This year's graduating seniors at Northwestern University heard three great leadership lessons from their commencement speaker, Illinois Senator Barack Obama. The lessons came from his own extraordinary life, and if the graduates are wise, they will model their own lives on what Obama told them.
Barack Obama is the son of a white American mother and a Kenyan father who left the family when the boy was just two years old. He was raised largely by his mother's parents in a modest home in Hawaii, where Obama managed to get into a top-ranked prep school and then went to New York's Columbia University. It was in his freshman year there, he told the Northwestern graduates, that he learned his first great leadership lesson: "The world doesn't just revolve around you" -- you have to learn to see things through other people's eyes.
He was partying too much and studying just enough to get by, he said, and one night he and his friends spilled a lot of beer, broke a lot of bottles, and trashed the dorm so thoroughly that a cleaning woman, viewing the wreckage next morning, broke into tears. To his credit, that shook Obama, and so did his girlfriend when she told him, "That woman could've been my grandmother, Barack. She spent her days cleaning up after somebody else's mess." What he had, he concluded, was an "empathy deficit." And so does our country, he told the graduates: "We lack the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes; to see the world through those who are different from us -- the child who's hungry, the laid-off steelworker, the immigrant woman cleaning your dorm room."
Mike Abrashoff learned that lesson as captain of USS Benfold, a dysfunctional guided missile destroyer that he was determined to make into the best damn ship in the Navy. He realized that to do that, he would need the active help of the crew, and he set about getting it by talking with every last one of them, 310 men and women, one by one until he really got to know them. They were a mixed lot, many of them from disadvantaged backgrounds and with very little education. A hotshot young officer might be tempted to think of them as losers. But when he got to understand them -- their home lives, their backgrounds, what they took pride in, the dreams they all had -- he saw that they could be winners, and their strong points could make up for their weaknesses. And together, they succeeded; in less than a year, Benfold won the coveted Spokane Trophy as the best ship in the Pacific Fleet.
Barack Obama warned the Northwestern graduates that they live in a culture that discourages empathy, where those in power tell us that the poor and homeless are lazy or weak, that inner-city children can't and won't learn, that innocent people being killed in distant lands are someone else's problem. Don't believe it, he said -- "because you have an obligation to yourself. Because our individual salvation depends on collective salvation. And because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential -- and become full-grown."
Monday: Obama's second great leadership lesson.
Donna Carpenter is an award-winning writer and editor and founder and chief executive officer of Wordworks, Inc.
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Comments: 16
And when we can connect with that which is "larger" than ourselves we not only realize our true potential, but the true potential of the collective, allowing the "larger" part of all of us to bring forth what is better in each of us.
I'm hitching mine to the Heart of Humanity - and I know that Heart is hitched to the Heart of Everything.
Right now I'm working on getting three basic concepts across:
1. Balance of Pentagon with Hexagon (war & peace departments)
2. Balance of Patriots with Matriots (national guardians & planetary guardians)
3. Balance of Masculine powers with Feminine powers, in order to stop the spread of the rogue-destructive mental contagion in Africa, MidEast, South America.
I believe such articles as this one, focusing on clear principles, good character, and right use of the Will-To-Good, are absolutely essential for our national soul.
Thank you!
Well, perhaps he diagnosed himself properly, but to cast the same "disease" onto the country as a whole seems a wee bit presumptuous. I would suggest there is no shortage whatsoever of "feeling the pain" of others, as Americans are one of the most charitable nations on earth. I would suggest the entire progressive dogma running rampant in the democrat party today is all about empathizing with others, much to the detriment of this great nation.
where those in power tell us that the poor and homeless are lazy or weak
Hey, that's what the democrats are all about, it's the lie the progressives sell, YOU NEED GOVERNMENT TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS FOR YOU. Weak, helpless, uneducated, you need our enlightened guidance to find happiness in the world, this is the heart and soul of progressive thinking. Government solves all problems, education solves all problems, yes, even the very dangerous notion, there are answers to all problems, and mankind can solve all problems, THROUGH EFFECTIVE GOVERNMENT.
It is precisely this type of hubris that leaves the democrats, and progressives at large, without credibility.
Let's take the examples given above-- first our ostensible hero, Barack has a personal epiphany. Then another man takes it upon himself, personally, to change the culture on his ship.
I know the lesson is supposed to be "empathy" in both cases, I know I'm supposed to say "hey I should try to see the other guy's point of view."
But what I take away from these stories instead, is a PERSONAL decision, PERSONAL responsibility assumed, and that doesn't look like something external, it doesn't appear to be anything done for the "good of society," it merely seems to be something INTERNAL, a recognition of REALITY and not some pie in the sky notions of "empathy" for your fellow man.
If one refuses to understand his brother, his fellow citizen, what is to be done with that person? Are they consigned then, to a sort of second class life, as defined by Mister Obama??
As human beings, we are genetically hard-wired for self interest and SURVIVAL, so I'm not entirely sure this jibes with the idea that a lack of "empathy" is one of society's greatest lessons to learn.
No one is interested in being Vice President until they CAN'T be President.. Politicos take it as a steppingstone to power.
You think Ms. Clinton would ever take a second banana job AGAIN?
I totally disagree with your point regarding empathy.
Empathy is a virtue worth cultivating. Cultivating empathy does not preclude personal responsibility. It is certainly possible to help victims without creating a mindset that government will solve some problems. Frankly. that attitude is a convenient excuse to deny help to those that need it and will give back to society if given a chance.
While it is true we are genetically wired for self-interest, we are also genetically hard wired for collective interest. These are not mutually exclusive ideas. For example, educating the entire population makes possible innovations that improve the quality of life for everyone. Countries like India are out competing the US because they understand the need to cultivate the collective good. Government, done right, can be a tool to make this happen.
Donna,
thanks so much for sharing this very positive message. Bush's entire Presidency and the Republican rubber-stamp Congress have given all of us a clear choice to make. We can create a society of Over-lords and Serfs OR we can create a society of opportunity. Obama has given anyone enlightened enought to join, more reasons to have hope in a brighter collective future.
Did you see the move "Ray," about Ray Charles? I understood the mother's pain as she stood silent in the room, trying to hide from her crying blind son.
As soon as you get feelings involved in your thought process, you are doomed to failure, and subject to exploitation. I know, because I am a master manipulator of people, though I no longer use my powers for the dark side. *chuckle*
As a little "crippled boy" I learned at a very early age how to use what you call "empathy." I learned it was very easy to get whatever you wanted, just because people would say to themselves, "I bet his life is so hard."
By the time I was in the fourth grade I was so out of control I was engaging in fist fights with my 60ish grade school teacher. I knew I could do whatever I pleased, and it would be excused. Why ??? What you call "empathy."
It is one of the most destructive things you can do to another human spirit, this idea you can "feel their pain." It makes of the object, a victim, and attempts to set the "empathizer" up as the savior.
Such things corrupt the human soul.
I'm an empath. When I "tune in" with my clients, I feel their pain in my own body, exactly where they're experiencing it. This energetic "tool" helps me teach them how to release their blocks and move their pain. In large part they're motivated to learn this because they don't like to see me hurting with "their" pain; but also, suddenly their assumption that the pain belonged to them, is blown to smithereens - If I can have their pain, then maybe it doesn't HAVE to stay in them.
Pity operates much the same at hate - it degrades both its object and its projector.
One can only pity another out of one's own self-pity.
Pity is not to be confused with compassion, which is an active form of unconditional love. Pity is low-vibrational; Unconditional Love / Compassion is very high-vibrational.
Beam me up Scotty *ROFL* ooops... Scotty wasn't in TNG was he??? *ROFL*
Pity operates much the same at hate - it degrades both its object and its projector.
No kidding.
Pity is not to be confused with compassion
No kidding again, so what ??? It often IS confused with compassion, often confused with sympathy, and yes, often confused with EMPATHY. Maybe you didn't see me make that point, but I did.
That's the problem, when emotion replaces logic, people are inevitably going to be confused.
When you speak of undifferentiated emotional reactions (as opposed to disciplined responses, which would include healthy detatchment and observer consciousness), that means confusion and lack of discipline.
I think the comments are wonderful. Jack, emotion influences our decisions, and logic alone is not going to cut it. (think the ultimate example of the Vulcan Spock). While I do understand your logic and that you have a unique perspective because of your background, empathy is exactly what leaders need. Empathy and logic work together.
Though empathic, I do not need to heap pity on somebody to respect and appreciate them. If they want help, we do so with dignity. Our governmental system such as it is makes it tough on folks and the current legislators have slashed programs which give folks a hand UP.... (not a hand out).
Peace,
Cat
My point exactly--- and the American public is RIDDLED with it.
Empathy is not pity
I didn't suggest it was, I said people often confuse the two however, and they do.
As for the captain, congratulations. He took the time, laid out the plan, and succeeded in getting everyone on board (pardon the pun). I seriously doubt Mr. Obama is going to "get to know" 300 million Americans and personally convince every one of them he is the guiding light that will bring salvation to this country.
As jJack so aptly put it, when emotions supplant logic confusion rules the day. And, I'm sorry to say, for a professional politician confusion is just another word for opportunity.