Lifes Crossroads..

Lifes Crossroads…

Often on our journey through life, we come to a cross roads of sorts…

We hesitate, wondering if we go left, what would we of missed if we had not gone right?  Knowing we cannot go back, but afraid to go forward, afraid of the unforeseen…

In my mind, going right of left means varying our journey with new interests, new types of safe explorations but not really moving forward…

So here I stand in the center, wondering which path to take…. Wondering if I should just stand still, and wait… wait for the courage to continue on, to leave my future to chance…

But sometimes its not about courage, its about being so very tired after fighting battle after battle and just wanting… a place where it is no longer needed…. I think of this place often, wondering if I may then just …. Battle on a smaller scale, weary of giving my all to an often un-winnable war… often, surprising myself by being the victor sometime later… some years later…

Yet it seems that before I can even put my 'sword' away and hit a relaxing stance, there is yet another battle facing me….

I do have a choice, some that are painfully clear and they would be to not battle but ensure the pain and suffering one would impose on me, it would mean allowing others to trod on my emotions and needs and worse, it would mean compromising my integrity and surrendering  my honor..

So I sit in the middle of the crossroads, feeling disdain for my current indignity, noticing no one seeing the tear I wipe back… no one there to share in my self pity… Tired as I am, I do not understand the concept of 'not trying' and as I stand, I summon renewed energy to move forward, to the unknown.

I often wonder about the roads I passed by, making choices that left me with a wistful sigh, wondering if this road I'd pass ever again, wondering for a second chance…knowing in my heart its not likely…

All these years later, thinking about these roads… wondering if my life's outcome would have somehow been changed… some how altered…if I would of found the happiness I have yet to know…

Here I'll sit, with my random ramblings…. Biding my time… until I stand and decided to continue on my journey…