Dark Corners

Chapter 1 

“Happy people” I thought with great disdain as I glanced around the bar. Small independent groups of college students and regulars were happily chatting unaware of my existence. I settled into my usual back corner booth and the bartender brought over my drink without having to order it. We made the obligatory small talk before he departed back to his position behind the bar. I thought ‘There was a time I enjoyed this’. It has become so hard to remember in the recent months, but I believe one time I would have fit in with the other people who were happily laughing and drinking away the stress of their day. At one time I used to come here with a group very similar to the ones I now looked at with scorn; a group of my friends. Not anymore. Now there was only one. Me.

‘I must not dwell’ my voice rang through my thoughts. It would not do to linger in the past when the present offered plenty to cope with. Tonight, however, was not for coping… it was for drinking I reminded myself. I let my mind carry me away. Back to when things were good, when the world was black and white and not so many shades of gray. I remembered what it was like to be happy, though now the thought rang as hollow and empty in my mind as a dream. I remembered when people used to enjoy being around me before they found my presence unsettling. How we would laugh and joke about nothing at all. My smile always came so easily then. How many times I did I take that gregarious smile for granted. It never occurred to me that things could, or better yet would, be different. I always assumed life would just work out. Bad things did not happen to people like me; they happened to other people… people who were asking for it. I suppose I was one of those people whom others would see as “asking for it”. I no longer tried to be friendly or socially acceptable. I no longer forced a smile; most of the time I did not even respond to direct questions since I was no longer certain of what was real. It was best to treat everything as a figment of my imagination until proven otherwise. Everywhere I looked, I saw conspiracy and evil, people waiting for the opportunity to stab each other in the back under pretense of friendship. How could goodness survive in a world like this? By fortitude, perseverance, and protecting itself, I thought with what little determination I had left in my soul.

Some poor bastard was making his way towards my table. Obviously clueless to the emotional black hole that was my life. I watched him approach my table with a detached interest.

“Hello.”

I did not look at this idiot instead I blinked slowly staring straight ahead as if he did not exist making no indication that I had heard him.

“I’m going to have a seat here.” He said as he sat down at my table. “I’ve seen you here before. You are always alone. Why is that?”

I sighed deeply. I fought a short battle in my mind about how to proceed. Should I talk to him and attempt civility. Or should I ignore him until he leaves. I tried the latter of the two first. However, this man had more determination than I could muster. He did not try to speak to me any further. He just sat there and looked at me until I felt unsettled. Finally, I gave up.

“Look, I am not here to meet people. I just want to have my drink without being bothered.”

“I am here to meet people and right now I want to meet you.”

“Do I look like I want to have a conversation?” I said without looking at him.

 “Not at all… but don’t worry, I have a way of changing people’s minds. I am a doctor. I just moved into the area…”

“I bet this normally works on all the girls. Look, I appreciate that you are a “Good Samaritan” but I do not need your help… or your conversation. What I really want is to be left alone. So do us both a favor and leave.”

“As I said I have seen you at this bar before. I decided tonight I would find out why a pretty girl like you is always sitting in the corner looking surly.”

I closed my eyes in response to his probing questions. Feeling irritation and bitterness starting to take hold, I wanted this person to leave me to my own thoughts more than anything else… well more than almost anything else.

“Was this a bet? Can I help you win it so you will leave me alone? I am tired. I don’t have the energy to deal with you.”

He looked at me for a few moments “Ok…”

“You’re leaving?”

“No. I just was wondering what was making you so tired. Thinking out loud, really.”

 I looked in his eyes. They were painfully caring, which at the moment I found exceedingly annoying. I decided that the only to truly get rid of him would be to talk since being bitchy only seemed to encourage further conversation and meaningful looks.  “What’s your name?”

“Ahhh a moment of civility. I feel honored.” He teased “It’s Grant.”

“Grant? That figures.” I said under my breath but pushed on before he could comment “Well Grant, I am tired. I have problems at home… in a manner of speaking. They keep me from sleeping. This time…right now, that I have here, alone, is my only silver lining in what would otherwise be an unbearable day. Right now is the only time I have to be at peace. So why are you ruining it?”

“Husband? Boyfriend?”

After rolling my eyes as deliberately as possible, I answered the question “If I say yes will I be less interesting to you?”

“Roommate?”

“How much longer do you expect me to answer your questions?”

Grant chose to ignore my open hostility. “You have yet to answer any questions. What kind of problems at home are you having?”

“Don’t you think that is a bit personal when you don’t even know my name.”

“Now that could be remedied very easily.”

“Frances”

“Frances?”

“Yeah…”

“Hey Ella, you ready for another beautiful?” The bartender interrupted, ruining my perfectly executed farce.

I answered with a nod.

“Your name is not Frances…Ella.”

“How very perceptive of you.”

“Well now since I know your name and we are friends, what kind of problems are you having living alone?”

I thought for a moment contemplating the consequences of telling him the truth. “I didn’t tell you I live alone…and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you the truth.”

“Try me?”

“What kind of doctor are you?”

“I do a little bit of everything.”

“Maybe that’s why. I could just like a challenge. Stop avoiding my questions.”

I didn’t notice that someone else was approaching my table until they were standing in front of it. I looked up at the person who seemed terribly blurry probably from the smoke in the bar and/or the alcohol I had consumed throughout the day. I looked at the person through one eye until she came into focus. It was someone who used to be my friend.

“Hello Susan.”

“Joe thought you might need a ride El”

“Awfully considerate of both of you.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” I said as I slid out of the booth. I looked back at Grant once I stood up and steadied myself. “You are amazingly pushy. It’s been real.”

“I’ll see you soon.” He said with an amazing amount of self-confidence.

I followed Susan to her car in silence. After a few moments Susan broke the silence.

“You can stay with us tonight if you want.”

“Why? That would be pointless, especially when this is all in my imagination… right Susan?” I asked with a smile that held no humor or hint of teasing.

“Ella, I don’t want to fight. You can stay with me or I will take you home.”

“Take me home.”

We rode all the way to my house in silence. As I got out of the car, Susan said to me.

“It doesn’t have to be like this Ella…”

“Really Susan? How does it have to be?”

“There are still people that care about you. There are people that can help you.”

 “I don’t want your help Susan or the kind of help you think I need. I am not crazy. I know perfectly well, what has happened and what you think I did. Do yourself a favor…stay away from me.” Cold, hard anger flashing in my eyes.

“Ella be reasonable. Reconsider the hospital they could help. With all the stress of losing Danny anyone would need a break… to get out of that house”

I rubbed my hands hard over my face trying to ebb some of the frustration and anger that was threatening to emerge. “For the last time Susan I am not sick. I am not crazy. I know exactly what happened. I don’t care if you believe me… And for Christ’s sake, I did not lose Danny. He is…was not a puppy, I know exactly where he is, I buried him.”

“Ella…”

She was too late, I had already turned and was headed towards the pretty Victorian house that had become my own personal hell. When I opened the door I heard Susan’s car drive away. I rarely even bothered locking my front door anymore. I told myself I welcomed an intruder to come in and put me out of my misery. Much like me, the house scared the hell out of other people. Most of the people in this town believed the house was cursed or that I killed my husband. Either way I was stuck here, in the house that killed my only family. I thought about leaving but I couldn’t. This was Danny’s legacy. I had to stay to figure out what happened. It was the least I could do for Danny.

            I walked into the house and almost immediately felt goose bumps spread up and down my arms. I was being watched. I was sure of that, though I hadn’t yet figured out who or what was doing the watching. I could feel deep in my gut that I was not alone in this house. Part of me selfishly wished my husband was the one haunting me, but it wasn’t. It is the same way I felt the first day we looked at the house, when I told Danny that I didn’t want to live here. He called me silly “This house has been in my family for generations.” he said with such enthusiasm. It was all he had left of his family. The house was a large and imposing Victorian mansion with a lovely view. The stained glassed windows were exquisite and the lawn was perfectly manicured. I had tried my best to feel comfortable in the beautiful house, but the uneasy feeling lingered in the pit of my stomach from the moment I set foot in the house. I had never been in such an oppressive space. It felt as if the walls were closing in on me. Not long after we moved in and started renovations strange things started to happen.

I am, however, getting ahead of myself. I was brought harshly back to reality by the knocking sound. I sat on my couch for a moment trying to decipher if it was the house or real. Finally, as it persisted, I risked being wrong and checked the door. Slowly opening it, I was relieved to see someone I pretended to hate. Honestly, I was just relieved to see anyone at all. I opened the door all the way.

“Detective Troy this could be considered harassment.”

            Detective Troy was the officer in charge of Danny’s case. Ever since he investigated me for Danny’s murder, he had been making periodic stops by my house. I was never entirely certain of his purpose in stopping here. He always seemed uncomfortable to do so. Normally his brash, pushy ways irritated me, but then again almost everything irritated me now. Tonight was no exception I was in no state to defend myself from the probing eyes of the police.

“I saw the light on, I thought I would stop by and check on you.”

“Perhaps checking if I am ready to confess? Why are you in my neighborhood, are you staking out my house?”

“Should I be?” He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, but he seemed to dismiss the notion as quickly as he had adopted it. “I am just checking if everything is ok.”

“That would be a matter of one’s perception, wouldn’t it?” Detective Troy looked at me as if he were in no mood to play games either “Everything here is much as it ever is.” He didn’t seem satisfied by this explanation as he peered past me into the house. “By all means come in Detective Troy, I have nothing to hide.”

The detective walked into the house his steady eyes scanning the room.

“Do you mind if I have a look around?”

“Not at all, I will wait here for you.” I said as I took a seat in an over stuffed chair. After a couple minutes he came back into the room.

“Everything seems clear, I will be on my way.” Though before he turned all the way around he turned back to me and handed me his card “Call me. If anything happens, anything at all”

I gave him a half wave, half salute and closed the door behind him. I turned back and looked at my uninviting house. I rolled my eyes and headed for the stairs, when I heard another knock on the door. I went back to answer it my feet feeling very heavy. I assumed Detective Troy had forgotten something. I swung the door open wide with my best annoyed look on my face, but there was no one there. I peeked out on the porch and found nothing. I thought to myself ‘I should really be used to this by now’ but that didn’t stop the overwhelmingly creepy feeling that swept through my body.

When I closed the door again, I felt an almost irresistible urge to pass out. I wanted, no I needed, one night that I was not awoke in the middle of the night by bad dreams, strange noises, or uneasy feelings. The only way I was able to get sleep was by medicating myself or drinking excessively. Every night I went to bed with the hope of waking up the following morning and finding all of this a very bad dream. A deplorable dream that I could tell Danny about, but everyday I woke up in the same hell I went to sleep in. Neighbors and friends avoiding me, all of them were seeing blood on my hands. My occupation seemed to seal my guilt in their minds; writing horror novels at one time gave me a certain amount of celebrity in the town, but now just seemed like elaborate planning. No one wanted to hear my stories of strange occurrences assuming they were all clever tales to divert attention from the murder I committed in my own home. Not to mention, I wasn’t one of them. I was an outsider… and without Danny, I didn’t have a go between. Whoever who said small towns have the nicest people in the world had obviously never been a stranger in one.

Recently, I had been musing the idea of straying from my normal fictional writings to take a dive into true crime. I could write our story, the story I knew to be true that I couldn’t convince anyone else to hear. I found it comforting that I could write the story exactly how it happened. At least I did until ‘before it takes me as well’ floated through my mind. Ever since the morning I found Danny I knew it was getting him out of the way. What it wanted was me, it always wanted me and now I was tired. Too tired to fight it much longer. I had to tell the story… for Danny.