This just describes where I go sometimes when it happens. I have been under a doctor's care and on medication for years. It doesn't make it go away...it help most of the time. The rest of the time is described above.

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Debra C. Oct 7, 2008, 7:39pm EDT

It reminds me of Alice Cooper's, "I Never Cry".

So honest. So real. So important to recognize and face.

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Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Oct 7, 2008, 7:43pm EDT

Sending hugs your way.

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Debby O. Oct 7, 2008, 7:44pm EDT

Very well put sweetie. I know the feeling well.

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Abby N. Oct 7, 2008, 7:56pm EDT

Sounds like my anxiety, I also have depression at times. I can very much relate to this. It is hard to find meds that work or well enough and if they do, sometimes have had to have them changed or the amounts changed. When I felt more depressed, I also felt more lonely.
I'm very sorry you suffer from that.

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sarah g. Oct 7, 2008, 7:57pm EDT

very nice poem. Do you really feel like this? I am sorry if you do. (HUGS)))

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Priscilla (wishing I was in Costa Rica) ~. Oct 7, 2008, 8:19pm EDT

Very well written Nina~

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~*~Nina~*~ R. Oct 7, 2008, 8:26pm EDT

Thank you all for understand this so well. I didn't realize so many people could identify with this!
For those who have never had clinical depression, you are so blessed not to have to deal with it!

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~*~Nina~*~ R. Oct 7, 2008, 8:30pm EDT

Yes, I do feel like this at times, and I hate it! I try to make it go away, but I don't seem to have control over it! So I ride the wave! That's what my husband and I call it. I ride the wave until it's over!

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Ellie !. Oct 7, 2008, 8:38pm EDT

I'm sorry you feel that way. Too many people do. One of mine found help with a complete blood work up by the naturepath. She switched her RX for natural. So far, it is helping. But I fear there is no cure.

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tammy b. Oct 7, 2008, 9:21pm EDT

great poem-I hope you get through this

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Digital Diva S. Oct 7, 2008, 9:54pm EDT

Thanks for posting this to Best Original Photos, Art and Writing for 2008

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LaRue B. Oct 7, 2008, 10:57pm EDT

Well done! Sorry for the pain! Expressing it does help! Keep writing!

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Steph-in-NE ..... Oct 7, 2008, 11:21pm EDT

so glad to see you around,, this is good, yet so serious,, I turely hope all is well

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Janie E. Oct 7, 2008, 11:37pm EDT

This touched home in so many ways, Nina!!!! Depression can be so debilitating!!!!

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Member Photog Oct 8, 2008, 12:20am EDT

hi there, gurL....you conveyed your feelings very well....i suspect the act of writing them down is cathartic for you.....and perhaps receiving feedback here also helps in some way...

like you,i,too,am diabetic and when my glucose is out of balance so too are my emotions and general mood....only mentioning this cause it can contribute to episodes of depression

take care of YOU,gurL....big hugz to ya!

cheers,gayle

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Nancy S. Oct 8, 2008, 12:26am EDT

Well written but this scared me when I read it Nina. Your title told me it was true. I'm so sorry. I wish they could find a real cure. You have my prayers. God bless.

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Marilyn M. Oct 8, 2008, 11:04am EDT

I understand as well, Nina. It's funny... So much of what I've read says that depression is supposed to be a temporary thing, curable with meds and counseling. But for so many of us that's not the case.

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Tory H. Oct 8, 2008, 2:54pm EDT

Well-written and filled with emotion.

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~*~Nina~*~ R. Oct 8, 2008, 7:12pm EDT

You have all been so supportive! Thank you!
You all have made so many good points! It's amazing the amount of people who go through the same feelings that I do.
When I write my feelings down it is cathartic!
Gayle, you also mentioned being a diabetic can add to this! I am trying to put my thoughts into words about that too. I feel like I am a SLAVE TO THE NEEDLE!. I decided that would be the title, but really it says it all!

You all feel like family to me! There was quite a stretch not too long ago when you didn't hear from me. I was so depressed I couldn't do anything! I become completely paralyzed, and I can't accomplish a thing! I can't even watch television! Anyway, it is nice to have an outlet. Thank you all for listening and caring.
Love,
Nina

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t b. Oct 8, 2008, 10:31pm EDT

I like this--and I understand fear Nina.

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necee t. Oct 9, 2008, 2:07pm EDT

oh dear Nina... i'm sorry for your pain... i have felt this way for many years also... i take my meds and go to the doctor, but many times, i just end up in my room alone sleeping...
God bless you my sweet friend... lots of love and hugs to you...

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Carol P. Oct 9, 2008, 2:27pm EDT

I feel your pain Nina. There are so many who feel this way but don't have the courage to come forward. Thank you for sharing your inner feelings, as painful as it must have been. I invite you to join my group, PTSD, submit your article and I will feature it to the group.

I wish peace for you my friend.

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Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Oct 10, 2008, 2:10pm EDT

can feel the fear.

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Abby N. Oct 17, 2008, 7:58pm EDT

Hi, Thanks for posting to Complaint Station group!

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Abby N. Oct 17, 2008, 7:58pm EDT

I hope today was a better day for you and that you have a happier weekend.

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Maria W. Oct 24, 2008, 4:57pm EDT

I hope you will be feeling better soon, my Friend.

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Elaine B. Oct 27, 2008, 3:19pm EDT

Sad but well written poem!

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*Holly *. Nov 14, 2008, 6:43pm EST

Very sad but beautifully written.

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