Last Breath

Waves crash over me

Salty blue water chokes

Arms and legs treading

Head back trying to stay afloat

Gulping for air

Ocean tosses this rag doll

Looking through water's window pane

Sun shining high above

Reach to feel its warmth

Cold below pulls me back

Waiting to swallow me up

I hear the engine of a plane approaching

Waving my arms in futility

As the plane continues to fly by

I'm just a speck of white

In this vast sea of blue

As I breathe my last breath

And slowly fall

To my resting place below

Comments: 13

Kathryn E. Nov 20, 2006, 8:09pm EST

Oh, how sad - beautiful but sad...

reply to this comment

T B. Nov 20, 2006, 8:36pm EST

Oh this is great too! I can imagine being sucked into that vast blue ocean and being smacked around unable to make it to shore.... It says so much about so many different scenarios. You nailed it!

reply to this comment

Edward Nudelman Nov 20, 2006, 8:53pm EST

Laurie, I will paddle up in a row boat and pluckyou out! This is a visceral poem of displacement. Keep treading water dear girl... dog paddle if necessary.

reply to this comment

Heather B. Nov 20, 2006, 9:16pm EST

Oh my! A beautifully crafted poem but the underlying message is alarming. I hope you can sort through your deep feelings..... then write another poem of triumph..... The yin and the yang....balance. In all things, there is a counter-balance. :0)

reply to this comment

Shawn "left this place" W Nov 20, 2006, 9:35pm EST

Hang in there, Laurie. There's more than one plane.

reply to this comment

Nic P. Nov 21, 2006, 9:39am EST

I like the line "ocean tosses this rag doll"

Very nice work Laurie

reply to this comment

d g. Nov 21, 2006, 12:55pm EST

Kinda' spooky some how with terror and plight thrown in. I like it!

reply to this comment

Laurie White Nov 22, 2006, 5:33pm EST

Thanks for all the nice comments, everyone.

Ah Ed, I knew I could count on you!

reply to this comment

Laurie White Nov 26, 2006, 11:25pm EST

Thanks, Jill!

Lost Soul, I was actually thinking that same thing, that it would give away the ending. Unfortunately I could not for the life of me come up with anything else when I wrote it that I felt fit the piece. I'll have to work harder next time. Thanks so much for your comments!

reply to this comment

John F Walter Nov 28, 2006, 3:17am EST

Really powerful poem that captures metaphorically and literally the death throes of this experience. The title is perfect and captures the fear in the poem without giving the suspense away: As always, I disagree contundently with whatever Lost Soul has to say, in whatever incarnation he takes, with whatever modification he wishes to make to a poem he wishes was his. And even he really liked this poem, though he couldn't resist wanting to appropriate it and change it: That's why he's truly a "lost soul."
First rate, Laurie. Above all, for getting that helpless, impotent feeling of having to surrender to the greater sea.

reply to this comment

Laura M. Nov 28, 2006, 3:33am EST

This is how I became a mermaid......I decided to swim in the currents and not let them toss me around and when it gets too busy in the breathing worlds, I just submerge for a temporary metamorphosis instead of the final swim I once fantasized about.....luckily I don't like to go into dark mysteries alone and decided to select a few stars to always hover above me, keeping me comfortably merged between worlds and gratefully bouyant in any emotional tide. I loved this piece, Laurie...the tension had me donning fins to rescue, but then I realized that this feeling taught me how to paint volcanoes exploding over cascading waves....and I am almost glad that I tested braving the waters on the other side and found them too painfully cold and came up for sunshine and air.

reply to this comment

Granny Janny H. Dec 31, 2006, 1:46am EST

The window pane is genius. I feel as I have experienced this. I think it is the universal dream of drowning poem and you have captured it and buried it at the same time. I wouldn't change a word.

reply to this comment

Shelbia C. Jun 21, 2009, 10:00pm EDT

This is quite beautiful

reply to this comment

Comments: 13

Join the Conversation

You might also like

More by Laurie White