Paxil is what's probably considered the biggest "heavy-hitter" in the SSRI category of anti-depressants. As it's the most potent, it also has the most side-effects associated with it. The same goes for Effexor XR, although that's a bit more complicated of a medication, as it's an a-typical anti-depressant. It works on different chemical receptors in the brain at different dosage levels. The dosage that I'm takeing, 225mg/day, hits mostly on the norepinephrine receptors, but also targets the serotonin as well, just not as much.
The Buspar is given mainly for my anxiety symptoms, which basically go hand-in-hand with the Depression. But Buspar also hits on serotonin, so it also helps with fighting Depression. The Neurontin serves a dual-purpose for me: it helps with my neuropathic pain in my leg (which was caused by the injuries I sustained in my car accident in January 2002), and it also acts against my anxiety. Neurontin is also used as a mood stabilizer, so maybe it helps with the Depression slightly, as well.
There's a really great web
site that describes quite well, in plain-English, the different medications in use for psychiatric treatment. It's called Crazy Meds.So four medications that I take for my chronic Depression, and yet today I lie in bed and it's 2:30. I have to get to the supermarket as I have a list of items that are on sale, and the sale ends today. I can't get out of bed. I haven't showered in going on four days now. I have no desire to do anything but lie here in bed. I'm forcing myself to be on the computer, and I don't even want to do that.
I'm blasting music that usually energizes me and I'm just laying here. Usually I can't help but at least bop my head around to the music and now, nothing. I mean, who can't help but smile to Shiny Happy People by R.E.M. and The B-52s (by the way, can anyone tell me why there's not one instance in the video they made where the shiny happy people are actually holding hands?)? ::raises hand:: Me, that's who, at least right now at this moment as it's blasting on my speakers, I'm not smiling. I'm sitting here fighting to stay awake, fighting not to fall back asleep and spend 16 hours a day sleeping....
Depression is a bitch. It really steals your life from you. And there's only so much you can do about it. When you're on four different medications to fight it and it manages to break through and get a death grip on you, there's very little you can do. I'm just hoping it doesn't get to the point where I start having bad thoughts and have to put myself in the hospital again.
I have a lot of positive things going for me in my life right now, for the first time in a really long time. So there isn't a reason for me to be feeling down. But Depression doesn't care about your feelings; in fact, many people who suffer from chronic Depression usually aren't "depressed" most of the time, especially if they're in some form of treatment, such as I am.
I lie here in bed, in my bedroom in ghetto-ass Yonkers, New York--I haven't have a bedroom in 2.5 years so this is a great thing, right--with the laptop on my lap and I'm trying to come up with thoughts of what to write. My concentration is so bad right now that I can't even watch television. I'm blasting these songs, and they're not really having the effect that they usually have. And I don't have a cute guy to snuggle up with in bed.I can tell, without even looking, that my writing is becoming circular. I'm babbling more and not getting to the point. I don't even know if I know what the point is anymore....
I'm in treatment. I'm doing better than I've been in a while. And I've been in treatment for the longest consecutive period of time in my life. I know that there's help out there. But right now all I feel like doing is putting the laptop to the side and sliding down the bed and drifting off into the never-neverland, which I can even do with the music blasting as loud as it is ....
I'm just scanning through the information on this web site and what I'm finding interesting isn't so much the information but the statistics contained there. For instance, the part on what they call premobidity of Depression: 10-25% of patients with Major Depressive Disorder have preexisting Dysthymic Disorder. These "double depressions" (i.e., Dysthymia + Major Depressive Disorder) have a poorer prognosis. I fit well into that category, as I have also been diagnosed with Dysthymic Disorder, so I'm one of the prized people who get to have a "Double Depression." Isn't that fun, I have a poorer prognosis!
Let me tell you something about Double Depression: it really, really, freakin' sucks. The nearly eight or nine months that I spent in locked psychiatric unit of a hospital were because the double-depression was really hitting quite hard and I wasn't responding to treatment (of course, being doped up on tons of painkillers wasn't helping me any, either).
Thanks goodness for the Internet, though. Once I was diagnosed with Depression, I began researching it (well, a few years after, when I finally started feeling a little bit better and wanted to learn what the hell was going on with me). There's a wealth of information out there about Depression in general, now. Why couldn't this information have been as prevalent in the mid-1990s, back when I was in law school going through it and not knowing a damned thing?
Actually, sliding down on the bed wouldn't be a bad thing, as my back is killing me. For no reason. I haven't done any lifting or anything. It just hurts. And I've come to know that this is part of Depression. Pain, for no reason. It's 95 degrees outside right now. My arthritis isn't really bothering me that much (it always bothers me but it's not so bad right now) and I'm in pain. For no reason.
Maybe it has something to do with my financial situation. I wrote about it recently in this article: A Response to SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY ABUSE by Duane B. by Peter C. Frank. Or maybe I'm just missing Rossi, and missing Rossi led me to make some bad decisions in the past....
I think the song by The Police, Message In A Bottle, expresses how I'm feeling right now pretty well in this metropolitan area of nearly 20 million people (I always forget the population of the New York Metropolitan Region...):
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More loneliness than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh
Ill send an s.o.s. to the world
Ill send an s.o.s. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life but
Love can break your heart
Ill send an s.o.s. to the world
Ill send an s.o.s. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Walked out this morning, dont believe what I saw
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems Im not alone at being alone
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home
Ill send an s.o.s. to the world
Ill send an s.o.s. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Sending out at an s.o.s.
Sending out at an s.o.s.
Sending out at an s.o.s.
Sending out at an s.o.s.
Sending out at an s.o.s.
Sending out at an s.o.s...
This is Depression. Welcome to my hell. How do I leave this place I'm keep getting trapped in for good?
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Comments: 49
So, have you contacted your healthcare professional to see what you may need? Please don't wait and just let things get worse!
Peter, your writing in this article is great. I hope this compliment is somewhat of a perk to you.
You seem very educated about your condition. I don't know much about depression. Why do they give you so many medications? I'm always wary if a doctor wants to prescribe more than one or two pills for anything.
My endocrinologist put me on a huge dose of vit. D for a few months; he has cut it back now....I was having neurological pain radiating down my leg to the point I couldn't sleep at night. A couple of weeks on the Rx dose of vit. D cleared it right up. I still have some pain in my foot but it is due to mechanical problems that existed before the nerve pain got bad.
I'm not on meds for depression/PTSD anymore (therapy only, now) but the vit. D had a powerful effect--to the point that I can not only hold down a full-time job but actually WANT to get out of bed on the weekends--and DO it.
I can't talk about anyone's experience but my own, but...Peter, take care of yourself.
Please just ask your doctor to check your vitamin D levels...it's much more common than was previously thought and can mimic a LOT of conditions--including thyroid disorders, depression with/without neurological pain, and nerve pain disorders as well. It's worth exploring, and very easily and cheaply treated....
Positive thoughts and affirmations are being sent your way!
Roger
In Mathew 11;28 says come unto me all that labour and heavy ladened and I will give you rest.
verse 29; take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowely in heart, and you shall find rest in your soul.
verse 30, For my yoke ids easy, and my burden is light.He can Heal mind body and soul.
That being said, I hope you feel better soon. You are not alone out there just remember that. Depression won't beat you if you don't let it. Please keep up the fight.
Hugs and luv. Your friend A.
I couldn't take Paxel. have you ever heard of Depakote? Or Seraquil. That's what I am on fo BiPolar & PTSD and to make my head shut up at night I take trazazone as needed. That stuff knocks me out. I hate taking meds but know I have to.
So keep writing and Gathering it helps.
Paxil is good and it stopped working for me. If you can't get out of bed..drag your butt back to the doctor.
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I just try to find ONE thing each day that is happy. It could even be the fact that I have toothpaste, or food, or a silly song, or whatever. Even in my grouchies, if I can still find one thing, life is ok.
My thoughts are with ya!
While a central nervous system med helps, too much can also cause depression, I don't care what the doc said to me. Best wishes.
I am talking wellbutrin right now, but it does nothing for the depression and the doc won't give me anything for anxiety, which keeps getting worse. I swear if I didn't have dogs to take care of, I wouldn't get out of bed either. And you're right, depression doesn't care. And most people don't either. They say "Well, you don't look sick" (or depressed, or in pain, or whatever).
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I read your article with understanding. I have had severe osteo-arthritis for about 12 years, my hips were finally replaced about 4 1/2 years ago and that got me back on my beloved horse. Got me back to living. I got epidurals for my lumbar disk bulge and life was good. Then my mother, at 94 died, I could cope with that, then my husband ran off with another woman, I came to cope with that, then I fell and fractured the upper part of my femur, the following week my horse cast under a fence and had to go in hospital. I had had that stallion for 22 years and it really stressed me out, i didn't eat, hardly slept and just lay on the stall floor for 6 1/2 weeks, running up a mid 5 figure vet bill and letting everything go to rack and ruin. I had to put Sun down the end of July last year and am now going through the 1-year anniversary thing from the 15th June till the 23rd July it will be so.
I, fell apart, my heart broke, I found no meaning anymore after 22 years.
Then I had an epiphany of sorts. Here I was 57 years old, and free again (?) dubious!
I have been taking anti-inflammatories, Voltaren for years, luckily with the epidurals and sciatic nerve blocks I don't have to load up on Vicodin or darvocett any more. I too take Neurontin, mainly fibro-myalgia, also 40 mgs of Prozac, Ambien, Atavan for anxiety, Trazadone for when Ambien doesn't work. I am seeing a therapist since Sun died, right after, not being able to face all his stuff I went to stay with a friend in Baja and rode on the beach, riding never hurts, but it is generic now without Sun. BUT, it is getting better, or at least getting manageable. I know the feeling of not wanting to get up, it is safe lying in bed, thinking about all you need to do. I can tell you your back is hurting because you are lying down, mine does that. I had a stress test yesterday on the treadmill. half and hour on that thing and I didn't hurt any more!
i got a book called The 7 chakras of Healing and it works.
If you wnat to correspond with me privately write to me here and I will give you my e mail.
Keep on keepin' on!