lacking empathy?

When I google aspergers DSM, I get the following:

The essential features of Asperger's Disorder are:
Criterion A. Severe and sustained impairment in social interaction
Criterion B. The development of restricted, repetitive patterns of
behaviour, interests, and activities
Criterion C. The disturbance must cause clinically significant impairment
in social, occupational, or other important areas of
functioning.
Criterion D. In contrast to Autistic Disorder, there are no clinically
significant delays in language (eg: single words are used
by age 2 years, communicative phrases are used by age 3
years).
Criterion E. There are no clinically significant delays in cognitive
development or in the development of age-appropriate
self-help skills, adaptive behaviour (other than in social
interaction), and curiosity about the environment in
childhood.
Criterion F. The diagnosis is not given if the criteria are met
for any other specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or
for Schizophrenia.

There is a great deal more information on the same page:

http://web.syr.edu/~rjkopp/data/as_diag_list.html

I don't think the lack of empathy is akin to the lack of empathy in a sociopath because there are other characteristics that work in concert with the lack of empathy in each disorder.

People with aspie children have told me that lack of empathy is an issue but my only personal experience has been with children with severe autism.

My 22 daughter is an "Aspie " as you say , and she calls her self that as well. She is definately lacking in empathy most of the time . Once in a while she will supprise me , when I am in really bad pain and say , " poor you " . You asked the question "if the dsm actually says that asperger people lack empathy. " Aspergers syndrome is not a psychiatric disorder it is a neurological one . People with Aspergers syndrome can be taught many things that they are lacking. The things I would assume should be common sense to my daughter are not. However once I explain certain things then she is able to learn , and try to implement that . However if I fail to communicate what I want to teach her, if just can't relate , then she doesn't learn it . I went to this web site to see what they had to say . The commonly described clinical features of the syndrome include:
1. paucity of empathy; (which means lacking in empathy ) http://www.med.yale.edu/chldstdy/autism/asdiagnosis.html#social This seems to be a good site , but there are however many good sites on this subject . Of course we know that all Aspies present differently !

I felt the same as you, until I did some personality tests. I thought I was very empathetic--I see myself as sensitive to others. Well, I have almost zero empathy (I am an Aspie fyi). However, I am married & even have children. My husband said I do lack empathy & that is difficult at times. However, I do have sympathy & compassion. A therapist once made that point to me--autistics often lack empathy...but not sympathy. That helped me make sense of things. Plus, as you & I are older, we have life experience. So, how our empathy and/or sympathy was as a toddler or child, who can say. We have learned either by rote or truly by feeling, how to express sympathy & possibly empathy.

I work everyday to make sure I'm not being too blunt or cruel--it is hard work. I walk a fine line of being myself & not being plain rude. I don't have many friends, yet I am satisfied with my life. My husband is most likely an Aspie as well, so I suppose that helps.

What you said, about helping others, I have that in common. Even when I was younger, I remember my siblings coming to me for advice & it continues. People, even strangers sometimes, will open up to me. I think, especially those who know me, feel safe in doing so. They know I'm not going to break down or get so emotionally involved in their 'confession' or problem, etc. They see I remain calm & can stay uninvolved (with regard to feelings), I can think (probably) more clear than others. I hope, too, I give better advice--more logical perhaps? Anyway, I have found that others prefer to come to me--I think I am less judgemental & again, having sympathy & compassion, but not empathy, seems to be a strength in at those times. Sorry I've rambled on...hope I've helped some?

A few things I found from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy :
"In contrast, psychopaths are seemingly able to demonstrate the appearance of sensing the emotions of others with such a theory of mind, often demonstrating care and friendship in a convincing manner, and can use this ability to charm or manipulate, but they crucially lack the sympathy or compassion that empathy often leads to. "

"A common source of confusion in analyzing the interactions between empathy and ASD is that the apparent lack of empathy may mask at least two other underlying causes:

Excessive sensitivity or "overwhelm," may be a cause of early learned suppression.
Failure to demonstrate empathy can arise from inability (or not knowing how) to express empathy to others, as opposed to difficulty feeling it internally "