Plea from the Battered - a poem

Jann, I really like this. It shows you've put a lot of time into this poem. The meter is very well regulated, with iambic beats (every other beat weighted) and you seem to have a a four beat line followed by a three beat line (tetrameter going to trimeter).. even though you have more than 10 and 8 words respectively. Sorry to get all technical, but the reason I bring it up is that although the meter may be very tight and you really did a marvelous job with it, I can't help but think that the poem would be better served if you mixed it up a bit. The reason is, when you read it out loud, you kind of get that singy-song sound, like da dah da da dah da da dah da da dah (where the emphasis is on the dahs...). Anyway enough with meter. The words and the symbolism here are compelling, and please don't worry too much about the meter, although it might be something you can play around with. Thanks for posting to Writing Essentials.

I'm crying as I read this. My best friend was a victim of a murder-suicide by her husband, as were her two teenage boys. It has been ten years since her death. This would have been her cry...had she lived to go off to a new life.

This is a wonderful poem and the subject is an important one, and those that get out of the trap before it is too late are fortunate. Some do not. Great work.

oh for crying out loud! Apparently I am more tired than I thought! Should not take 3 attempts to fix a typo!

while I can see what Ed means in his comments re: the metre (yes,we are Canadian, as a matter of fact!) .... I kind of like it - it contributes to an overall hopefullness for that someday ....

too many works about victims of abuse offer little hope. This one does, and I thank you for it....

Am going to feature it in Canadian Writers, btw

A solid poem about experiences that take on more life even as we try to move on.

Thanks Ed, I do know what you mean and I was sort of aware of that as the poem was being written. That first line really started the sing-song metre but it had its hooks in me and wouldn't let go. To some extent this poem wrote itself.

I will see what I can do about creating a different version and ask for you to comment again if I manage to get it re-worked.

Thank-you Elsie, Lauralee and Sara.

Great, teachable spirit!

I think you did one incredible job. I can't speak from a technical standpoint, but I can speak from the heart. God Bless You.

this is a beautiful poem

This is beautiful and full of hope Jann. Thank you for sharing.

knowing both the hero and the villain of this story, and the victory - the sing- song is well deserved. Oh shout for glee! and sing your heart out!

knowing both the hero and the villain of this story, and the victory - the sing- song is well deserved. Oh shout for glee! and sing your heart out!

Beautifully written, Jann.

Thank you all my friends. :-)

How very touching and sensitive. This should be posted in all safe houses for the residents and workers to read!

I like this. I like the hope. I wish the hope for everyone of us. Thank you for sharing.

Very moving. If it is autobiographical, I salute you for your courage.

Thank-you, Judith, Margy and Dianne.

Yes Dianne, it is my story. Time and my much-loved present husband have done a lot to erase the 27 years of misery. The ex-husband died 3 years ago and that finally allowed me to stop looking over my shoulder. He never quite understood that I wanted to have nothing more to do with him. I think he had a negative impact on every life he touched.

I like Ed´s comment very much here, Jann. This poem contains real compassion, as well as a sense of hope for those in the terrible condition of this vicious cycle of battered/returning to familiar toxic circumstances/hurt by those who should love them.
It speaks of self-care and protecting the self by setting boundaries and only trusting those who nurture instead of wound. A poem that addresses the redress of hurt.

wonderful peom I am so glad you have your life back and that you are safe.