WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY 14 OUNCE DAUGHTER

I always considered myself to be quite fortunate. At 35 years of age I was on the faculty at a major medical school and on the fast track for tenure and promotion. My research on brain function was becoming nationally recognized and I had been awarded prestigious grants from the National Institutes of Health (NIH). I married a beautiful woman who was the love of my life. The only thing missing was a family. Although this path was challenging, through the process of in vitro fertilization (IVF), Susan was finally able to conceive a child.

After only 20 weeks of pregnancy, my wife started leaking amniotic fluid. Despite desperate attempts to prolong the pregnancy, my daughter Rachel was born at only 23 weeks gestation and weighed only 18 ounces. At 11 inches long, she could have fit in the palm of my hand. Her eyes were fused shut and the doctors placed white gauze over them to protect her from the bilirubin lights. There were numerous wires and tubing protruding from her tiny body. Rachel's paper thin skin was pierced by needles and her arms moved spasmodically back and forth as if she were writhing in agony. In her room was the rhythmic hum of a ventilator providing oxygen to the one lung that had not collapsed. My daughter's lips would occasionally part as if she wanted to scream but was unable. She had sepsis and was burning up with fever.

For nine months, our tiny daughter fought for her life in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Her weight fell to 14 ounces and at one point, Rachel was given a 1 in 10,000 chance of survival. After a third of her small intestine was removed, the surgeon and other physicians thought that the situation was hopeless. Our family gathered to say their last goodbyes.

Despite all of the prognostications, my daughter, the tiny warrior, miraculously survived. Ten years have passed since Rachel came home. Despite challenges with mild cerebral palsy, hearing and vision, she is the most happy and loveable child imaginable with a tremendous sense of humor. She is currently in the sixth grade. My wife and I subsequently went to China to adopt a delightful little sister Amy, who is now six years of age. We now do what many other families with disabled children do every day, love our child, try to maximize her potential and to realize that she is a special gift entrusted to our care. Looking beyond our daughter's disabilities and being able to see the beautiful human being underneath has required that we relinquish our insistence on perfection and that life should be easy or fair. Both Rachel and Amy have taught our family wonderful lessons about the power of love and acceptance. We have also come to accept that life is not fair and that bitterness about the past is the corrosive that consumes the container which holds it.

One of the most important things that I have learned based on Rachel's heroic struggles is that we often never appreciate a blessing until the moment that it is lost. We have today to extend love, appreciation and forgiveness to others and to make our lives matter. There is no guarantee that we will ever get another chance tomorrow.  Excessive regrets about the past and fears about the future only serve to rob us of the present moment which is the fabric of our lives. We can only strive to live each moment with love, wonder and gratitude.

David Loewenstein PhD is the author of "For the Love of Rachel: A Father's Story" published by Enalan Communications at www.enalan.com