Do people feign seizures to avoid having to hear your latest poem? Do you like to inflict your personal pain and miserable lack of a love life on total strangers? Are you alone because you made your last love interest listen to your poems? Do you sound like Doctor Suess or use archaic language like a character out of Shakespeare? Addicted to rhyming couplets about your grandkids or cat? Have I got a group for you!
Are you without any real influences? Too busy creating works of art to actually read any poetry by award winning poets? Who needs influences right? Screw them!
A legitimate poetry journal would throw their presses in the sea before they published any of your drivel but you still feel compelled to put a copyright at the bottom of each horrible poem you write so no one will steal it and turn it into a major motion picture and rob you of millions of dollars. Good call. You don't want to wake up and find your poem being credited to someone else on Oprah.
The editors of The Atlantic Monthly and Quarterly West may not recognize what an amazing talent you are but I do. You can publish your ponderous, sing songy, laughingly personal, or trite poems in Your Poetry Sucks!
"Just OK" "Pretty good" and "Excellent actually" poems accepted too, as long as you don't make a big showy habit of sounding good.
Face it. Your poetry sucks. Join now and end the denial.
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Comments: 27
No, no, not I
On Gather I dodge it
I need not deny.
SUe B that could win poem of the month....
The days are short and I am to
I wish I was tall and be like you
If i am a mijit and you are frijit
can we still have babys and name them wigit
if we do have wigits
will they have digits
or will my adickshun
cause wigits afflicshun
When they grow up I will by them shews
So they won't get nails in there toes like yous
and if they are short just like me
i'll by them a weenee so they can pee
And when they grow up and we are old
will have grand wigits to have and hold
so hurry and up and let me know
if you want my babys and watch them grow
At least I KNOW I'm bad, right from the start. I never pretend to be anything but.
You're probably passable too then Ina. The absolute worst poets have no idea they stink on ice, they think they are naturally gifted, don't need to waste time reading anthologies of the years best and everytime they stick in their thumb they pull out a plum. A bad poet doesn't know it...
They'd never for a second think they would possibly fit in this category. But how to coax them in?
What's the worst that can happen? Someone says your poem was "a derivitive and rambling example of a teenage suicide threat?" or starts grilling you about your favorite poets (that you don't have) thinks you lack subtlety, sound inflated, or just types HAHAHAHAHAHA after your post? So what?
Not to mention, it doesn't have to "suck" to be included. If you ARE a gifted poet (like Andrea Grenadier who I'd probably limit to one post per decade so she doesn't discourage everyone) you can still post in this ironically and tragically hip group and show everyone your "mad skillz."
Stefania, I stopped by for a read. Irony? No. Deadly serious.
from the pen of me,
for a poetess
i was not meant to be...LOL
The pressure is off to sound "good" "smart" or "artsy" sierra. Post your most wretched, lousy poets will cheer!
Lesli, he was doing it on purpose
There is great power in collective awfulness Derek
I would support the establishment of a poetry tribunal.
We'd need a gather contest to select qualified gather poets (how many are there? 5? 7?) Only editors of legitimate poetry journals could vote on entries. Winners would comprise gather security squads and do routine forum sweeps. Offenders would sent to a Guantanamo type facility where they would be waterboarded and forced to read Elizabeth Bishop, Lola Haskins, Collins, Plath, Kooser, and criticism by Harold Bloom and the like until it made some kind of impression on them.
I'm nice to my mom too. ;)