Feeling Fragile

I am feeling a little fragile. 

I had been looking forward to this weekend for the past five days and had done everything I could to prepare for it.  Even with the coming rain, I knew that I had plenty to do at home to keep me happy – writing projects, painting, knitting, preparing for a Tai Chi class I plan to teach, and plenty of books and furry friends.

I called my mother as soon as I got home from work today.  She is two hours away.  I knew she had a doctor appointment this afternoon.  She has been dealing with intestinal problems for weeks, along with weakness, loss of appetite, and depression.  My sister lives near her and went to the doctor with her.  She had a CAT scan this afternoon after seeing the physician.

She told me that the doctor thought she had one out of two possible problems and one may require hospitalization.  Nothing major.  She said she would call me back after she heard from the doctor.

Two hours later she called and I could tell by the sound of her voice that it was not good news.  The CAT scan showed evidence of cancer in the lymph nodes of her stomach.  This was not one of the above possible problems.  She goes in for a biopsy on Tuesday.

After the remnants of Ernesto move through here tomorrow I am going to drive down and stay with her, possibly until after the biopsy on Tuesday.  If it shows as malignant, which the doctor seems to think it will, chemo will be discussed.

She is 69 and has diabetes.  My worry is that the diabetes complicates everything even further. 

Also, my father died in January of last year from esophageal cancer.  He would have died sooner, but he stopped the experimental chemo 8 months before because the chemo was killing him faster than the cancer. 

Two months after my father died, one of my dearest and best friends died of complications of lung cancer, chemo and a variety of infections she caught while being in the hospital. 

I am trying to think positive, but I don't have much faith in the medical community. 

Thank you for being here.