Things That Never Happened On Star Trek

I think this one of the funniest things I seen about Star Trek in a long time. A friend e-mail this to me.


1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a  
type it has encountered several times before.  

2. The Enterprise visits a remote outpost of scientists,  
who are all perfectly all right.  

3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works  
properly.  

4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life-  
form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old  
life form wearing a funny hat.  

5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious  
plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-  
stocked Enterprise sick-bay.  

6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a  
less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by  
the Starfleet Prime Directive.  

7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from  
one place to another without serious incident.  

8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to  
interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out  
that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.  

9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly  
diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and  
competent engineering staff.  

10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien  
intelligence which does not put them on trial.  

11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien  
intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some  
chocolate.  

12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called  
"Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. How-  
ever, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it  
seems.  

13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the  
Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area  
are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.  

14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp ex-  
perience which is in some way unconnected with the Late  
20th Century.  

15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet  
he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the  
end of the episode.  

16. Counselor Troi states something other than the  
blindingly obvious.  

17. The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort  
themselves out after a while without any intervention from  
boy genius Wesley Crusher.  

18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position  
for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of  
one in three sentences that anyone says to him.