LIfe is hard

that is a good q.

I read this and think that it's perhaps for your best long term interests. I know of someone that was in such a bad marriage that her cardiolgist advised her to get a divorce because the marriage was killing her. Sometime we just don't know why certain events take place in our lives and perhaps not knowing is for our own good also.

And Sandra what's with this talk about failure, when it takes two? This sounds a little like "stinking thinking"- not a good thing.

Take things one day at a time, every morning the sun comes up and it's a new day with new opprotunities- one day at a time.


"No matter how long the night, the day will come".
- African proverb

Your day will come.

Brian - you are right, thanks for the positive words.

Kathleen, you are very kind, thank you as well for the encouragement.

This may just be a place for people to meet and talk online, but that doesn't diminish the power of the support that can be felt here.

thanks again Kathleen. I'll take all the hugs you give! :)

I'd like to add that from personal experience, I've learned that you don't owe anyone any explanations, and the people who demand them from you (even family members) are just plain rude. What happened was between you and your husband, and that is a private relationship. You do what you have to do for YOU, and you can't control what he does or says about your relationship. You have to love the person you are when you look in the mirror -- just approach everything from here on out with that goal in mind and I think you'll be fine. It will seem like one step forward and two steps backward for a while, but I promise one day soon you'll look up and it will be vice-versa. It's a happy day, trust me.
Just remember through it all that you have friends to lean on here who know what you're going through and will help any way we can! :)

You are a good friend Jodi - thanks. I'm going to do my best to keep positive. Brian's "stinking thinking" warning was a good point too and my new friends here at Gather are going to be a big help! Oh yeah, and NO I haven't gone to bed yet like I said I was going to do LOL

Sandi - I too have experienced the divorce issue. Mine should have more simple to address as I was the victim of spousal abuse. It was constant and also both verbal and physical. Nonetheless, there are always people who ask why and how did it happen. I say you say nothing if you are so inclined. If you feel like you want to share then do so but do it of your own accord and don't feel obligated to tell everyone what is so difficult for you to discuss. I say take it one day at a time. Divorce is not easy and it will take a while before the pain lessens. Before long it will just be a distant memory. But I know well if it was a bad situation the memories will linger for longer than one would desire. I wish you all of the luck in the world in overcoming this bad time in your life.
Just call on me if you ever want to talk. I am pretty accessible.
Esther~

Sandra - I went through a breakup a year and a half ago. On the surface it looked great. We never fought, she acted very accommodating.

But the truth was, I was dying a little more every day. She sucked the life out of me and tried to convince me that my disabilities prevented me from functioning.

I felt like I was walking through jello.

When we finally had it out it was such a relief. That's when I finally found out what a conniving, two timing snake she was.

Funny thing, my family admitted that they hated her and my friends were all relieved and glad to have the real me back.

It's been a long and happy journey back. Without that rock around my neck I have reclaimed myself and my life.

It can be wonderful Sandra. Don't worry about anyone else about your breakup, take care of you.

Happiness and light to you.

Thanks so much Esther and Sharon - I'm so glad I signed up with Gather! Your kind words and support are so helpful. I know this is the best thing and my life will be much better now, it's just sad right now. Sharon, none of my family or friends were surprised and like you, they are relieved and glad that I am going to be able to be my old self again. I plan to reclaim my life as well!

Sandi.
It can be hard to get through the rough patches and empty spaces--or adjusting to new spaces.
Above all, Be Kind to yourself.

Esther is right. It is your life...You don't owe anyone any explainations or justifications. So, it becomes your choice to disclose or not.

My advice is to keep busy. Find ten somethings you love to do, and do them often.
Make some good friends who also love doing what you love to do.

I found that the couples we used to spend time with were not comfortable with me any longer...so I discovered new and friendly folks by stepping out of that box.
I can honestly say I wouldn't go back for a million in solid gold. I love who I've made me into. (Does that make sense?)
Hang in there, chica.
Rooting for YOU.

I hope it gets better! Remember, you did not fail. Marriages that end are made up of a series of mistakes by BOTH people AND sometimes by uncontrollable outside circumstances.

Been there, done that, and still don't know the answer Sandi. I imagine it's different for everyone. For me it was a hug and a goodbye and no looking back again. In a way it was a relief that it was over so I could get on with my life ... from the ground up again! A new beginning you might say. Take care Sandi. C):-)

Thanks friends - your support means the world to me. I'm looking forward to my new path in life and mostly looking forward to being the only one in charge of making it a happy one!

My family would either pretend nothing is wrong, or drink too much and pretend nothing is wrong.
Hope you find a healthier way of dealing with this.

Thanks James! I'm not much of a drinking to drown my sorrows kind of person, so no worries there, but I'm finding a little bit of the pretending nothing is wrong streak in me. I just don't want to bring everybody else down and have people feel uncomfortable around me. It's a fine line to walk. My brother called me from Boston last night to tell me how awesome the Police concert that he just went to at Fenway was and after a couple of minutes I found myself talking about my husband moving out. I felt so bad after we hung up because it was like I was ruining the excitement that made him call me in the first place.

It happened to me and it was not easy. No way to explain or justify some things in life. It hurt my family and what they don't know is how much I hurt all those years. I pretend for so many years that all was well, then when I moved out it was a shock to everyone.

Good luck and God Bless.

Thanks Bradley :)

What you say is, "I'm going on to a new chapter in my life".

It might be good. It might be bad. But it's new. And sometimes you just gotta do it and only you REALLY know why.

Good luck. Life is change. Death is when there is no change.

you are so right Peter, thanks :)

It's two years later this month. How are things working out for you?