My sister Barbara and my Daughter Michelle

I don't want to forget this event that happened to me today.

My sister Barbara died. It breaks my heart. She has been my sister for almost 60 years, but she has been my best friend in the world for over 40 years. There was nothing I could ask of her that she would not do for me, there was nothing too big or too small. She listened to me. She loved me unconditionally. I hope she felt that I did all that for her as well. That's what friends do for each other.

She has been ill for almost two years. She has been very sick, and in the hospital for probably a dozen times in those months. She has been on kidney dialysis 3 times a week since January 2005. On Friday, October 26^th during her dialysis she had a heart attack that necessitated her being taken via helicopter to a hospital about 40 miles away for an emergency heart catherization, which was supposed to be a prelude to major open heart bypass surgery. The doctors realized she was not strong enough for the open heart surgery and in my opinion they pretty much gave up on her by Saturday the 27^th of October. I realized this very early in her hospital stay when I asked enough questions to deduce that they were not feeding her via intravenous means or by mouth. She got weaker by the hour and was in constant chest pain. They kept her on morphine to keep her comfortable.

She died early on Tuesday, October 31^st. I got a call from the hospital at 5 a.m. that morning telling me that she had taken a turn for the worse. I should say at this point that I had not slept well during my sleep Monday night - Tuesday morning but was sleeping soundly at 4 a.m. when I awoke with a start and my eyes flew open and I KNEW that Barbara was leaving this world. I laid there in my bed and at 5 a.m. my son came to my bedroom door and told me that the hospital had called his phone line a minute before to tell me that my sister had taken a turn for the worse and that I should come to the hospital as soon as possible.

I don't drive well in the dark and it was pitch dark outside. I missed my turn for the interstate which would have gotten me to the hospital in about 30 minutes. Consequently I was on a strange road that was pitch black dark, no street lights. By the time I got to a familiar part of the trip which was well lit I was in a state of such panic and fright it was unbelievable. I drove but I knew that I was going to be too late to tell her one last time how much I loved her and how I would miss her so much. About 15 minutes from the hospital in my state of panic a "feeling" of calm came over me. I could hear the voice of my deceased daughter Michelle in my head and she was saying to me in such a calming voice "it's o.k. mom, I've got her….. I've got her mom". I was so frustrated, was I going crazy? Then I said out loud in the car all by myself… "dear God what is going on, please give me some sign"…. and at that point the most amazing thing happened. I looked at the car that had just gotten in front of me in the traffic, looked right at the license plate… which read "SHEL LEA" . My daughter, who had passed away 15 years ago, was named Michelle Leigh.

That was my sign. I knew my sister was gone from this world, but I also knew without a doubt that my sweet daughter Michelle had met her, perhaps in the "light" and taken her by the hand to lead her into heaven.

When I got to the hospital my sister was still warm as I sat beside her and held her hand. She had died earlier, I did not get to speak to her while she was still a living breathing human being, but I knew that she knew how much I loved her. Judging from what the people in CCU told me, I fit the pieces of the puzzle of the morning together and I gathered that my sister had probably passed from this world to the next at approximately 4 a.m., the exact time that I had awakened so abruptly.

My sister was a phenomenal human being. Her love of animals was greater than that of anyone else I have ever seen. She never met a dog she didn't like. She would rather have cut off a limb of her own that be cruel to any living creature.  She was the most non judgmental person I have ever known and her sense of loyalty, honesty and morals were just as God intended us to be. She will be greatly missed by many, none of whom will ever miss her more than I.

Goodbye Barbara, and may God keep you in his heaven forever. You have earned your place there.