Open Expectations: What a pediatrician learns from a day with her grandkids

Children continue to teach me new things. While that may seem like a trite statement, I am a grandmother and pediatrician, after all, and one would think my learning curve would not be that steep, given all my experience with children. But I am still learning. Over the holidays I was in New York City with my grandchildren. One is three years and one is twenty months. I wanted to create certain traditions, like the ones I had growing up. "Let's go see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. Then we can see the ice skaters below the tree and walk back and look at the Christmas scenes in the windows on Fifth Avenue," I said to them. I was bubbling with enthusiasm.

The trip was a disaster. By the time we walked to the tree, the kids were in a total meltdown. The baby refused to wear his mittens, and his hands were freezing. The three year old insisted on walking, which, of course, made the long walk that much longer, slower, and colder. They did not even notice the tree when we finally arrived, since by then they were cold and hungry.

I was willing to concede defeat and thought, "Why not go to F.A.O. Schwartz and look at the toys?" On the way I could sneak peaks at those Christmas windows. The three year old was excited to go to the big toy store, and his meltdown stopped.

However, the long walk to the toy store led to another revolt. Cold hands again and more hunger. We decided to take refuge in Saks to warm up. I told my daughter to go ahead into the store, and I would show the older child the windows at Saks. No deal. He refused to even look at the windows. He wanted to go in to get warm, and he wanted to follow his mother and brother—not unreasonable desires, but ones that weren’t in my plan. I didn’t even get a little glimpse of the windows. Instead, we settled into a picnic right in the front of Saks perfume displays, dispensing crackers and juice—and blocking the entrance.

We finally made it to F.A.O. Schwartz, which was a home run. The kids were beside themselves with delight. It was warm. They could run around and get out of the stroller and their bulky coats. We went from one department to the next (after, of course, finding the rest room). And, naturally, I got hoodwinked into buying an unnecessary and expensive toy. We were all totally depleted after our long morning, but at least we ended up with some happy memories of our time in New York.

So the lesson I learned once again from the children is to respect their ages, their body temperature, their developmental stage, their attention span, and their unceasing need for snacks. My agenda was totally inappropriate for their stages of development and the weather.

However, I am still determined to add that tree and those windows to their glowing memories of the big toy store in New York City—there is always next year!

What have you learned from a child recently?

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

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