Line in the Sand?.

Line in the Sand….

As sincere as I can possibly sound, I feel… its time for me to begin again…

So I am drawing a line, stepping over it, leaving yesterdays trials, tribulations and woes behind, and raising my head in pride, to this new moment, on the other side of the line… giving myself 'permission' to begin... again...

In my life I have had to put things aside, things that I loved, dreams and hopes that I chased, to live within reality…. to endure my fate…to move towards my life's journey.

So here I am, growing older, a secure job I sincerely love, and yet… I feel empty…

Once, along time ago, I was what I would call, an accomplished illustrator… it came easy to me, and I filled my time, 'creating'… Slowly, time spent in this endeavor … diminished… I had to commit every second I had, to move forward, to move ahead and tend to my daughters, my life and my vocation…

There have been times, I could have easily revisited my pen and paper, yet I hesitated… knowing that as the years have passed, so has my ability… and I have to ask myself if I 'can' accept this, or if it is better to live, in past glory. 

It is so simple to pull out my portfolio, tear sheets from magazines that published me and recant to myself, how I could have found success in art, if I had wanted it…

Age has a wonderful way of putting things into perspective, and part of that is 'art' is a part of who I am, not a part of who I want to be, or who I once was.  It calls to me still, through inspiration I find along my daily life… and I gently push it away, or pretend…. I just do not hear.

But fooling your heart is no simple deed… it knows, and it feels the great loss… and slowly, denying myself this part of me, has changed who I am… who I have become.

Is my fear such that I am afraid, I can no longer 'illustrate"?

Yes, it is… I know now I need to draw the line in the 'sand', and cross over it… begin tomorrow with the promise that I will, at least 'try'… and not distress when my first attempts are in vain… because trying is about some measure of success, and some measure of failure… and I now am willing to once again pursue all of the amazing ideas I have seemingly bottled up, and pushed to the back.

As I blow off the dust, I feel… re-energized, not knowing which inspiration to chase first, which dream to capture on canvas… and I will remember, that while its been many many years, I can do this… because its simply, a part of who I am…..

Oddly, I feel 'free' once again…

Deb…   (please view all six (6) slides to the right of my work in progress....)