YOU CAN'T WRITE ABOUT NOTHING

I've written a number of serious articles recently, even some fictional short stories and a couple of poems.  From time to time it seems the devil gets into me and prompts me to write something quite frivolous and off-the-wall - something about nothing really.  I was in that kind of a mood today so decided to write an article about nothing at all, and not really with the expectation of receiving any comments whatsoever.  I don't write for points - I don't need no stinkin' points - I just feel a need to release the tension once in a while, tension caused by having to appear intellectual all the time.  So to do that I thought I would write something about absolutely nothing.  As is my custom I began by doing a little research on my subject.  After all I didn't want to come across as being dumber than a head of lettuce.  So I entered nothing into the Google search engine, and guess what!  You won't believe this but there are 677 million web pages on nothing.  Apparently I am not the first person to think of nothing.  So that idea was out.  That got me wondering how much material was on the web about something.  On checking I found that something won out over nothing by 985 million to 677 million pages.

If I couldn't write about nothing, perhaps I could write about nobody.  I struck out again.  I discovered 143 million web page about nobody as compared to 'only' 120 million about somebody.  I wondered, 'was I somebody or nobody?'  I entered my name into the search engine and found 13,200 web pages about Thomas Millington.  Wow!  That must surely put me in the category of somebody.  But what could I possibly write about myself that has not already been written in over 13 thousand pages?  I picked a subject about me that absolutely nobody would be interested in.  I entered my left foot, trying to find something unique to write about.  You won't believe this but there are 705 thousand pages about my left foot.  Can you imagine that? 

I was just about to give up trying to find a subject to write about that no one else had written on before.  What is the most trivial, the least interesting, the most obnoxious subject one can think of?  How about dog poop.  There!  Who would ever have written on this subject?  Not that I presented myself as an expert on dog poop.  Lo and behold, you won't believe this either, no less than 523 thousand pages on dog poop.  Yes, 'thousand'. 

Well, that was it.  I absolutely gave up on writing a Gather article about nothing.  And I challenge other Gather members to come up with a subject that few, if any, people have not written on before.  Now don't feel bad if you can't comment on nothing.  I'll be happy just knowing that you have learned a little about nothing and that you are the wiser for it.  I just hope that I have used proper garmmer, spelling and punctuation for nothing.

Notice:  Although this is a fictional article, the figures quoted are accurate and can be found on Google.