STRESS: ARE YOU A MAKER, TAKER OR BREAKER?

Some years ago when my family was living in Europe, managing the financial operations of an American corporation, we were in the US for annual home leave and were invited to have dinner with my boss at his home.  He was a high achieving corporate vice president and reported directly to the president and founder of the company.  During dinner the subject turned to upper management employee who had just been told he needed to be treated for the effects stress and high blood pressure.  My boss commented that he didn’t understand it; he felt no stress and his blood pressure were fine.  His wife jumped in and said, “you don’t have stress or high blood pressure, you create stress and high blood pressure in others”.

We now more fully understand the negative effects on stress on out bodies and behaviors and recognize that stress can cause or contribute to serious physical conditions and interpersonal relations.  Alcohol and drug abuse, financial irresponsibility, eating disorders, domestic violence and child abuse and neglect can all have their roots in feelings of stress.

How any person deals with stress is based on their personality, life experiences and the specific situation.  Feeling stress in life threatening situations is certainly normal and, some would say, a survival characteristic, but our modern society has created conditions where many people feel stressed out as their normal condition, resulting in many physical, psychological and emotional dysfunctions. 

I recognize three basic types of personalities relating to stress:

STRESS MAKERS:  These are the people create stress in other by being demanding, angry, confrontational, or just plain unreasonable and difficult to deal with.  My boss was not one of these types, he was brilliant and hard working, but simply had unrealistic expectations about what other people could accomplish.  He expected everyone who worked for him to be as smart and hard working as he was.  I had a good relationship with him because I had received several promotions as the result of my performance in several difficult assignments and my successes made him look good.

STRESS TAKERS:  These are the people who seem to create stress in their lives as if it was their main reason for existence.  They are constantly upset and distressed about some aspect of their lives.  There may or not be a rational basis for their feelings of stress, but they always seem to have something to stress about.  The stress they feel will often result in them creating additional stress because they make errors and misjudgments or turn to drugs, alcohol, other harmful behaviors to relieve their stress. They can also make themselves feel less stress by passing their stress along to other family members, friends for co-workers, expanding the circle of stress.

STRESS BREAKERS: Stress breakers are those persons who by their personality, education, experience, or a combination of all three, are capable of helping stress makers and takers to restore a more balanced approach to the stress that we all feel in our lives.  This is one of the major functions of the mental health community; to help individuals solve stressful issues in their lives and understand how to avoid creating more stress.

Many people who are good are defusing stress have little or no formal training in mental health; they are simply calm, thoughtful, helpful people who have a personality that allows them to help the stressed-out people to find more balance in their lives.

Obviously this is a complex issue.  We are discovering that some aspects of our personality may be influenced by our genetic heritage.  Certainly our parents and general environment influence our attitudes and reactions to stress, as do our choices about how we live our lives and the values we embrace.

The damage stress can do to us and others are becoming more fully understood.  Stress can be, and is in some cases is, a real killer.  Stress does damage to our physical, mental and emotional health, resulting in higher healthcare costs, lost productivity and premature death.  I am sure that untreated stress is to some degree responsible for the family murder/suicides that result in the loss of entire families.  Each of us needs to inventory our own life stressors and take action to seek help to reduce or eliminate the sources of the stress.

 If your life stresses are under control, reach out to family, friends and co-workers who seem to be having difficulties managing the stress in their lives and help them locate sources of help. Your local mental health association or United Way should be able to provide you with a starting point.