The idea of the empty chair comes directly from Gestalt Theory. Clients who were unable to voice their fear, pain, or desire to the actual person that they needed to addresse could pretend that person was in the empty chair and bear their soul in a safe and controlled environment.
Many times we have issues for which we cannot speak out loud, we question things, we wish we could say things to certain people and yet we are afraid.
How can I tell my boss that I think he is rude and a bully without getting fired? How can I tell Joe I love him, why would he even give me a second look? I never had a chance to tell mom before she died that I was sorry for what I said to her that last awful year of her life. I want to tell the rapist how he destroyed my life, if ever I could meet him face to face, but I don't even know who he is.
All these feelings can be brought here to the empty chair without fear and recrimination.
I have chosen to make this group private because of the sensitive issues that may arise. I have also set the group to moderated because I do not want unrelated information filtering through.
This group is not for posting: games, jokes, articles that are not related.
Articles for this group cannot be written in the general style.
It must be written from the "I want to say to you, or I want to show you, I have to get this off my chest" style. You are actually talking to a real person in that empty chair. You are not preaching to him or educating him as a teacher in a classroom. You are talking heart to heart and getting it all off your chest.
Hopefully group members will join in, take the point of view of the empty chair person and you are encouraged to answer back.
For example if the writter said: "Dad you never had time for me, I was not important to you"
The group member might answer, "I know and I am sorry, or I was so busy with working and trying to make ends meet, I guess I just lost perspective on what was really important."
I know this is not a therapy group just a gather group, but we can perhaps help each other out and add a little sunshine to this otherwise dismal world.
Please note that this group does not replace therapy which happens in the confines of a counsellors office.
here is how you will be able to join the empty chair: http://theemptychair.gather.com/
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Comments: 30
My grandmother passed away in the hospital all alone. We had been with her for hours that evening but I knew she was not going to last long and I couldn't bear it. I was 16 and she was my hero, my everything. I was afraid. If I could turn back the clock I wouldn't have insisted that my mother and I leave her. I had to have some shoes for school and I was annoying my mom to take me to get the shoes, that it was getting late, and we Had to Go! My grandmother was very ill, yet understanding. She told us to go ahead and go get my shoes that she would be fine and we could just come back in the morning to see her. I had worked in the nursing home for two years by that time and from looking at her legs and feet I knew the circulation was not good. They were very purple and cold. I knew she was not going to make it much longer. I couldn't bear it. If I could change that night I would. It would go something like this:
"Grandma I'm really sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most to be at your side. You never left me when I was sick or afraid and I don't know how to say how I feel about what I felt that night so long ago. I just knew If I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop and I didn't want you to see my tears. You always told me that big girls don't cry. I didn't want to make you unhappy or let you see that I might think you were you dying. I was hoping I was wrong but my heart knew I was right. You were so frail and weak. I was afraid I would break you but I just wanted to crawl in beside you and tell the angels they couldn't have you and please don't take you away you from me. But I didn't say anything except about getting those shoes. I just wanted to run away as fast as I could because I couldn't watch you leave me. You were only 56 it wasn't fair. That's what I wanted to say. You were much too young to be taken away from us. Mom was only 36 when she lost her Mom and I was only 16. We needed much More of you. If I had known I was going to have such little time on this earth with you I would have spent my time More wisely and Enjoyed you MORE while you were here! I would have learned from you all of your secrets and asked more questions. As children we just Don't know how precious each moment is until it's too late. I tell my children all about you and I hope they've gotten to know about you through me. I wish they could have known you the way I did. One day in heaven they will. For now it gives me Great comfort to know you watch over all of us until we get there. I miss you grandma and if you were in that 'Empty Chair' I'd be the happiest girl in the whole wide world...
I think you've got a good idea, Carol.
I might've written if I didn't have a counselor :)
You got it from the point you were talking directly to your grandmother in the empty chair, that is what I am looking for.
But this is just an article explaining what the empty chair group is about so you need to post it to the empty chair group directly, and then it is private and only empty chair members read it.
the empty chairs is all about feelings for people who cannot speak to the person they would love to speak to.
whether it was in a therapists office, that a person spoke those feelings and then the person when out and acted upon it or if he saw a show on tv and then went out and acted upon it or if later wrote a play that became a new york best seller as his way of acting upon it, is not the intention of the empty chair and to the best of my counsellor knowledge has never happened.
Please don't create issues where they do not exist.
you may feel you have some thing of value to say to the person addressing the empty, perhaps something you learned in counselling, it's up to you if you want to participant and in which way that you do.
Well, who knows - it may be better - Chateaux Gathereaux is a group where we meet and discuss whatever is our fancy - wine or problems - sometimes just knowing there is someone here to listen to whatever we say without judging us and whom we don't have to pay - is great therapy! Salud,
Salud,
love and light to you
collaboration is wreaking the hell out of me right now. maybe we can pull out a quilt together. than again, i can't sew, let a lone with just my hand