by Susan Budig
Member since:
February 16, 2006

Changing a Flat - a villanelle

February 16, 2009 12:45 AM EST
views: 126 | comments: 20

 

Changing a Flat

I grew up believing the world was flat
Have you ever lived in southwestern Minnesota?
You changed my flat world and even more than that

You believed in me, despite my flaws, you didn't bat
Your eye, au contraire, you took me home in your Toyota
Still, I believed the world lay flat

And God would forsake a girl like me who spat
Out profanities and dismissed the Holy Roman rota
But you didn't give up and even more than that

You listened to me when I called to chat
At five in the morning, singing Molly O'Brien's Dakota
Wind, which is a world, I believe, that is flatter than flat

Babe you loved me, you loved me, I couldn't run from that
You shouted your love from the bridge of Mendota
You changed my flat world and even more than that

Let's grow old together, let's sit and get fat
We'll visit Mount Rushmore in South Dakota
And travel the world that's no longer flat
Because you changed my flat world and even more than that.

 

(I sent this one in for A Prairie Home Companion's love poetry writing contest.  I think Garrison was too wowed to read it.  What do you think?)

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Comments: 20

Greg Schiller Feb 16, 2009, 12:54am EST
I like it, Susan, but I don't share your view. The world, as I see it, is kind of wrinkly.
Glome . . . Feb 16, 2009, 1:33am EST
Ha ha Susan. That was cute. The comment above is too. From flat to wrinkly :):)
Nancy L. Feb 16, 2009, 7:59am EST
I think you're right; Garrison was too wowed to read it! I can almost hear the music playing behind the words. :)

Thankfully, I have never lived in Minnesota. More than the flatness, I hate the cold, and it's cold enough here in NY. One thing I do like about NY though is that it's not flat; I only have to look out my back window to see rolling hills and trees, and walk about 1/4 mile north to Lake Ontario.
Susan Budig Feb 16, 2009, 11:21am EST
Nancy, you've put a smile on my face. ty
And thanks to Greg for reading and commenting at the speed of light.
And to Glome, ty2.
JOHN BECK Feb 16, 2009, 9:52pm EST
This is cute. I'm expecting meter where there is none--and thats OK.
Susan Budig Feb 16, 2009, 10:19pm EST
Hey Mr. John. I double-checked and no meter is required whatsoever for villanelles. :-) You did have me concerned that I was messing up, but after investigating I find that I'm okay. You're okay, too. :-)
Granny Janny H. Feb 17, 2009, 2:26am EST
You have my permission to feature this exquisitely clever villanelle in your own group. I love the double entendre and the provincial humor in your poem!!
Granny Janny H. Feb 17, 2009, 2:28am EST
well done!
clapping hands Pictures, Images and Photos
JOHN BECK Feb 17, 2009, 8:05am EST
Yes, I didn't mean to imply that meter is required by this form. It's just that as i began to read it seemed as though a meter would emerge. As I said, "and that's OK."
Svetlana Goryacheva Feb 17, 2009, 2:27pm EST
That's brilliant, Susan, dear - and, must I add, funny! :-)

Blessings and best wishes - S.
Jim Ross Feb 17, 2009, 4:08pm EST
Loved your villanelle, Susan, not just for its technical excellence, but for its savory wit. Kudos! You have a lovely mind!
Ann M. (Site Scryer) Feb 18, 2009, 10:27am EST
Susan, I love it when you turn sly and humorous.

I've never lived in Minnesota, but I'm guessing that pickup trucks are more numerous than Toyotas. The narrator's shouting lover stands out like a monolith on a prairie. (Or something like that. I can't find a better image at the moment.).

I am curious as to how they resolve their religious differences, though!
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Feb 20, 2009, 12:55pm EST
love for life shown brilliantly.
Jennifer Lee Feb 25, 2009, 7:52am EST
Susan~ I love your poem and to see your sense of humor interspersed is divine! Good luck with the contest and please let us know. I don't know how I could have missed this post as I have notifications turned on. I apologize for such tardiness.
Diana Raabe Feb 26, 2009, 5:49pm EST
Maybe Mr. Keillor will give you a call; you never know!
Sheila Deeth Feb 27, 2009, 8:24pm EST
Oh, this was really neat! Loved it.
Barbary Chaapel Mar 17, 2009, 12:51am EDT
Garrison missed a darn good poem.

Susan, I see this as what I call a scene poem, besides its formal name, villanelle.
Lots of fun reading it.
Susan Budig Mar 18, 2009, 6:11pm EDT
Barb, it's true. I worked nights back then, but had the evening off. I fell asleep and when I woke up, the sky was just lightening, I thought it was dusk and so called him up. He answered and didn't let on it was really morning for quite some time. In my book, *that's* love. :-)
Susan Budig Mar 19, 2009, 5:21am EDT
I like that. A hardware store: candy store for men. :-D

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