Star Tribune.com
Carol Race was known for faithfully attending the same Mass in Bertha, Minnesota, every Sunday for 12 years, until a restraining order against her autistic son changed everything for her family. Determined to take her son to Mass, she faces a hearing for violating her restraining order and is meeting with the church board members and a mediator on Wednesday. Momlogic spoke exclusively with Carol.
Momlogic: Tell us about your experiences with Adam at church.
Carol: Up until June last year, I don't believe anyone had complaints against him. It seems like in the spring of 2007, there were more complaints among parishioners. Unless you're used to what my son does, it can be shocking. Mostly he makes humming noises. Often it's his physical position. We always sit in the back pew--he would lay on the floor, lay on the pew, sometimes he would hop the pew to go to the empty space in the back. If his anxiety level is very high, we use fleece strips to tie his hands or feet--I tie one end on one wrist and one on the other and I hold it with one of my hands. It's a mechanical advantage. We keep that on for however he needs it.
He doesn't want to misbehave. Once he refused to go into church until it was tied on his ankle. I realized he was afraid of what might happen and he did have an anxiety attack later. It isn't something he fights against. Once he gets it on his wrist it doesn't take long for him to calm down. It's almost as if he says, "Good! Mom's got control so I can relax." It's during these moments when he has a bout of anxiety that frightens other parishioners, because they don't understand the mechanisms. It's shocking when people don't understand autism and don't understand meltdowns. But these are simple anxiety attacks, and no one is in danger. I haven't been given the opportunity to explain. People on the outside say that these are violent outbursts. On May 9, the policeman came to our house and delivered the restraining order.
Momlogic: How did Adam take the news?
Carol: He knows things are going on about him. The first couple of days after the media story broke he just slept all day. I've attended every Mass for the last 12 years. Except for one time where we had to wrestle him down, I don't believe he was disruptive. Is there disruption going on? Yes, if you hear it, but it's not the sound that disrupts them, it's the thoughts about the sound that disrupts. If it brings up the thoughts, "I don't know why they're at church" or "I don't like that family" then yes, it is disruptive. But that's where spiritual leadership comes in.
I am currently going to another Mass with Adam. The people there are nervous because they don't know what to expect. The first few Sundays they have to get used to how Adam is. The last couple of months he has been doing very well, he sits, stands and kneels and tries to do the sign of the cross. He hasn't really been making noises at church.
Momlogic: What would you like to say to other moms who may suffer discrimination because of their special-needs children?
Carol: Know that your child is good, no matter what behaviors they display. They are struggling with things that don't occur to other children. You have to stand by them and encourage them when you see that they are doing something right.
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Comments: 12
I'm so sorry the priest in this family's parish is so heard-hearted.
I guess in this case you have to have the whole story and judge what is best for the church as a whole.
I realize that he is autistic and that is not his fault but it isnt the fault of the people around him either.
If someone should get hurt then what?
This is one of those cases where there are no easy answers.
Thankfully I take my kids to a church that is really good with special needs children. They have been a big help with my child and special needs niece.
Just because the mother doesn't believe her son was being disruptive doesn't mean he wasn't to others. People are taught to be quiet in church and listen to the message. Fussy children are taken out. Why should this family expect people to put up with their child's noise and anxiety attacks?
Kudos to the Race family for sticking by their son and choosing to keep him in the home instead of institutionalizing him. But they should not expect the world to make allowances for their son's behavior if it makes people feel unsafe or annoyed. The Race faimily needs to understand that their son's condition may require them to make sacrifices and excuse themselves from events when he is not able to cope.
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AUTISTIC BOY VOTED OUT OF CLASS
By NBC News Channel
A Port St. Lucie, Florida mother says her five-year-old special needs son was voted out of his classroom by his peers at the behest of the teacher.
Five-year-old Alex Barton will be starting his summer vacation early.
His mother doesn't want him to to return to school after what allegedly happened in class at Morningside Elementary Wednesday afternoon.
"I'll never be able to send him to school again without worrying if something is going to happen," said Melissa Barton.
She admits he's had behavior problems, and can be difficult at times, and says he's undergoing tests to determine if he suffers from Autism or other disorders.
Barton claims a Wednesday incident pushed the lines of discipline into the realm of abuse.
"She took him and stood him in front of his classmates this week, asked every single child to tell Alex why we don't like him, in his words, tell Alex why we hate him," she explained.
After having each child ridicule the boy, she says the teacher continued belittling him.
"Then they had a vote on if he deserved to stay in the class or not," said Barton.
Like a twisted reality show, Barton says in a 14-2 vote, his classmates voted the five-year-old out of the classroom.
"I never thought she would subject my child to such mental abuse," she said.
Barton filed complaints with the Department of Children and Families and police.
After conferring with the State Attorney's office, police found no grounds for charges, but the school district is investigating the incident and these teaching practices.
Barton suspects other students may have suffered as well.
"If other parents who have this teacher or have had this teacher, come forward talk to your kids because this is wrong," Barton said.
The St. Lucie County school district is investigating the incident and released a statement Tuesday morning that reads:
"Ms. Portillo (the teacher) has been reassigned outside of the classroom at the district offices until any further action may be determined."
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More here: http://www.parentdish.com/2008/05/27/students-vote-autistic-5-year-old-out-of-class/?icid=1615984945x1203153423x1200308208 (OMG, how cute is this little devil?)
It's hard enough raising kids who speak a different emotional language than we do without having to worry about the world's discrimination. For a more hopeful take on AspieWorld, check out the awesome New York Magazine article here:
http://www.nymag.com/news/features/47225
Karen
Parent of 1 Aspie, 1 Maybe,
& Wife of An Amazing Aspie
http://www.poorlydrawntheatre.com (<--Aspie hubby's hilariously weird cartoons!)
The young man may not violent to the extent that we normally think of as violence when the object of aggressive behavior is a younger healthy adult but , but if that person is older or a child a simple push that affects their balance can be extremely threatening.
The there is the effective of disruptive behavior even noise on other parishioners' ability to engage in a religious worship in the manner they think is appropriate. Attending Sunday Mass is more than a religious obligation for many Catholics. It is a time to contemplate and meditate on their own lives and their relationship with their God. Even disruptive toddlers can interfere with this, which is what many churches have set aside quiet rooms where parents take disruptive children if they act up during church services and when this is not available why some parents simply remove their children and themselves from the building if they cannot get a child to behave.
Has this boy's mother explored or tried alternatives other than tying the fleece strip to his wrists or has she placed her ability to worship in a manner she sees saw fit above the need of other parishioners and perhaps of need of other parishioners to teach their own children what is appropriate behavior in church, because all the young children is an older boy who is allowed to do what they are not supposed do.
Dealing with someone with impaired mental facilities can be difficult but not necessarily impossible, In her later years when my mother's mental faculties were deteriorating she for some time clung to the idea that despite her physical difficulties she had to remove herself from the pew and go up to the alter to receive communion. I was her primary caregiver at the time and it took more than one talk with a priest and my insistence to convince her that having communion brought to her in the pew was acceptable to her God. It was not until it was extremely difficult for me to get her to church that and her frustration with with her inability to follow the Mass had resulted in frequent disruptive behavior which other parishioners objected particularly the rarer but audible swearing, that we were able to convince her that she was not required to attend church every Sunday.