What ticks you off...and why?

What ticks you off...and why?

Have you ever wondered why the same experience can tick one person off and not another person?

Why doesn't everyone have the same anger reaction?

Do some people not feel angry...ever?

All of us encounter challenge, threat, or annoyance in the course of daily life. Occasionally these can be life-threatening, but more often they simply threaten our pride, our prestige, our position at work, our place in the family or society, and our self-image.

Even though the popular image of an over-worked or overstressed person is of a highly placed executive, research has shown that people who suffer from stress are scattered among all social classes and are of both sexes and all ages.

Then why does one person become more angry, in a specific situation, than another person?

From the above example, a bummed-out executive does not differ from a depressed, apathetic, prematurely aged unemployed person or assembly-line worker. Genetic background, past experience, family upbringing, and cultural background, as well as present circumstances, all influence the way a situation is evaluated and thus responded to. We may call this the psychobiological programming of the person. What feels like an overwhelming situation to one person may be a stimulating challenge to another and a mere trifle to a third.

You may not be able to change your culture or your genetics but you can change your viewpoint of a situation. What is different abou the way someone thinks who did not get angry at a situation? Why did they choose a different path than frustration and aggression?

To put it another way, what thoughts did you have just before your got angry at a person or situation that others, who did not get angry, did not have?

The answers are there, but most of us don't want to really research them out. Perhaps the payoffs of anger are greater than the losses. Perhaps the person is too lazy to find a new way of doing things? Perhaps the angry person feels is too wounded to take the steps to inventory their own actions and behaviors and see what is behind the anger? These are questions each of has to answer if we are not seeing change in our anger.

Take one week to simply observe yourself and your thoughts. Keep a log or diary to see what set off you anger over seven days. Don't judge or try to change these things, just note them in writing. Give them a rating from 1 to 10 of what caused the greatest anger reaction versus what only caused a small irritation. Become your own scientist to study yourself and see what burns under your anger and why. You may be surprise to see what is there.

Remember, everyone gets angry. Not everyone reacts with anger. What is different about them and about you?

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