asperger family situation

our family is experiencing a difficult situation.  and i'm not sure what to do about it.  i have aspergers.

 my grandson has been diagnosed with aspergers for several years. he is now 13.  he's been living with his aunt and uncle for two years, primarily because we have younger children in the home and they are also special needs children.  he was not a good role model because he exhibits poor social judgments, is very impulsive.  it's almost as if he thinks he is living in a comic book scenario.  he acts out situations that he has thought are funny to see what will happen.  sometimes this can get somewhat dangerous and he has been suspended from school three instances in the last few months just because of that type of thing.  also, he is likely to have ADHD issues, OCD issues, and was diagnosed with features of oppositional behavior.  we love him but the issues are very difficult.

my youngest grandson has been diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder and we are noticing that there are similarities between his behavior and his older brother's behavior at this age.  he is 6.

my granddaughter is 7 and she has diabetes.  so schedules are very important.  she has some of the characteristics of aspergers such as sensory difficulties, lack of social judgment, but it might not rise to the level of a diagnosis, might be shadow traits.

the aunt and uncle do not have children.  they are liberal rather than authoritarian in philosophy.  we think he needs more structure because we feel that this would benefit him.  the aunt and uncle may have to make a change too, since the uncle is attending medical school and he might have to move away next year and she might have to do the parenting by herself.  so the aunt and uncle are saying that my grandson might have to come home. 

while my grandson wants to come home, we do not think he will re-integrate back into the household successfully and we must address the needs of the younger grandchildren too.  we have him at home during summer vacation, but we see that the household has to practically revolve around his needs when he is here.  my grandson knows about this aspect but seems to be unable to change his behavior.

this is why we are trying to figure out what to do.

we are thinking of possibly a residential school or foster care.  we haven't found many resources around this area.  we live in the pacific northwest.  i have looked at therapeutic residential schools but the tuition is very stiff and they are located quite a distance from here.  i seem to be able to only find a few therapeutic residential schools in the united states.

if you can think of anything that might help, we are open to ideas.  it is very hard for us and we are in uncharted territory.   we have asked the professionals that we know and the silence is resounding at this point.  a couple of the professionals that were involved with him several years ago predicted that we would get to this point when he was diagnosed.  we are not "giving up" on him but we feel that he needs a very structured living situation and his impact on the younger children is quite devastating.  we feel we might have a chance with the younger two "passing" as normal as they grow to adulthood.