Unconditional Love (Revise/Repost)

A few years ago, I went to visit a boyfriend at his home.  It was raining cats and dogs at the time.  He wanted me to meet Boots, his two-year old Akita/Husky mix.  Outside there was this beautiful, but huge, animal under a deck tethered with a chain.  I looked at him and said, “What a beautiful baby!”  At the same time, Boots lunged at me, throwing his paws on my shoulders and licking my face.  Needless to say, this 100 pound muddy animal knocked me down and turned our first meeting into a mud-wrestling event filled with laughter.  We were in love with a capital “L.”

Boots and his owner moved in with me a little later.  I had not had an animal in my life for a long time before Boots.  I learned quickly that Boots was not only a huge animal, but also a huge presence.  I sincerely believe he was smarter than I was – although he was kind enough to allow us to be the “masters.”  When Boots was five years old, his owner and I split up.  However, I became Boots mom. 

Living alone, it was nice to have a sweet and awe-inspiring companion.  When Boots and I were in the front yard, the neighbor kids would see him and run, screaming “Wolf, Wolf.”  It was comical – as Boots was as gentle an animal one could ever imagine.  He had a way about him – wanting only to be close.

A year or so later, I noticed Boots having problems going to the bathroom.  He would groan while trying to poop.  I thought it was not too big of a problem, but in the nature of nurturing, I took him to the vet.  The vet took x-rays and showed me he was filled with poop, and suggested that I give him some baby laxative to ease his discomfort. 

After a week with no relief, I took him back to the vet.  The vet attempted to exam Boots’ behind, and for the first time Boots bit at someone.  The vet anesthetized him in order to proceed with the examination.  Boots was officially diagnosed with perianal fistulas.

Because this was Boots, I found myself doing my first research regarding animal health problems.  My first source was of course the vet, Dr. Kohler  – a wonderful doctor, whom I trust and recommend highly. He explained the basics and sent me off with several websites to explore.  The reason for his doing this was most pet owners finding their animals diagnosed with perianal fistulas immediately have them put to sleep.  Dr. Kohler was allowing me to make my best, most informed decision on the front end.

Although I do not have the original sources, the following is a short updated list of information regarding the disease: 

1. http://members.tripod.com/~perianal-fistulas/MatthewsReport.html
2. http://www.shilohgtf.com/Perianal%20Fistula.htm
3. http://www.vetinfo4dogs.com/doganal.html

Anal fistulas are “deep fissures around the edges of the rectal mucosa (pink inner portion of the rectum) that eventually lead to small abscessed tracts around the rectum.”  The cause of the disease is unknown, and there are only two treatments – surgery or medication. 

After doing research, I decided to try the medication.  Dr. Kohler prescribed cyclosporine and antibiotics, along with a laxative and baby food mixed in with Boot’s regular dog food.   Boots never recovered – his bodily functions were filled with pain and cries of anguish.  However, during the good times – we loved each other 100%. 

I learned a lot during those six months.  I learned that I couldn’t always be there when he needed me.  Sometimes, he would poop in the house because he had no control.  He would be so ashamed when I got home, but I would step over the poop and give him a big hug, and scratch his ears.  I learned that priorities change - a clean house was not nearly as important as loving my best friend.  I learned that going out on a Friday night was not as essential as staying home with a sick friend.  I learned new things/pretties where not as significant as buying the medications. I think I learned how to love because of Boots being in my life – unconditional love.  Sometimes, you have to step over a lot of poop to get to the important stuff.   

In retrospect, I think was being extremely selfish.  I loved Boots and thought he would be fine.  After six painful months for Boots, I decided to put him to sleep.  Dr. Kohler was incredible – however, he would not make the decision for me.  I did ask him the day before I made my decision, “What would you do?”  His answer was, “You know.”   

The morning of Boots' appointment, he and I went for a long ride, during which he could barely hold his head up, but he would wag his tail when I talked to him.  We went to McDonalds for lunch – and I drove him through the park where he could look at the other animals.  I loved him so much, and always will. 

When we got to the vet’s office, Boots was so exhausted he could not walk into the clinic, having to be carried.  I remember holding his face in my hands, looking into his beautiful eyes, so filled with love and trust, and my repeating, “Momma loves that babyboy,” as Dr. Kohler did what I had asked him to do.  The last thing Boots saw were my eyes, filled with love – not tears.  I saved the tears for later. 

And to this day, every time I feed the sweet pets that choose to share their love with me, I always ask they wait until I can hold their faces in my hands and say, “Momma loves that sweet baby.”  And, that’s all they need to know