Little Girl Lost ( Revised)

“Carrie?”

“Carrie, did you hear me?” Tara asked, gently nudging her daughter in the shoulder to get the child's attention. She was concerned finding Carrie lying on her bed staring wide-eyed daydreaming, again.

“ Huh?” Carrie asked, suddenly being pulled back into reality.

“ I said , its time for you to get cleaned up. We are having company over for dinner tonight.”

“ Okay mommy. Who's coming over?”

“ Aunt Niki and the kids........and Carrie, I really wish you would find something better to do with your time. It isn't healthy for a 10 year old girl to stay locked away in her bedroom all day reading and daydreaming. Girls your age need sunshine and fresh air. Why don't you go outside and make some new friends. I see kids in the neighborhood about your age all the time. I know the move has been hard sweetie. But, its gonna be great, you just have to give it a chance.” Tara suggested as she left Carrie's room, and headed for the kitchen to get started on preparations for the nights dinner.

She often wondered what exactly it was Carrie spent all her time daydreaming about. It worried her sometimes how withdrawn Carrie had become since her father bailed on them two years ago, and the recent move had only made matters worse. Sometimes Tara found herself wishing Tim was still around, but he hadn't had much to do with them since he ran off with his secretary. It had been a bitter divorce. Tim got the house, and in exchange she got sole custody of Carrie. All Carrie got from her father were the measly child support payments that show up in the mail every month. Some father he turned out to be. It was difficult being a single working mother, but she was managing. Thank god for Niki, her sister has been a real help to her through all of this mess. They were finally getting their lives back on track, all except for Carrie's solitude. Maybe it was just a phase, and she would outgrow it. It will pass, Tara thought.

Carrie loved spending time with her cousins, and Aunt Niki. It was the only time she really wanted to play anymore. She missed her daddy. She missed her old house, and her friends, even more. The new house was okay, it was a lot smaller than Carrie was used to. But, she did like her new room. It was upstairs, almost the whole top floor, aside from the bathroom. She had a bay window that overlooked the front street. Sometimes Carrie would sit there and watch the neighborhood kids play ball. But, most of the time that was her favorite reading spot. She been reading a lot of books lately, especially on her new favorite subject, Astral Projection. Carrie was glad dinner was over and Aunt Niki and the kids went home. She was ready to be alone again. She hurriedly donned her favorite nightgown, white, that fell to her ankles, with pink lace trim on the neck and sleeves. She turned down her cover, and slid into bed. Carrie flipped on the over head reading lamp, and grabbed her favorite book that lay hidden just underneath her pillow.

Tara awoke to the alarm buzzing in her ears, and hit the snooze button, she'd thought. She had accidentally turned it off and had overslept, now they were going to be running late. She hurriedly dressed in her waitress's uniform and readied herself for another grueling day at the diner. Carrie would be late for school if she did not pick up the pace a bit.

Tara quickly went upstairs to wake Carrie. Carrie's bedside lamp was still on, and she was sitting up in her bed, staring wide-eyed at her when she entered her room.

“ Carrie, get up and get dressed. You're going to be late for school, and I am going to be late for work. Bob said if I was late one more time he was going to fire me. Hurry.”

Tara said as she pulled a light pink dress from a clothes hanger in Carrie's closet, and dug through the carpeted floor to find her matching pink sandals . “ Carrie?” No answer.

“Carrie,....did you.....”

She turned to look at Carrie, pink cloth and shoes falling to the floor with a thud, as she rushed to her daughter's bedside. “Carrie!!!”

“ Ms. Sanders?” the doctor interrupted Tara's frantic pacing, which she had been doing for hours since arriving with Carrie at the ER.

“Yes,..?” Tara said , turning to face the doctor, wiping at her tear stained cheeks.

“ Ms. Sanders, I have good news, and bad news. We have done every single test known to man. There is nothing medically wrong with your daughter. All her vital functions are perfect. According to these test results, she's a perfectly healthy 10 year old. Yet, she is still unresponsive. She isn't responding to external stimuli, light, sound, or even touch. She does not blink, talk, or move. She remains in a vegetative state.”

“ What?... So your telling me you have no idea what is wrong with her?” Tara wasn't sure she was understanding what was being told to her.

“ Well, yes, and no ma'am. I am telling you there is nothing medically wrong with Carrie. But, I do have an idea of what her problem may be. Has she ever had a psychiatric evaluation, or recently been under the care of a psychiatrist?”

“ What!? Are you saying my daughter's crazy?! That this is all in her head or she's pretending?!” Tara could not believe her ears. She knew things had been rough for them lately, but there was nothing wrong with Carrie. She was a perfectly normal girl. What the hell was he talking about!?

“ I am sorry ma'am, I was not trying to insult you. I am trying to tell you that myself, or any one else here at this hospital can not help your daughter. She needs to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. I have already called ahead and made arrangements. They are on the way to transport her now. This is a highly reputable facility, and they specialize in conditions such as Carrie's. They should be arriving shortly. I am sorry, but, they will better be able to help your daughter.”

And with that the doctor was gone, leaving Tara staring bewildered after him.

A psychiatric hospital? Tara felt her world was beginning to spin violently out of control.

Carrie had stood helpless, watching her panic-stricken mother as she'd carried her body downstairs to the car and drove away. She'd tried to tell her not to cry, that she was okay. She was right there beside her, holding her hand, and trying to comfort her. But her mother could not hear or feel her. She stood now staring out her window, waiting.

Carrie had been practicing astral projection for months now. She loved the feeling of freedom it gave her. A peace she had never known came over her as she explored the astral world. Each time she would travel further, to explore the great cities of times past, and farther beyond the stars and the planets into the great abyss of darkness and light. She loved to fly to the moon, and turn and gaze upon the earth, or soar along the oceans, and watch the dolphins follow her below the water's surface. Each time she was able to return to her body. This time, Carrie had strayed to far, stayed away too long. She found her body, but had been unable to reunite with it. She was trapped outside, her soul suspended in another dimension.

It had been two years since Carrie had developed her condition. Carrie had spent a year in the psych ward. The doctors had given up after months of different therapies and medications had failed to improve Carrie's condition. They had wanted to send her to a convalescent, but Tara had refused, and took Carrie home. She had to quit her job at the diner, and found part time work at a local drug store in the evenings. Niki cared for Carrie while Tara was working, Tim had only seen her once, and never came back. Although, he had been paying Carrie's medical bills. Tara would be in a world of trouble if he hadn't. She could barely keep a roof over their heads. It had been an endless nightmare for almost a year now. She thought she would go over the edge when doctors told her Carrie needed a feeding tube inserted. It was heart wrenching to watch her day in and day out just lying there, with her eyes wide open, always staring, never blinking, never moving, nothing. Tara had a hard time coping, and had been seeing a therapist herself. He prescribed her antidepressants. Although they didn't seem to help her mood much, she took them anyway. She also began taking sleeping pills with her nightly glass of wine, to help with the nightmares. She would often dream that Carrie would come into her room while she was sleeping, stand at the foot of her bed and call to her. Mommy, I am okay, she would say. Don't cry. I am right here, here with you. And, just as Tara would reach out to her, she was gone. Tara would wake only to find Carrie in the same state of nothingness, which only sent her spiraling anew, deeper into her depression.

The nightmares were coming more frequently now, and Tara was having more than one glass of wine with her pills at night. The combination left her feeling irritable and groggy in the mornings. Making her day's work caring for Carrie even more difficult than normal. She did not feel like herself anymore. Sometimes she wished she could just go to sleep, and never wake up. She no longer clung to the hope that Carrie would recover. She finally realized that this was her life, it was the way it was. There was no changing it. She finished off her bottle of wine, and downed a couple of sleeping pills. She would give Carrie her bath, then go on to bed herself.

Tara was feeling the effects of the wine as she ran Carrie's bath. She carefully lifted Carrie into the tub, and began soaping her washcloth. Tears fell silently as Tara bathed her daughter. She just did not know how much longer she could go on living like this. What had happened to her life? Everything used to be so wonderful, at one time, they had everything. Now, they do not even have each other.

Carrie stood beside her mother, and placed her hand on her shoulder. I am here mommy, I am here with you. Don't cry. I am okay. But, as always her mother could not hear her, and she could not see her. The only time she could was late at night when she would go into her mother's room. Sometimes she would crawl in bed with her and lay beside her all night. She missed her mother's hugs and kisses. Missed her touch. She wanted so badly to be back in her own body again. She'd tried and tried, and just could not do it. Carrie watched as Tara bathed her body.

“Forgive me baby, I love you always.” Tara whispered into Carrie's ear, as shereached and turned the tub water back on.

Mommy, what are you doing?

Tara slowly pushed Carrie's head under the water that was now flowing over the side of the tub in flooding waves, to the tiled floor below.

Mommy no! Stop!

Carrie was afraid, trying to pull her mother away from her body, astonished at what she saw. To no avail. Her hand slid completely through her mother's body to the other side. Carrie was helpless, she could only watch in horror.

Tara sobbed uncontrollably as she held her daughter's head under the water, watching the air bubbles from her nose float to the surface and disappear, her eyes staring wide, unblinking, right at Tara.

Mommy ,please don't. Please!! Carrie reached down to pull herself from the tub. She did not want to die. She grabbed at her lifeless hand...................

Carrie blinked, jerked.

Horrified, Tara let go.

Coughing and sputtering, through tears, obvious fear in her little eyes,

“Mommy!! ...please......” Carrie managed through the water that was ejected from her mouth and nose, as she was suddenly reunited with her body.

Tara crawled across the bathroom floor mumbling incoherently through her tears. She nestled in the corner with her back to the wall, and hugged her knees to her chest. Carrie rose from the tub, and walked over to her, wiping at her still dripping nose. She gently layed her hand on her mother's shoulder caressing her reassuringly.

“ I am here. I am here with you. Don't cry, mommy. I am okay.”

“ Mommy?” Carrie asked, as she knelt down to look at her.

" Mommy!?"

Tara sat, staring wide-eyed, unblinking, and unmoving...............